Lizbeth Meredith Rescues Her Kidnapped Children

Summary:

Lizbeth Meredith shares her remarkable story and shows what you can do when you reach out for help. She details the huge brick she faced of her ex-husband kidnapping her children and taking them to Greece. Lizbeth describes the people and whispers that helped her find and rescue them, how she helped her kids deal with the trauma and how she has used her experience to help others.

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

 

Ari: Welcome to whispers and bricks. My name is Ari Shonbrun. I’m your host. I have my special guest today. lisabeth Meredith. She is an author speaker, an online teacher who recently relocated from Anchorage, Alaska to Chattanooga, Tennessee. Her memoir, pieces of me rescuing my kidnapped daughters is in production and expected to be on Lifetime Television. As stolen hearts. The Elizabeth Meredith story, you can connect with her at La meredith.com. Please help me welcome Lisbeth. Meredith. Elizabeth, how are you? I am so well. Thank you, Ari. I’m so happy to be with you tonight. Well, thank you so much. I’m very excited about you coming on the show. I think you’ve got a lot to offer my audience and I think they’re going to be really, really excited.

 

Ari:  So but before we begin, I have to ask you, okay, your first name is Lizbeth. Yogi, at the beginning? No, Elizabeth No. A in the middle. Okay. Oh, is that how your parents named you? And is there any significance to that? You know, what my parents weren’t the people that you would rely on to tell you why the name was the way it was. But I always said later, like, my parents could not afford the vowels. And that was that’s stuck. You know, we were poor. They meant well, they wanted something different. So I lost the E and the A, and I’m just playing all this back. Wow. Wow. That’s great. That’s really great. Okay, that was I was been wondering about that. Okay, so Well, let me ask you this, then what are your parents names?

 

Lizbeth:: My dad was Cova, which I love that name. Kate ov a beautiful name. And my mother was Mary. And somehow or another those two happened together and thought that I should be Lizbeth. So for that, I am grateful. Now where is where was your father from?

 

Good question. He was from Kentucky and I was born in Kentucky myself. And my mother, I’m thinking was Louisiana, but I cannot be for sure. Now that you just said that. I think she was born in Louisiana. That’s where her kin folks are. But I may be wrong about that. Uh huh. Okay, so the purebred Americans basically. Yes, exactly. Very interesting. And I’ll tell you why. Cova or ICAO, VA in Hebrew in Hebrew means hat. Really? Yep.

 

Ari: It means hat. I love the name Koba. Koba and marry I love those names. Yeah, go. That’s that’s a good thing, because they’re your parents. So it’s actually like, quite right. I didn’t meet my Mayakoba till I was 20. But what a fascinating me, you know, I was fascinated. He wasn’t a SAM, he wasn’t a John, he was Cova. Wow. Okay. Well, as you know, the name of the podcast is whispers bricks, and the whispers of those voices telling you what the right thing to do is, and they represent the good in life. The bricks represent the bad things we go through in life. And God knows everybody, at some point in time in their life has a brick thrown at them, some bigger bricks, some smaller bricks, some more bricks, some less bricks, but at the end of the day, we people, people in general, go through something. Now,

 

I asked you to be my guest on the show. Because there are people in my audience who are, believe it or not, are probably going through some of the same things that you have gone through. They’ve been hit with, you know, brick after brick, much like what you had gone through. And they needed to hear and to know that they could get through the trials and tribulations, the same way that you did. They needed to know that there were whispers out there that could save them. Now in your life, you’ve had many bricks thrown at you from a marriage that ended in divorce, with children being kidnapped or taken to a foreign country just to name a few. But before we get to that, can you tell us a little bit about about you in the formative years? You went to college?

 

You know, what’s what what did you major in? What’s your story?

 

Lizbeth: Sure. And thank you, I love being here at whispers and bricks. And so my story

 

Is that I was a young, you know, kid growing up in a home where, you know, we inherit our parents, we didn’t ask for them, but we’re glad for them. And I felt like as a young child, like, wow, I’m going to be a little bit different than the parents that I’m growing up with, I’m going to be somebody who is intentional about the way things turn out because I was a child of divorce. I felt like divorce was chaotic. It was bad. And then my parents split, and I didn’t meet my dad till I found an attorney to find him. So he’s 20 years old before I met my father. And so I just, I felt like you know what, I’m going to be a different person, and really didn’t realize that you have to do much more than just wish for something better, to create something better. And so, even though I wanted to be someone who, you know, had a stable life, and a college education, my parents were smart people and hardworking people, but they didn’t have the benefit of getting to go to school. And to choose what they wanted to do. They sort of were born not necessarily rich, and did what they could to survive. And they were scrappy, and I admire that about them. But when I was growing up, I thought, Why waste my home life so chaotic, what is wrong with these people? And, you know, I was very judgmental, and then realized later, oh, they were living out their inheritance. And so when I was looking for stability, what I did was I landed on, like, what would be the ideal, I wish that I was married. I wish I had kids, I wish that I would never get divorced. I wish that my children would have everything I did not. And so the first person that really gave me a lot of attention, I was like, perfect. You know, you love me, you think I’m great. Good enough. And that’s what happened was, you know, I hadn’t I frankly ignored the whispers. And there were people trying to tell me when I was young, hey, maybe you want to rethink the choice you’re about to make? Hey, maybe you don’t want to end up marrying this person you knew for very little time. Hey, maybe you want to recalibrate and decide how you want your life to be. And I was like, No, I’m smart. I’m doing different. And bricks, bricks pummeled me after that. Wow. So

 

Ari: what what were you doing? In other words, what kind of job did you land? What were you doing in your work life? When I was a young person, you mean when I was about to get married?

 

Lizbeth: Yeah, I had gone to a little bit of college, which like I said, my parents didn’t have that option. So they were they hadn’t graduated high school, either one of them. And here I was, I graduated high school. And I went to college for a little bit. And you know, was going to school and then realize that I didn’t have any direction. So I went back to my home state of Alaska, where I had grown up mostly, and got a job in a hotel.

 

I love tourism. I love hotels, I love all things travel. And so there I was in a hotel thinking, wow, look at me, I’m so fancy, and met someone a little bit older, and from a different culture and thought, he likes me perfect. Let’s get married. He wants to get married. We’ll get married. So that’s where I was. I hadn’t finished school yet. Didn’t have any assets just had good intentions and a lot of dreams. Wow. Okay, so,

 

Ari: so far things sound pretty good. Yeah. Right. I have to admit, you know, if I was looking at that, I’d say Hey, she’s pretty she’s got a pretty good, she’s got a good job. She’s got a nice husband. Okay. What happened next? 

 

Lizbeth: Well, the thing is, I just I don’t know that I had a nice husband, I had a husband. And for me when I was young, it was like musical chairs. Like back in my generation. There were certain expectations. And when the music stopped, you jump to the next thing. So I graduated high school I tried to go to college hadn’t finished quite yet. Then the music stopped and I’m like, I’m 20 years old. Marriage. And, you know, I was at a job where there were some interesting people and I went with the first person who showed intense interest in me. And there I was married at when I first turned 21 Little dating experience that mattered really no, no long term boyfriends that were real significant.

 

I just got married, and boom, there it was. Alaska, marry. Okay, so you’re in Alaska and you’re married. Alright.

 

Then, along came the two kids. I was so excited. I knew that I wanted to be a mom. Soon after I married, I knew I had married someone that would never make me happy. And that sounds horrible. But it was true. I married someone and I thought I won’t be divorced, I will not look at the marriage so much. But children. Yes. And so I had two little girls in rapid succession. And they were and are amazing. And what I thought because it wasn’t too wise, and it wasn’t very educated. I didn’t have a family system that supported it deep thinking. I thought, you know, kids, that’s my consolation prize, my husband may be mean, and may not be the person that I thought he was, but

 

I will be a good mother. And that will be enough. And I will give them a two parent family, not like I grew up with. Wow, it sounds. You know, it sounds like

 

you know, trying to make the best out of a bad situation.

 

That’s That’s what it sounds like to me.

 

arI: So there must have been some troublesome years, I assume. You girls growing up and and then the proverbial big break hit?

 

Lizbeth: repeatedly? It did. You know, I don’t think I thought deeply about what it was that children needed. I thought what it was, that would make me happy. I knew I wanted to be a mom. I knew I’d married the wrong person. I was young enough to think children. Wow, you know, consolation prize, how incredible will it be to be a mother. And so I had these amazing children, and a marriage that just got worse and worse and worse. And so while I was focused on them, he was focused on why aren’t you focusing on me, and what’s wrong with you, I am your husband. And

 

I didn’t realize at the time that there were people in life and had nothing to do with his culture and a lot to do with him. But there are people in life who will try to strip you away from everything you knew, to make themselves feel bigger, to make themselves feel powerful, and strong. And so I was with someone who did not appreciate that we were having children, he was threatened by it. And so as I grew stronger, and loving the role of being a mom, he grew more and more jealous, and scary and controlling. And so while I started out with some friends and interests and goals, couple years later, I had nothing except for these two beautiful kids, and a husband, who was monitoring my friendships, my spending my movements, and threatening that if I ever left him, that would be the end. Now, you talked about, you talked about his culture.

 

Ari: What culture was that? What’s what what was he from, I mean,

 

Lizbeth: I married someone who worked with me at the particular hotel I worked at, and he was Greek. And so he was an American citizen when I met him, but he was from Greece. And he was a different generation, he was older than I was, and very intent on him ruling the roost, and me falling in line. And not all Greek men are like that. And Greece is a beautiful place. However, he was someone with a lot of baggage. And I felt like you know what, whatever he needs so that we can stay married and I can raise children in a home that was, quote, unquote, intact. That’s what I’ll do.

 

And that’s what you did. And I actually did. Okay. Now.

 

Ari: What was your obviously I read your bio when it said something to the something to the effect of

 

your children being kidnapped? Yes. All right. What was that all about? 

 

Lizbeth: So eventually, so here I was in my early 20s, having two little daughters and a marriage. And I was committed to staying until the day came when he strangled me in front of our oldest child, and she was only two.

 

Back in the day in 1990, when this happened, I think modern psychology believed that if a child was super young, they would never remember what happened traumatic events if they were too young.

 

have memories, it would not impact them. But here was my little girl watching me be strangled. And I knew at that time, I’m not sticking around for any more. They don’t deserve this, I didn’t believe I deserve better. I knew that my kids deserve to grow up better. And so I decided to leave. And

 

you know, this was 1990. In America, we didn’t talk about what happened in the home, we didn’t talk about violence in families, you know, Nicole Brown Simpson, quite frankly, had not yet been murdered. And so we that was a huge pivotal point in our history and talking about domestic abuse. So we weren’t there yet. I got a protective, I went to a shelter took my kids got a protective order. Just thought, I’m going to look forward and get a college degree, I’m going to not ask for child support, I’m not going to remarry right away, I’m going to make good choices, and do something different and get my girls a different future. Not realizing that the stronger I became, the more threatened he became. And so I finished college two years later, I got a degree in journalism, I got a job, I loved my life, I didn’t get any child support. I made $10 an hour, and supported two little girls. And the happier I was, the scarier he became. And then four years after I left him, so I left in March of 1990. In March of 1994, he took the children on a visit and left the country.

 

Ari: And that was that a collateral? A bit of collateral damage, and an unintended consequence of me leaving.

 

Wow, now, I guess,

 

you know, that’s not something that you can do. Today, let’s say,

 

Lizbeth: I know, way back when

 

it was easy, you know, you took you wanted to take your kids, you know, on an airplane, it was no big deal. I took the kids on an airplane, there was no there were no checks and balances, so to speak. There was nothing there was nothing going on. It was a free for all,

 

like something that that could not happen today. I don’t think he would be able to get on a plane, you know, they’d have to get well, you always needed a passport. But

 

you know, but even so, I mean, it’s you know, I think that would be a a problem. Okay. But back then I guess there was there was no problem. So he, so four years later, he upped, and he took how old we kids at the time, the best ages, like those ages that we pray for in life with our kids. So they were four and six, and they could not have been any cuter. Yeah. And I will say this, it is harder today to take kids and leave the state or leave the country, but it’s still possible. And so there are 1000s of kids every year taken out of our country by one parent who’s decided that they want to what go to their home country or retaliate against the other parents. So it still happens. But it was much easier than right. So my former husband was smarter. I mean, he’s a smart man. So he knew to change the girls names by a couple of letters. And to apply for passports and then saying, Oh, I don’t know why this birth certificate doesn’t match their spelling. But this is their true names. Right? That kind of so he was very wise. And you know, was able to do that. And for my children, it was terrifying.

 

So

 

Ari: how long? How long did that last?

 

Lizbeth: I said goodbye to my daughters in March of 1994. When they went to have a weekend visit with him. I didn’t see them again until 1996. And by the time that I coordinated and got back with them, and of course I was on a very small budget. Having to travel across the globe. These girls didn’t speak English any longer. They had lived in hiding. They barely attended school, and they no longer spoke the language where that I spoke. Wow, how did you how did you find them? How did you know what they were?

 

I didn’t and so I hired a private investigator and a couple of lawyers on my tiny little budget and we had fundraiser after fundraiser. One awesome thing and many amazing things happened at the time. But you know, this was pre internet. This was a time of like, Hey everyone.

 

Do do a GoFundMe and find my kids. Yeah, you know, I really relied on people who cared about what happened to the suffering of another person. And so people across the globe literally extended themselves to help me to connect with my children. And it was pretty incredible. You know, $10 an hour doesn’t get you much for $100,000 problem. Wow. Yet I was able to hire interpreters hire lawyers, go across country, and eventually find my daughter’s. Wow, did he? Did you ever? Like, did he ever?

 

Did he ever stand trial for kidnapping? Or did he ever come back to this country? Did he stay in Greece? Do you know what happened to him? Yes, I went over, you know, a couple of times. I mean, it’s a longer story. But I went over a couple of times to try to get my kids. First time I failed. And second time, I was able to reconnect with my children. And he was briefly arrested in Greece for child kidnapping, but released before I could leave the country. And then I was arrested for kidnapping. My daughter’s when I was able to take them out of country. He pressed charges against me. I’m in a foreign country, and I was arrested. Oh, my God, a mess. Right. So let’s go. Yeah, so got out of that mess, and travelled home and then went through federal courts to stand my ground, it was very difficult. I think the hardest thing seemed like getting my kids out of a foreign country dealing with different governments and agencies and all of that. That was nothing that was baby food. The real heavy lifting came when my daughters were home had to learn to speak the language. And we dealt with their old traumas. That was the hard part. But again, with support with resources, you know, that are we’re in the community with amazing people in Alaska, and in Greece and other places. And with persistence, we were able to make a new life. 

 

Ari: Wow, I’m gonna ask a question. I think I know the answer to it. But I’m gonna ask it anyway. Was there ever a point in your life where you just said to yourself, you know what, I can’t do this anymore. I just give up. It’s too hard. I just, I’m given about my dreams, you know? And, and if you did get to that point, all right. How did you overcome? What was what was the you know? What pushed you What motivated you? Such a good question. 

 

Lizbeth: I definitely have hit those spots in different times in my life, no question. I didn’t have a parent to rely on, I didn’t have that silver lining in the family was not there. And there were a lot of deficits in myself. So I hit spots where I think, if I can’t pull this off, if I can’t rescue my daughters, if I can’t reconnect, I won’t continue to keep trying after X amount of time. And so I would tell myself, you have two years to find your kids, and then figure it out if you can’t. And so I maybe would extend a deadline. But I would give myself sort of a fake deadline, and then work really hard to be sure that I did my best for my daughter’s and for myself, it was selfish, as much as anything else. It wasn’t just for them. I’m no mother, Teresa. But this was these were the most inspirational people I’d ever met these little girls. And so they need, they gave me something to live for. And I owe them so much for creating a life that was beneath them. You know, I married chaotically I married because it seemed like that’s what you did. I didn’t put enough thought into so many things. And I knew that I owed them better. They deserved more. Wow. So you finally got him back. And you started teaching them English again. But the school and today, Where are the girls today? They’re amazing people. And you know, when I was like I said back in the early 90s and the mid 90s. Even when they came home from Greece, modern psychology would have told you that while they were young, then they’d be just fine. It will never bother them. They won’t remember. We know more now. And so eventually I got a graduate degree in psychology, and later on realized, oh, wait, they remember everything. It’s written in their bodies. And so they have suffered plenty in adulthood and one has a lot of

 

Problems physical, the other has more mental health concerns. But they’re both mighty Phoenix’s. They both graduated college, neither of them decided to marry early. And to this date, no one has kids yet. But their girls and their young women in their mid 30s, who are just fabulous humans, and they’re making a difference in their world. Wow. And for that I am so grateful just to know them much less to have been able to parent them imperfectly as I did. Wow. And they’re both married. Neither, neither are married. Yeah, no, they’re married both, you know, longer relationships, neither married and neither choosing parenthood at this time, they’re making choices, rather than living in a musical chair society where they just live with other people’s expectations. Right. So wow, that’s just an amazing, amazing story.

 

Ari: So but you, you went to college for journalism, and then you got a degree in psychology?

 

Lizbeth:  I did, like, you know, was that because of what you were going through at the time? I don’t think I would have said, so when I was going to school in psychology, I felt like even as a young kid, like I was always fascinated and why people did what they did. And so eventually, when I got my graduate degree, I’ve never regretted it. I didn’t want to be a therapist. But I loved the inner workings of the human mind and intergenerational traumas and what it would take to change them. So I loved the schooling I did. I went to graduate school. And some of it was bad reasoning. But my poor parents weren’t even able to finish high school. They were brilliant. But I think both of them very smart. But they didn’t have that opportunity in their generation and what was going on in their families. So for me, I always looked at, like with travel that I’ve done, or with schooling, what can I do to go as far as I can, and get as far as a way far away from my origins as possible, and make different choices, you know, what can I do? And what opportunities should I not take for granted? That I have now that they just frankly, did not?

 

Ari: Wow, that’s, that’s just amazing. So did you do anything with a psychology degree? Did you? Did you IT job wise? Or?

 

Lizbeth: Oh, gosh, yes. I mean, not only did I write a lot about, you know, the stuff that I’ve been through in essays and the book, I’m with some reflection on things that we know now, but I worked in as a domestic violence advocate for many years still work in the field a little bit. Also then as a child abuse investigator, and then later, 20 years as a juvenile probation supervisor. So I absolutely worked in the field and loved it. Oh, my, that’s, that’s, that’s absolutely amazing. That is totally, totally amazing. That’s, that’s great. And I’m sure that helped you as well with, you know, re acclimating with your children, and you know, helping them to grow up basically, because you’ve seen so much and you studied so much, that you able to deal with it and work with it. And that was, those were the whispers that you were getting, I think, you know, after being hit with such breaks, those were the whispers telling you, you know, hey, this is what you need to do this, how you need to take care of your kids. This is how it’s going to be all better. And it’s never all better. I know that right. Okay. But, you know, at least you had the tools to deal with it in a way that needed that it needed to be dealt with. And I think that’s, I think that’s terrific. I really do.

 

Ari: So, before we go, all right, let me just ask you this. Do you have any words of wisdom words of advice for my audience?

 

Lizbeth: I do. And I think, you know, I loved working in the field, because I saw people with much more difficult lives than I could ever imagine living who still survived and showed up in life. And I feel like

 

if people understand that they there’s always someone available to reach out and grab their hand and go through a tough time them, whether they have substance abuse problems, or intergenerational traumas or domestic abuse or whatever, maybe different things. Maybe it’s a learning disability, mental health, whatever, there is help out there. And they don’t have to go through it alone. And in fact, that’s never a good idea. You know, we are pack animals and even if your family of origin isn’t able to help you recalibrate with whatever it is, you’re

 

going through, there are people out there who are just two steps ahead of you, who would walk with you across a bridge. And I think that’s something that’s helped me because I’m not very strong. I’m not as you know, superhero, I’m not terribly strong or smart at all. But I find that there are people who are, who can help. And they’re willing to. So just by being shy about going ahead and asking for help, there’s nothing to be gained by trying to go through things by yourself.

 

You don’t have the wisdom, the collective wisdom that others can offer you. 

 

Ari: Wow, such words of wisdom, I gotta tell you, my wife is my wife is in the education field.

 

She’s got a master’s in special ed. And she’s been running a program within a girls school girls use Shiva. And it’s, you know, it’s, it’s hard. But she talks about the successes that she has with, you know, even, you know, parents coming to her, you know, she, she works with the kids for the most part. But, you know, she obviously, she deals with parents, because kids need certain things, you know, special needs and the like. And she says, she tells me all the time about these, you know, different parents who come in, they say, No, you know, we could never have done this alone, you know, how can we possibly Thank you, you know, it’s so wonderful to have an advocate to have somebody who knows what we’re going through, that can be there to help us that can help us, you know, through all the red tape, you know, because when you talk about education, there’s a whole bunch of red tape that’s there. And, you know, so I get it. And I get what you’re saying that, you know, you’re right, you don’t have to do it alone. And you’re now that person that people can talk to, that they don’t have to go it alone, because you did. And you’ve been through it’s you know what it’s all about. And that is, don’t tell me you’re not a superhero, because in my book, 

You’re a superhero. 

 

Lizbeth: Thank you, Ari, I, I don’t feel like I am. But I have a lot of support. And it’s been just so gratifying to then be able to give some support.

 

 Ari: Absolutely. Absolutely. So let me ask you this. If people want to get a hold of you, how can they do that? You know, what’s, what’s the best way? Do you have a website? Do you have an email Do you have? What’s the best way to contact you? 

 

Lizbeth: All of the above, and I have a podcast also. So la narrative.com. They’ll find out about my podcast my writing and how to get a hold of me right there. La Meredith calm. My middle name is Anne with an E. So it was my first two initials and the last name Veritas. Wow. 

 

Ari: That’s amazing. Elizabeth, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I’m sure you’ve touched the hearts of many of my audience. Good luck going forward. You been listening to whispers and bricks, and I’m your host, Gary shum. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time in your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success and satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com. Check out my whispers and bricks Academy and until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

 

 Lidia Curanaj Always Listen To Your Inner Voice

Summary:

I had the great honor of interviewing well-known radio host Lidia Curanaj. First, she describes what it was like growing up as an Albanian immigrant in Brooklyn. Then, she details how becoming a radio host became her dream as a child and how she accomplished that goal. Next, she tells us about bricks she faced along the way and the whispers that kept her going. Finally, she describes why she loves what she is doing now and how this is her dream job. You don’t want to miss this episode.

Episode Transcription

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to Space bricks. My name is Iris showing I’m your host. First off, I want to wish everybody a Happy New Year and I hope you will enjoy your holidays. Ours was great. And we are now starting a new season season two starting in starting in 2022. And we’re going to start with a real bang. No, not the 911 type, but rather the July 4 Fireworks type. My first guest for season two is a very well known radio star who co hosts a show on 77 W ABC Radio in New York with John catsimatidis He’s the owner of the station. Her name is Lydia Serrana. Liddy was born and brought up in the Bronx, New York. She has four siblings and is of Albanian heritage. Her parents were Albanian immigrants. She attended and graduated Cardinal Spellman High School in New York City. And after high school Liddy received a full scholarship to Iona College, where she studied Mass Communication and Media Studies. She graduated summa cum loud. Liddy began a career as a production assistant with CBS News and worked her way up to become the coordinating producer for the CBS Evening News. From there she traveled to South Carolina to begin her on air career as a reporter and anchor where she broke numerous stories. missing home, Lydia came back to New York City and reported and anchored for news 12 Westchester. After only two years there, she moved on to Fox five and reported there for almost seven years. Along the way, Liddy has won several journalism awards, including two Emmys. In 2012, she was honored for elevating the image of Albanian women in the USA by the Albanian American women’s organization. In October 2015. She was honored at the Albanian American success stories soiree as one of the few Albanian Americans to work for TV in the US. Lydia is currently news director and talk show hosts for 77 ws W ABC News Radio, working alongside John Katz Matys Lydia’s dream job has been realized. Lydia’s goal has always been to report and tell the truth. And that’s exactly what she gets to do now every single day. Lydia currently currently lives in Hartsdale, New York with her husband, Victor, and has been blessed with a wonderful children. Please help me welcome Lydia Serrano, Aye. Aye, Lydia, welcome to whispers and bricks. Have you been good are about you? Great. I am so honored to have you on my show. You’ve been an inspiration to me and to my audience.

Lydia: Really, oh my goodness, that that means so much to me, because I just kind of got into the whole radio game. And it’s just such an honor and a privilege to be able to do this for a living.

Ari: Yeah, I hear you. We’re gonna get into that too. As you know, the name of the podcast is whispers in bricks. Now the whispers are those voices telling us what the right thing to do is and they represent the good in life. The bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life and let’s be real, nobody in this world ghost has a perfect life. Everybody gets hit with a brick of some sort at some point in time or another. Some get bigger bricks, some get smaller bricks, some get more, some get less. But at the end of the day, everybody has something they have to go through. Now, you your parents were Albanian immigrants. But you were born in the Bronx. Correct. Okay, now, look, it appears as though you excelled in high school and college based upon your bio. Right? You then had some great jobs and it appears as though you had like a dream life. But what I’ve learned is that most often when somebody’s life seems to be too good, there is usually some issues what I call bricks that they had to deal with. Now, let’s start with this. What was the early years like growing up with immigrant parents who came from a communist country in order to make a better life for themselves and their children? What was that like?

Lydia: It was difficult because you always felt like you were an outsider. That’s how I always felt. I grew up in a very Irish neighborhood. And I wanted to be I was upset that I was all have skins and I had dark hair and dark eyes and I wanted so badly there freckles and red hair. And, you know, while they’re eating, you know, peanut butter jelly sandwiches, my mother was making us like, you know, porcelain book that’s like a stew with like bread. And so I always kind of felt like an outsider. And my parents would say, I’m Mexican American, and my first language wasn’t even English. It was Albanian. So I struggled in kindergarten. At first they thought there was something, you know, back then they didn’t have ESL classes. So I was put in I remember k three. And I my teacher’s name was Mrs. Gilmore. It’s crazy the things you remember. And then we took a test and she realized that I was actually intelligent. But yeah, it’s it’s insane. But yeah, you just you, you this, it’s kind of like a culture shock. And the parents, my parents were like, obsessed with kind of keeping us isolated and preserving our identity in our culture, but you want so badly as a kid to just be like everybody else.

Yeah. But you know what, that’s really important. Also, you know, you speak to any immigrant or speak to any minority group, as much as they want to, you know, melt into the melting pot or whatever, they still want to maintain their identity, their culture, their their customs, alright, it’s what makes us who we are. And it’s what makes it by the way, it’s what makes the US such a great country, because we have that melting pot. It’s wonderful. Now, let me ask you this. At what point in your life did you know that TV and radio was going to be your career path? And and how did it happen?

I was watching my dad in order to learn English with watch Eyewitness News, CHANNEL SEVEN Eyewitness News, it was Ernie annacis. And Katie Tong, those were the main anchors, and we would watch the five o’clock, the six o’clock then the 10 o’clock, we turn it over to Fox five, and then back at I mean, we were watching the news all the time. And my dad was they wanted to know what was going on. And so I guess maybe internally, I saw just how much my parents looked up to these people. Because back then you would watch the news and really be like, wow, you know, those people are, you know, providing a service. They’re telling everybody what’s going on. And so I said, You know what, I want to do that. And then you know, as you get older, I would say I can’t do it. But my mother would say to me if I can come to this country with absolutely nothing. And we’re doing so well for ourselves. If you want to be on TV, you want to be on the radio, you can do whatever you want, because this is America.

Ari: Wow. Wow. So how old? Were you at that point? I mean, we

I was 12 I read when I was about 12 when I decided I want to be a journalist.

Yeah, uh huh. You didn’t want to be but mitzvah did you when you were 12.

Lydia: I wanted to be a Yeah, I just I said I want to be a journalist. I want to be a writer. I want to be this investigative reporter. When I had we did a show in the Bronx, it was called news and views on it was like a Catholic. We I went to a Catholic school. And it was kind of like this cable station type of thing. And I won an Emmy Award, which is like a play on an Emmy Award. And I got to meet Katie Tong. Wow was like my idol back then I wrote a paper about her. And to this day, I haven’t met her again. So I have friends that know her. But she’s the now she’s an anchor for pix 11 news, but she was somebody I idolized. Growing up.

Okay. Wow. All right. So let me let me ask you this, you know, what my listeners would like to know? Like, what was some of the struggles and possible failures, some of the bricks that you got hit with when you were starting out in your career, and throughout your career? How what was going on?

I think the biggest break that hit my life was when I was 10 years old. My brother was diagnosed with leukemia. I had a and he died in 2000. And he suffered for a good 10 years. And my mother couldn’t sorry, thank you. Yes, it was a right before. He died in May of 2000. And so I that’s when I had just graduated college, but he was sick for a good 10 years prior. And I was with my mother with the doctor’s appointments because my mother couldn’t speak English. So she would bring one of the kids along and it was me. And I remember the doctor saying to me, I remember the doctor. His name is Dr. Koh, Nick. And he said to me, your brother has cancer. He has leukemia, and he was one and a half. And he was sitting on my mother’s lap. And he was very advanced for his age and my mother starts crying because she knows what cancer means. And I have to translate it. I’m 11 years old, 10 1011 years old, and I’m translating for her that my brother has cancer as I’m crying. And my little brother, he’s one and a half and he literally said, Mommy Don’t cry. That’s what he kept saying was like, Mommy Don’t cry. So that whole experience for 10 years and I was kind of the primary caretaker as well at home because my sister, she was busy with school and she ended up getting married at 19 She got married, young fell in love got married young, and I you know, I had to take care of him at home a lot while my mother worked at night. My father and I so that put a lot of things in perspective and I think that’s where my faith and my ability to kind of just keep pushing came through from him because he just had such an amazing spirit. My brother, his name was Mark,

Mark. Okay, Mark Serrana

Well, no mark Mark weak I Serrano’s my husband’s last name.

Oh, I’m sorry. You know, I’m

so stupid. Yeah, no, no, no, no, you’re right. Most women keep their maiden names but right. That’s one of the

that’s kind of what I was thinking anyway. Yeah, no. So and and the fact that you’re Albanian, you know, so I obviously is my husband’s Albanian too. Okay, okay. All right now it’s coming together. All right, but that must have been that so what was your maiden

name? week i It means wolf in Albanian week a week I uj KJ it means Wolf.

Wow. Okay. Yeah, well, shall come from a tough tough stock. Yeah, Schoenbrunn my name. Alright, the last the last part it’s Schoenbrunn. Brawn or bone is a is a bear. In Yiddish, it’s a it’s a bear. So you’re the wolf. I’m the bear. You know, you go together will conquer the world. Wow. So he must have been something amazing. Something special. I mean, 10 years is a long time to to survive.

You know, relapsing? Yeah. And

you know, oh, my God. So you were huge. I mean, you’re about nine years old, eight and a half years older than he was?

Right? I was yes. And it was just it was it was hard. It was really hard.

Ari: I can imagine. When you went to college, did you go away? Or you know, at home?

I went to Iona college. My parents were very old school. They didn’t want me to go away. That was the other thing too. My parents were very strict. They were all about, like, you know, you know, my sister follow the right path as soon like, I mean, it sounds crazy. But in the Albanian culture, this is back then you turn 18 It’s time to start looking for a husband. You know, and yeah, my God, not

Ari: not much different than the Jewish world. Or the Orthodox Jewish world. Yes. All right. Or the ultra orthodox Jewish world you turn 18 girl turns 18 It’s game over. You know, it’s like, okay, you gotta get married, you know, when they do they get married? 1819 20. You know, 21 is already old. You know? So yeah,

Lydia; yeah, I get it. You’re over the hill. And my we would have guys come like, this sounds crazy. I have never told the story in public before. But we had an Albanian culture. This is back then this is like 20 years ago, guys would come and ask for you for your hands in marriage. You didn’t even know who these guys were. And they would come to your home and check you out. And then about a week with somebody else. And then about a week later, they would make a phone call and asked that to my father that they wanted my hand in marriage. And this happened multiple multiple times to me, because I came from a very nice family. They know I went to church and this and that. And I was just like, hell no. I was. No, no, no, no, I was. I just didn’t want to do it. I didn’t not that there’s anything wrong with it. My cousins all did. I have cousins that got married at 17. They’re still married to this day. Yes, thank god knock on wood. My sister still married, happily married. But I was just like, I want to focus on my school in my career. And, you know, I didn’t get married. I was considered very old. I didn’t get married till I was about 30. Wow, that’s considered very, very old in the Albanian culture.

Ari: Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. Wow, that’s that’s just amazing. But you were a fighter. You don’t you don’t get to do the jobs that you did without being a fighter. So let me ask you this. Did you ever get to a point in your life where you sunk so low? You know, stuffed was just wasn’t going right, whatever. And you finally said these up? You know what? I quit? I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take the fight anymore. I’m giving up my dreams. You know, I’m gonna go home and you know, maybe I just be a happy housewife and game over. Did you ever reach that point? If you did? How did you make that comeback? Because I know you made that comeback.

Lydia: I kind of it happened. Like twice me. it first happened when my brother died when I was 21. I said, you know, I was always in my I was very strong in my faith. I’m Catholic. And when he died and I the suffering that I saw, I said there’s no God like, How could How could this happen? What kind of God allows this but certain things happened and that I realized there is a God and have to keep fighting. I sank kind of in its into a deep depression away. I stopped eating. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t eat because I just I couldn’t believe I sounds crazy. I never thought he was going to die. I never thought it because he just always got better. And then we’d go into the hospital. We’d stay a couple of months, but he’d always come home and it just once he didn’t come home anymore. So around 21 I went through a really tough period. And then I pulled myself out of it. I don’t know I just prayer. I just prayed a lot. I did. I prayed and prayed and I had the rosary. And I would pray it every every night, and something. And then I got a job at CBS News. Yeah. And I worked with, you know, Dan Rather as a production assistant and I worked my way up to become the coordinating producer for Dan Rather, which was like, huge to do that in four years. And then I went to South Carolina to pursue my on air career. And then I think my other low point was, when I left Fox, I was there for seven years, I left there in about 2018. I had a difficult situation there, I sued for pregnancy discrimination, because I’ll tell this, I got pregnant, I was extremely happy. I had some issues getting pregnant. I mean, I was pregnant, but I had suffered some miscarriages, so So to be pregnant, was such a blessing. And I was so happy and then to be told, Well, you can’t work here anymore. I mean, literally, that’s what, that’s what he said to me. Once you have the baby, you won’t be able to work here anymore. You know, because we were not going to make accommodations for you. And if you know me, I’m not the type of person that asks for any kind. I

Ari: was gonna say, you’re not the type of person who’s gonna say, oh, I need accommodations. Yes. I figured, yeah, I had you pegged that a long time ago.

Lydia: I’m that type that I will be without sleep and this and that. I already talked about it with my mother. So the writing was on the wall. They had cut my hours down from being, you know, working five days a week, they didn’t give me a contract. I went to part time and all that. And so I went to just speak to the lawyer and the lawyers, like, that’s illegal. You can’t penalize somebody for being pregnant. Right? So I ended up leaving amicably because they gave me you know, some money and I said, bye bye. And I was like, That’s it. I’m done. I’m done with the media. They’re horrible people. They’re evil. Like, they know, I’m done. And I tried to get a job in the hospital system. I was trying, I was like, I’ll do PR I’ll do this. And then, you know, WA BC kind of fell into my lap. I yeah, I just started. A friend of mine worked at WBC Her name is Juliet. Hudy.

Ari: I know, Joey. Well, I know, Julie. I know. I know. Juliet from the radio. You know, I mean, she’s the bee’s knees. Oh, yeah. She’s with what’s his name? Frank Marino. Frank Morano.

Lydia: Right. So she was with Curtis at the time. Yeah, said hey, we need a backup newsperson. So then I started filling in doing the news there. And then all of a sudden, the news direct the program director there Dave lob, Rosie says to me, we had a conversation. He said, You should be a talk show host I said, Oh my God. That’s my dream. I would love to be a talk show host so you kidding me? Ah, yeah, right. And so, and then I got to fill in with Curtis and the first time I ever filled in with Curtis Lee was I didn’t sleep all night long. Curtis is the guardian angels. I

you know what? I remember him in that from the 70s. Okay, yes, I remember. That started.

I was nervous. I was freaking out. I couldn’t believe it. Oh my god. I’m starting my career sitting alongside the guardian angels founder the legendary Curtis Liwa. And, and it just kind of blew up from there. And now I’m, you know, I’m with John Cassavetes at five and he I

Ari: know that. I know that I listened. I listened to that. Oh, I listened to him all the time. I listened to you. I listened to him person. Oh, he’s unbelievable. At heart of gold. You know, you could just tell heart of gold. very philanthropic. I mean, just Yeah, absolutely. I think I think WAC WBC was very very lucky to have him by the station. You know, because it turned it around 100%

Lydia: Our ratings have like quadrupled since he bought it in a year but but it’s forget about even that he he honestly says I don’t care what you guys whatever, he doesn’t care if you’re right or left. He doesn’t care about your political leanings. He just says just tell the truth, whatever it is just correct. And then that’s what we do. And so he you know, we get along he has a great sense of humor. And so I’m just like really, really blessed. I mean, there are hard days to you know, when I’m there I had a show at four o’clock there and it got canceled. It got cancelled because they brought in a you know, somebody with a bigger name Rush Limbaugh has producer boasts nerdly they said okay, you know, he’s he’s famous you know, I’m a nobody.

I’m not a nobody. Well,

you know what I you know, I’m not You’re

Ari: not, you’re not you, you you know what? You’re famous now and you’re going to be a superstar. I’m telling you right now, you’ve just got it. You’ve got it all and you’re going to be a superstar. Let me ask you this. Who’s the one person your life you can point to that you would say had the most influence on your life and why?

Lydia: My mother, my mother, I she five kids, someone a five and then my brother who passed away he was the fifth he was the baby of the family. She kept a full time job, clean house and she never complains and just worked her butt off like she was a cleaning lady. Both of my parents came here with nothing and they do very well. They have No mortgages. My dad still doesn’t own a credit card. They have homes that they have bought. They’re millionaires like they’re millionaires. And I don’t understand how they did it to be honest with you. I don’t know how they did it. They came here with no education, but it’s just hard work. So that’s, that’s an that’s John Katz material. It’s really kind of meant to be that I’m working now for a guy that reminds me of my own father, very similar type of situation where he, John Cassavetes came from nothing. His father was a busboy, and then he became a millionaire at 22 or something like that. I mean, it’s just incredible. His story, too. You should get him on the podcast.

Ari: Yeah. Okay. Well, I’ll leave that to you to make the recommendation. Okay. Oh, wow. That’s amazing. Okay. You’re

amazing people. My parents, I’m very lucky. Yeah,

just FYI. Okay. 80% of the responses to that question is, mother. All right. You should just know that, you know, so moms are the is it your mom? 

Um, no, it wasn’t my mom was my dad. My dad was was such an inspiration to me. He was, you know, he was the smartest man I ever knew. And he was he was just amazing. He was big. He was six foot 220. You know, really in great shape. He married my he was 18. When he got married, he married my mom, my mom was 19. And he was just nothing stood in his way. He would never let anything stand in his way. If he wanted to do something. He went out and did it. So he was yeah, he was my hero. He was definitely my hero. I lost him. I lost him about six years ago. And you know, my parents were living in Israel at the time my dad passed away. It was on the Saturday. And I like, you know, I didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye. But I will tell you this. And this is not I don’t know why I’m doing this, because this shouldn’t be about me. It’s about you. But But I will tell you that he died in February. And I remember he had he had dementia. Right. So he was losing it. And I and I will talk to some of my siblings. And I said, You know what, I’m going to visit daddy, because I want to see him while he still knows who I am. So in November, prior to the February, November, I went to Israel, I spent a week with him and we we went that he couldn’t walk in the apartment is able to walk but in the street, you know, he had to be in a wheelchair. And so I would wheel them to a coffee shop and we’d have coffee together we go to the park together. It was just such a special special week that I had with him that I was so happy that I did that. Because you know, those are the memories that are going to that are going to be with me, you know, my whole life. And so, you know, is what I was just glad that I did that. You know, he’s, but he was a great man. Now, quick question. We’re almost done. Okay, unfortunately. Do you have any words of wisdom for my audience? Before we go any words of advice?

Lydia: I think the most important thing is to listen to that inner voice, though is the whispers exactly the whispers You got to listen to that voice. I remember a homily at Dupree Homily is when the priest speaks during Mass and he said, You know, God speaks to us every single day. And peep right. It says

that’s what I say in my talks. When I talk from stage when I you know, I do motivational speaking. Yes, I know. And I said God talks to us every single day he whispers to our minds and whispers to our hearts, hearts. But we’re so busy running through life that we don’t pay any attention. You know what? That gives me goosebumps. That’s why he throws a brick at us. Right?

Ari: Up next. Oh my god, it’s so true. It’s so true. And you just got to kind of listen to that inner voice listen to God, he’s speaking through you. And you know, some people like well, how do you know God exists? You know, I didn’t see him. I can’t touch him. We know love exists, right? Because we feel it all around us. We know when we love somebody we know when we’re in love. Can you touch love? Can you mold it? Can you put it in a box? No, but it exists. It’s there, because you feel it to the depths of your soul. And that’s how I feel with God. I hear him talking to me. And I listen to the voice. And I feel like the sounds maybe a little corny. Like this was what I was meant to do to try to lift people up and inspire them. And, you know, if I can just help one person, then that’s it. I’m good.

You’re following my footsteps. Talking about getting goosebumps? 

Ari: Oh my gosh, that’s exactly what I tell people all the time. I’ve never heard the analogy of love. I really like that. I really like that. Can I use that? Of course. Of course. All right. No, that’s great. Because I tell people, you know, you have a belief in God and they say I can’t even I can’t touch whatever. I said if you could see him or touch and if I can prove to you that he existed, then it wouldn’t be faith anymore. Then it’s just fact. Okay, you have a fact you know, you want to prove something you know, you can touch you can feel you can see it alright then it’s not a belief anymore. The eyes Dia is yes, you can’t touch them. You can’t you, alright, but I believe that he is there and he runs the world, plain and

simple. He does, he does. And it’s that love that endures and lasts forever. And it’s the most important thing. And God loves us unconditionally. Just like we love our own children unconditionally. Just like my parents love me unconditionally. And I, you know, it’s, it’s what keeps me going. I know, it’s what keeps you going. So I’m sure your dad is so proud of you right now to

Lydia: oh my god, like, I hope so. I hope I didn’t disappoint him. No. Okay, so listen. And if people want to get in touch with you, you know, for I think

Ari: Twitter, Twitter, I have my email there at Lydia news, Li dia, ne Ws, that’s the best way and they can direct message me I have my email address on there, too. So at Lydia news is probably the best way to get in touch with Twitter, or my Instagram, you know, I’m pretty I get a lot of messages. And people tell me that the prayer that I say at the end of a say, at the end of my show, when I lifted them up, and

oh, I just said, I love that, by the way. It’s so nice. It’s just because it’s so nice to hear God being mentioned the talked about you know, in a world today where they’re trying their best to get God out of schools, get God out of the system, you know, it’s like, and you just bring it all back.

Lydia: I’m just a regular girl. That’s it. I’m just a regular person. And I tell it, that’s why it’s okay.

Ari: Yeah, you let you like Supergirl. Okay, I’m just a person until I put my Superman on. Lydia, I want to say thank you so much for sharing your story with me and my audience. You are truly truly an inspiration. Good luck going forward. I know that you’re going to see we’re gonna see some great things from you.

Lydia: Oh, thank you so much, Ari anytime and you inspire me as well. And I hope we can continue this friendship for a very long time.

Ari: I hope so. You have been listening to whispers in Brixton. I’m your host iwi Schomer. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time in your career, your business or your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with REI comm check out my whispers and bricks Academy coaching. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams.

Katie Choncas Believe in Yourself!

Summary:

Katie Choncas Is a very talented artist. She is an actor and singer, and voice-over actor. Sharing the screen with many well-known

actors and actresses. She describes her decision to pursue her career and have children later in life. She describes her journey as an actress and how she learned to invest and believe in herself. She hopes her story will help other women do the same.

Episode Transcription

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to this person bricks. My name is Ari show and I’m your host I have with me today Katie Elizabeth shanaka ‘s Katie is a Greek American artist working in the entertainment industry for two decades. On Katie’s website Janaka stock calm. You’ll see some of the creative ventures she’s been a part of TV, film, acting, voiceovers, music, podcasting, and articles that she has written on Arianna Huffington publications. Katie is a multidisciplinary artist who utilizes her voice to inspire change and transformation in people who want to make an impact on the world. Katie is a Greek international actress who made her first onscreen network television appearance in 2005 gracing the Scylla screens ever since Janaki says globalized network television landing roles on top television series such as CBS, a CSI New York Cold Case, FX networks It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Law and Order SVU just to name a few. Janaka has also excelled in film as she booked supporting roles in films with ALPA chino. Robert De Niro, Jessica Simpson Morgan Freeman Antonio Banderas, Nicolas Cage, oh my god, the list goes on and on. Janaka has worked with 19 legendary ala stars in one year. A working professional voiceover actor in the entertainment industry. Katie specializes in cartoon animation voices with a branded name cartoon Katy shanaka is brought to life characters such as soup from Minecraft, and Georgia as Nancy Drew’s best friend. Katie has a raspy golden voice in voiceover such as Emma Stone, Scarlett Johansson and Demi Moore. Katie loves being a part of the voiceover entertainment industry. She’s a published author of a new poetry book titled A lovers fair Terry lovers fairy tale. Please help me welcome Katie Janaka. Katie, how are you?

Katie: Hey, Ari, I’m so grateful. Thank

you so much. My heart feels very full warm right now after hearing the intro. I

appreciate you. Thank

you. Thank you so much.

Ari: My pleasure, man, you’ve it sounds like you’ve got you’ve had quite a career, you have quite a career going forward. You know, you’re still very, very young. So I know you’re gonna do a lot of a lot of good things in the future as well. So let me just welcome you to whispers and bricks. And as you know, the whispers are those voices telling us what the right thing to do is, and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be real, everybody has a brick thrown at them at some point in time or another some more bricks than others, some less bricks, some bigger bricks and some smaller bricks. But everybody goes through something alive. Nobody’s got the perfect life. Okay. Now you come from a large Greek family. And early on, you had this idea that you wanted to have a bunch of kids, but you also had these dreams and goals about having a career. Why don’t you talk to us about that a little bit? Sure, sure.

Katie: It’s a great analogy. It’s a great analogy. Whispering brakes love that.

So

well, the whispers I feel like are the intuitive hits, you know, the the angel, the whispers in the bricks I feel are the things that are the stagnant things that can hold us back, but it’s about going around that emotion, you know, going going past the bricks, breaking the bricks going through the bricks, so

that but when I was a kid, you know, I grew up from a middle class family, my grandparents immigrated from America. And my mom and dad were like kids, 18 years old, having kids. So they would, you know, work that typical, like 40 hours a week, nine to five provide us lunch, we my mom would cook meals and we’d had a family meal together every single day. That was just the routine. But I grew up very independent. I had a lot of space after school when I wasn’t at cross country, right running cross country. And I learned about short term, medium term, long term goals. And when I was younger, and I had this knowing of like my big fantasies, my dreams, my goals, my purpose of like, who I wasn’t what I wanted to do, I knew I was so powerful, and going on this journey that I wanted children later on. I looked up to quote unquote masculine male genders in society, thinking Because I was brainwashed and conditioned and observed at a young age of people saying it was a man’s world, right? A man’s business world, right. And so I instead of looking at, instead of looking at the females and the divine femininity, instead of looking up to that, I look for that masculine yang energy, right. And I look outside of myself for investors, because I, you know, the four quadrants, the popular book, and there’s the, you know, like all the most successful people, the IV investor, they don’t use their own money, they use other people’s money, it’s like, you know, like a joke or a thing that people do, like, you use other people’s money, not your own money. So I was investing my time, my energy, my education, my skill sets, my talent, studying classes, network, meeting people, and I was doing everything to be an entrepreneur and getting my hands dirty, my feet wet, like using my brain traveling the world, like going around the world TWICE, Like doing all these things, in it to win it. But when it came to money, financial, like I was paying for my, you know, I was doing test shoots with photographers, I never paid as a model to shoot photos. But my music production, acting classes, asking coaches, I mean, it costs $100, just to coach for like an hour. And then acting classes $1,000 a month, like in like, for a paint studio $24,000 a year like these budgets all add up. I mean, just for coaching alone two times a week, it’s like, you know, like, it can be over $6,000 Just for coaching with a private coach before you go in for an audition, right? That’s just coaching alone. That’s not even classes, and then all the other seminars and workshops and things that you can do anyways. So I would invest in those kinds of things. But I’m talking like, and now they have merch lines, like through RedBubble, where you can like put your merch up and sell it. And you don’t need to like preorder and like, spend all the money on supplies and ship it from Vietnam or China or wherever. And like sell it and like have all that overhead. There’s no overhead because of the hybrid world and everything being digital, which is cost, cuts, costs and the hacks in the 21st century, which is amazing of, you know, for artists and entrepreneurs. But before they didn’t have that, so I was looking to men outside of myself, and I was looking for that financial stability from something outside of myself from other people. And so what I would do is another impart would be I would self sabotage and I would have all these things going on podcasting, acting modeling, DJ comedy drama, film voiceovers, and fashion line, women empowerment, like spirituality. And I would go up and come down come up, it was like building up coming down and building up and everyone was seeing around me like the closest people to me, but I wouldn’t see, I wouldn’t see it, I didn’t understand it, because I was doing myself up. And once I got on, like about to get on the caboose to leave the train station, I would abandon it, I would abandon myself, I would abandon my business. And I would just go left and go, if I was focused on acting as do music, and I was so scared of success. And I was so scared of empowering myself and actually getting to that level of the caboose to go off the train tracks because I thought it was gonna die. I was so in my ego. And so thinking I had everything in control, but through the pandemic through 2020, and through a lot of self reflection, and through a lot of deep realization, and dismantling the two decades of my blueprint, and creating a new blueprint for myself, and actually opening myself up to a deeper vulnerability of trusting not only myself, but like my internal team, then I was able to bring them all up, put them all on the caboose. And they they’ve all left the train station. So now I’m like this oak tree. And what I did was I invested in myself financially in the way that I’ve been trying for two decades to have this man over here that I can network and maybe he would invest in my business, right? No, they all just wanted to have sex with me. They’re all like, Oh, pretty little girl, you’re, you’re pretty little girl, or who do you know, and make the connection and leave me out and not give me a 5% Consulting deal for making the connections. So there will be all these people doing these things. And it was just a cycle. And so what happened was, I actually took, and I was so scared, you know, I was so scared. But I took that money. And on a micro level, step by step one step at a time, a micro level, and started investing. And everything started flourishing. And I’m this oak tree. And now they all have legs of their own. And all these magical, wonderful, beautiful things are happening. And it’s so much bigger than me. And the message and the mission and the people I’m connecting to, are you gratitude because they’re helping and they’re a part of the same collective mission and we can do it together holding hands, instead of like doing it all on my own feeling isolated and abandoned in all the pressure. It’s like I’m actually doing less and being more and it’s just been so rewarding and fulfilling and the glowing and like I mean look where I am and like I’m always in this situation, but I’ve always been but I was also getting in my way and I’m not getting my way. anymore, I’ve learned how to craft my own code and get a step out of my way, and allow God’s grace in the universe, to have a life of its own when you have like your intention of your ethics, morals and values and who you are, and always be open to discovering, and hacking and pivoting, scaling and shifting for life are personal and business with self and with others. And it’s been a harmonious blend, and it’s so, so beautiful. So that’s something I really think I can make an impact. And I’m sharing that and I do one on one coaching with people. And you know, I’m speaking at events, women empowerment events, and I’m telling me, my stories, and it’s not right or wrong, I’m just sharing what I gone through. And if it took me two decades, and if it took me 10 years, maybe you could do it in six months, maybe you can hack it, and then you know, because we can’t go to the 70s and 80s. But we were in the 21st century, where are we going? You can take some of the tools that I’ve learned.

Ari: Let me ask you this. Did you ever fall to a point so low? That you said to yourself, you know what, I quit a kid do it anymore. I’ve given up on my dreams, I don’t care anymore. I’m just gonna, you know, get into bed, you know, roll to a ball and just sleep away my life. I mean, you ever did you ever get that bad? And if it did, alright, well, obviously, we know how you came out of it, because you just explained that to us. But what was what was it like was Did it ever happen?

Katie: Not the way that you’re saying no, never, never, never, because I’m not a quitter. And I think it’s okay to take a day off, or three days off, or a week off and just rest and sleep. It’s the way it’s the number one way our immune system can repair ourselves actually, in our immune system through sleeping, it’s so it’s so good. If if one is depressed, it’s good to like, take a nap and sleep it off. Or like you have a big meal, just like sleep it off. Because it takes four hours for the food to digest, you know, from our system. But there have been times multiple times where I’m doing so much where I’m, um, for years, I’m just like, okay, what can I unload? What can I unload? What can I unload? So I’m always looking, you know, as a producer, I’m always filtering filtering to, you know, be more minimalistic, so I can have my health, wealth and prosperity. But there’s never a time of, I’m throwing in the towel and forgetting about it. Because, you know, I have joked around and said okay, like, I’m gonna retire from my career and just have a family. You know, II mean. But that’s, that’s, that’s a job within itself. But, um, yeah, so I’ve never been a person to be a quitter. Like, I’m an athlete, you know, and so I don’t, I wasn’t raised that way. And that’s not my mentality. Right? I just love I love I love life so much in the arts and being human, and just the experience of being here. So no matter on our highest or worst days, it’s a part of the process. And I can take it and learn and apply it to a canvas or to a character, or to an experience of something I’m going through and put it into my craft. So I look at everything. You know, if I’m feeling this way, that means I experienced something the extreme opposite of the rainbow of such joy, right?

Mm hmm. Wow,

this, this too shall pass.

Ari: Yeah, absolutely. Let me ask you this, who is the one person that you could point to that you would say had the most influence in your life and why?

Katie: My Yeah, my 92 year old grandmother, who’s my bestest friend in the world, and who I’m named after actually, kids get ki St. Kitty, Jackie. She was a martyr, her name’s Sunday. In Greek, Kitty, I came in Sunday. And she taught me unconditional love. I can tell her the worst thing that I think is the worst thing in my life. And she’ll just pat me on the shoulder and just feed me some food. You know, like, she’s so understanding, but culture risk, she came from the old country from Greece. She went 10 hours each way on the donkey to pick blueberries for her job. And, you know, she came to America to provide a better life for her family and for us. And so, you know, I’m in deep gratitude and honor for my, my grandmother. She’s amazing. She’s so sweet. And she’s just she’s taught me everything. You know, she’s taught me so many beautiful things, but probably most importantly, the culture and in love and the joy of the Spirit and remembering homage she always says homage in Greek that means like, the the land, the dirt the country, like never forgetting your roots where you come from, you know, and always paying it respect no matter what.

Ari: Wow, absolutely. She’s still around.

Katie: She is she’s well, growing so healthy. She’s so healthy. She’s great. Thank god.

Ari: Wow, that’s, that’s amazing. And there’s something to be said, you know, for the old country culture. You know, it’s so important that you know, that we take what we can, that we learn from our elders. Because, you know, as much as we think that, you know, what do they know, this is a new world, they’re from the old world, but they know a lot. And they can guide us very, very well, if we’ll just take the time to listen. I know my mom, my mom has taught me a tremendous amount she is, you know, thank God, she’s going on. She’s 90 years old. And you know, she’s still going strong. And, you know, she’s been she’s been a pillar for the family. All right. And and and I think it’s wonderful. So let me ask you, do you have any words of wisdom for my audience?

Katie: Yeah, of course, some words of wisdom would be just do it. It’s, it’s Nike. It’s a Greek word, it means to win. And so my mentality at a very young age was just to do it. So it’s like the whisper and bricks, when you have an intuitive hit that comes, just go and do it. Everything else after that is fear. It’s an analytical, it’s in your head. So just just go and do it. Also, it’s really important to have a good community around and communication and we’re only as strong as our weakest link. So if something feels heavy or strong, it’s really important just to communicate that to someone because they can help. Mm hmm.

Ari: Wow. So what what what are you doing now? What’s your next project? What are you looking for?

Katie: I’m looking to get on TV as a household name. So I’m going out for TV shows right now. I’m going out for animation roles for voiceovers. So that’d be awesome to book some elite and an animation series to go out for commercials video games for voiceovers and season for my podcast. It’s a women empowerment series exploring divine femininity and all genders. And so that’s gonna launch in January. So I’m excited, you know, to explore that, because not only am I doing it for the people, I’m doing it for myself, because of the story I told you of me looking to a masculine man in, in the world. And so I didn’t have a lot of space of divine femininity, a lot of space of my my own grace, although I am graceful, but to be more vulnerable with my emotions, and it’s okay to not be okay, and to fully express myself and cry, and, you know, it can be in all gender. So I’m really excited to endow that relationship with my own self to,

Ari: okay. Now, if people want to get in touch with you, you know, they interested in maybe a career of their own, or they just want some advice. Or maybe they’re going through some of the things that you went through and trying to figure out how to get past it. What’s the best way for them to do that? What’s the best way to get in touch with you? Would it be email? Would it be social media? What what’s the best way to connect with you?

Katie: Yeah, I do industry coaching for people. So it’s right on my website, they can sign up and have an appointment chinachem COMM ch O N, ac as.com. And I am on all social media accounts. Okay, great. And you can email me through my website, if you want to email me about anything a question or something. Yeah.

Ari: Awesome. Katie, thank you so much for sharing your story with my audience. You’ve been a great guest. I’m very excited. Good luck going forward. I know you’re going to do some great things. I mean, you just you you’ve got that personality. You’ve got that drive. And I know we’re gonna see great things from you. Thanks again. You’ve been listening to whispers and bricks and I’m your host Irie Sharma remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business or your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire. Then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers bricks Academy and until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks.

Donna Furguson Healing From The Inside Out

Summary:

Donna Furguson shares her story of being a domestic violence survivor that used her experience to help others live more fulfilling, empowered lives. She describes the massive bricks she faced and the whispers that helped her get out of that situation to find her path in life and happiness. She reminds us that healing happens from the out.

 

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

 

Ari: Welcome to whispers and bricks. My name is Iris Sherwin, I’m your host I have with me today, Donna Ferguson. Donna is a very, very interesting woman from Australia. And her story basically is after experiencing domestic violence at the age of 21, Donna wanted to find a way to pursue her newfound gift. Working on a self worth, she discovered a way to heal from the inside out, and now shares this with her clients through self worth, emotions and feelings, beliefs and healing. from the inside out. Please help me welcome Donna Ferguson.

 

Donna: Good, how are you?

 

Oh, my pleasure, really. So how you been?

 

Ari: I’ve been fantastic. As always, I love doing what I do. And I enjoy every day regardless of what’s going on around me. Dad’s beautiful, that’s such a great, great way to look at life. Now, as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us that what is the right thing to do. And they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be real, everybody goes through everybody has some bricks thrown at them at some point in time or another in their lives, whether it’s little bricks or big bricks, whether it’s a lot of bricks or a little bricks, but some people, you know, it’s always the the ones that look perfect are usually the ones that have the most trouble. Now, when it comes to you, you had several major bricks thrown at you starting at age 21. When you married into domestic violence, can you tell us a little bit what was going on at that time?

 

Donna: Ah, that’s a great question. I you know, I was a very adventurous child, I guess my creativity has always been there. And I took some steps in my life that led me to that relationship and totally responsible for that. Like, I’m grateful now for that journey, because it’s really given me a different way to see myself. You know, sometimes we have to go through things to open up and say who we truly are. And so 28 days after I was married, I went through

 

rific night that I wasn’t sure if I was going to live or die.

 

Are we talking about like, from abuse? Like, oh my god, I woke up in the middle of the night with a great startle. And I thought, oh, what’s going on? Where am I you know, that shocking, trying to get my bearings and where am I on what’s going on. And

 

I knew something had woken me up, but I didn’t know what it was. And as I kind of, you know, looked around and my husband was there and he kind of look in his eye was a little bit gray and steely and I sort of still didn’t realize what was going on. And as I started to lay back down the fist, close fist came and hit me in the side of the face. And I guess that was that was the beginning of that night was around midnight. And it went all night

 

in and out of consciousness, you know dragged by the hair bash cigarettes put out on me, oh my god, you lied there was quite a bit going on that night. And you know, that seven o’clock in the morning I got up and went to the bathroom and I looked in the mirror and I was horrified because I thought Who is that like? I had no recognition of of me at all. My face was bruised, it was swollen. My hair was so sore. My head was so sore from the hair pulling

 

and I just thought I need to share I need to get out of here didn’t know what I was going to do.

 

And I went and sat for three days down at the Cotter dam which is in Canberra in Australia. And we that’s our water supply one of the water supplies so I sat there for three days. In during the day I kind of hid myself in amongst the trees in the car and at night I sat next to the toilet block

 

because I there was lights there and

 

via if I needed to go the bathroom, I didn’t have far to go. And back in those days. I mean, that was like over 40 years ago, we didn’t have the fear of, you know, what would happen if you were sitting out alone at night, right? Sure. That was more in the home. You know, after, after my night there, I had that fear of being at home. So I’m sorry, mentally went home and got changed. And, you know, I didn’t know how to handle I didn’t know what’s gonna happen when I walked in the door.

 

And of course, he was sorry, that’s never gonna happen. Again, he had a bunch of flowers for me, you know. And as we all know, now, that is the cycle of domestic violence. Absolutely. So it was pretty hard for me to

 

succumb to

 

that ever happening again. I thought it was done. And I didn’t know anything about domestic violence wasn’t anywhere in my life prior to that. So, you know, it’s a journey that we embark on, because of the action steps that we take that lead us into certain situations and lead us to certain people. And I’m a strong believer of that. 

 

Ari: So what I did, let me ask it, let me ask you, so let me ask you something.

 

I’m assuming that very often, they say that, you know, people that suffer through domestic violence, it comes from

 

seeing it before in their own families, whatever. Was there any situation like that with your parents? It doesn’t sound doesn’t know your parents were like normal people. Yes. Yeah. Okay. All right. Yeah. So, alright, so it’s not. So it’s a little out of the, it’s generally a little out of the ordinary, when somebody marries somebody that, you know, that suffers from domestic violence.

 

You know, it’s normally it’s something that it’s normally something that’s gravitated to, because they’ve seen that before, you know what I’m saying? But in your case, I guess, you know, you didn’t see before you had no idea what was coming? Um, did you? Did you by the way, did you reach out to your parents at all? Or did you not want to let them know about it?

 

Donna: That was two days before Christmas. So I didn’t want to Okay, spoil everything. Got it? Yeah, got it. Okay. Yeah, go ahead. Please continue. I’m sorry. No, not at all. Don’t apologize. So. Um, so you know, it kind of went on for a while. And, you know, the cycle was there, and you kind of live in fear. And the fear of, if you leave is far greater than the fear of staying, because they impress upon us so much language around.

 

You know, you’re worthless, nobody will love you. Nobody will want you.

 

I’ll kill you, if you leave me all of this language that you start to believe because it’s daily. Right. And

 

so, you know, while that was a bad night, that first night, there was no other nights that kind of match that was never that horrific after

 

no excuses. Like, didn’t matter. It was still violent, right. And then I fell pregnant with my daughter. And so that was kind of the change, and things during the pregnancy were great. Great. I was still living in fear every day. Right? Right. But there was no real need for the he didn’t use violence during that time.

 

And that change the day I went home from hospital.

 

So,

 

you know, that was pretty horrific time There was sexual assault, physical assault, verbal assault,

 

all of the above

 

the day I got home from hospital with my daughter.

 

And so when she was five and a half months old, I left I left that relationship, but it was the first time I realized that sometimes there is no thought there is no decision making. Things just happen. Because I came out of a job interview and all the way to the job interview. I kind of thought, you know what this is?

 

This is not going to be good when I go home after this job interview. So all the way in, I could tell by the language, the behavior. I was thinking, you know, this is really

 

I don’t know if I’ll ever see my daughter again, if I go home. But, but consciously, I wasn’t thinking of leaving.

 

So what happened was I came out of the interview and down the stairs, and there was absolutely no thought process. There was nothing, I did not make that decision. Somehow I ended up in a taxi in the opposite direction, and went to my mom’s work.

 

And now, it was never, what was your daughter at the time? She was in the car with my husband? The cloud, your husband? Okay. Yeah. So, um, I didn’t even have $1 to pay for that taxi. You know, they, they charge more than that for the flag for this year, these days, what they call the flag fee, right? Here in Australia. I’m not sure what they call it there. And so, for me, it was like, I’m here, I don’t know what happened. And my mom’s like, Where’s, where’s your daughter? And I was like, she’s not with me.

 

So I had all these emotions going on. But out of all those emotions, that was I just knew I needed to be then I, I had no idea how I’d got there. You know, mentally, I had no recollection of making a decision. I know, I was picked up and taken there.

 

And that was the first time I ever kind of connected to something being of a higher source, what we know now or refer to as higher source or spirit, right?

 

And so,

 

three days later, my daughter was reunited with me. He had brought her back, I must have known deep within myself or because I was guided, that she was going to be okay. I knew he had his sisters. I knew we had his mom. And I figured that that’s probably where she’d be. And you didn’t think he would be looking after her? For three days on his own? Right? Yeah, you know that thing. So.

 

So that was a relief to have her back. But that wasn’t the day I got my power back. The dial got my power back was a day I left a counseling session, which in those days, 40 something years ago, there was you must try and repair your marriage. Yeah. Right. There wasn’t any it wasn’t easy to get a divorce,

 

regardless of violence or not.

 

And I remember saying to the counselor, are you married? And she said, No. I said, Have you ever been married? She said, No. And I said to her, Well, I don’t think you’re in a position to tell me that I need to repair a marriage.

 

You know, hey, you know, I hear I hear that. It’s pretty, pretty amazing. Yeah. And I said, I think we’re down here. So going off, and I walked out. And when I walked out, and I got to the boss, and I stood on the bottom step, because he was right behind me. And I said to the bus driver, do not let this man on the bus. He’s gonna hurt me.

 

After having shut the door right behind me. So I’m lucky I pulled my button.

 

Ari: Wow.

 

Donna: And that was when I felt I have my power back that day. Because I had walked away. I had stood up. But more importantly, I took his power away.

 

Well, no longer had power over me.

 

Ari: So you picked up you took your five month old daughter, you walked out? You got a divorce? What happened? I mean, what did you do? I mean, where did you go? How did you support yourself?

 

Donna:  I stayed with my mom for

 

six or seven months, and then moved into what we call her government housing.

 

So that was all fine.

 

My mom said to me, I think we need to go and seek some information on Social Security. Social Security was like, where the government benefit comes from if you’re a single parent more anything else, you know, to do with government income.

 

And I was so ashamed and I went I don’t want to go there, mom. Yeah, shame, guilt. Sure. You know, all of these things. She said, No, I think we really need to go there. We need to sort something out. So you have some money coming in. So anyway, we ended up going and so yes, I was on a single parent.

 

benefit. I lived on that with my parents until I moved into the government housing. And then of course, I had the government housing, so I had

 

the income to support me and my daughter. Oh, wow, that sorry. Yeah. All right. How long was that?

 

Ari: Um, I was on my own for 70 years? Well, actually, no, not quite.

 

Donna: I was on my own for about three years,

 

and met somebody who, as it turns out, he was not the most faithful person.

 

However, a number of years later, I heard that he had a gun at the head of his partner and his daughter. So I’m like, I’m blessed that I didn’t go through with that relationship. Oh, absolutely. Sure. Wow. Wow. Thank goodness, he was not faithful to me.

 

There you go. You know, that was the blessing there. Right. Um, so but then my daughter was seven years old, then when I met somebody. So was basically seven years. And yeah, so then

 

we moved states. So we moved from Canada, which is where a very cold,

 

cold winter and very, sometimes extremely hot summer

 

to Queensland, which was warm winters, and very warm summers. But it was more an ocean will near the ocean. So we had the afternoon breezes and things. So it was really great as far as that goes. But interestingly enough, that relationship wasn’t great. And I came to realize, after I left that 12 year relationship, that there’s healing to be done inside out, you can’t just suppress everything and believe that, because you’re not talking about it, because you’re not feeling the emotions. Or because you’re not thinking about it on a regular basis, that you’re done with that.

 

Because we all know that suppression of expression

 

are those that are involved with their highest self and those that understand, you know, laws of attraction laws of vibration, universal laws, that

 

when you suppress your feelings and emotions, the physical sense of that becomes anxiety, that internal emotion and and condition becomes depression. And depression, as we know can form all different levels of illness or disease in our body, including mental health, physical health, can even cause some, some cancers. Because what are you, whatever you are suppressing, is definitely an emotion that can eat you from inside out. 

 

Ari: Wow. So let me ask you this. Let me ask you this, did you when you were going through this journey to get to a point so low, where you said to yourself, you know what? I quit. I’m giving up on myself. I’m giving up on my dreams. You know, I just can’t do this. I’m gonna, you know, roll up into a ball and, and I’m gonna die. You know, I mean, did you ever? Did you ever get to that point? If so, alright. How did you manage to turn it around and get out of that?

 

Donna: Yeah, really good question, Ari.

 

You know, I don’t

 

I don’t know that. When I was on my own I ever thought.

 

I don’t want to live anymore. I definitely had some really shocking days. Yeah. Ah, you know,

 

you question everything that you do. You’ve got a daughter, are you doing the right thing by her? I was in search of somebody that would, you know, be a father figure to her because I thought that was the right thing to do. I knew nothing about unique vibrations, energy.

 

You know, law of attraction. I knew nothing about that at this stage. So it was about you know, what I thought was the right thing for her and myself.

 

And, you know, when you think you’ve made the right decision, and it all falls apart, thankfully she was

 

Growing up by then, and she had joined the Royal Australian Navy. So I didn’t go through that separation with her and she stayed connected to both him and myself.

 

You know, for the rest of her life, basically, she’s still in touch with him. So and I respect her for that, you know, he was the father figure for her. But,

 

um, when I, when I left him, I found

 

networks of people that started to lift me up.

 

Ari:  were the these, these were the whispers that you are getting now, you know, after getting hit with so many bricks, my heart goes out to you, I honest to god, my heart goes out to you. But after getting hit with so many bricks, you know, it’s time that the whispers started to come and, you know, and help you move on. All right, I turn your life around.

 

Donna: Very much, very much. And, you know, it was then that I met people,

 

you know, through, I went to a work function, actually, it was like, what did they call it a conference or work conference over three days, two or three days, weekend, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, I think it was. And there was a speaker there. And I was like, oh, man, I want some of what he’s got.

 

He was he was high energy. And I’m like, I want some way. He’s got whatever is on me, like, I want that. Yeah. Um, and so I started to follow him. And then I started attending his events. And then

 

you know, if you connect with people, that’s natural, when you go go to these events, and I felt like I was being lifted. And then I met my current husband, and I didn’t met him, meet him at one of those functions. I made him elsewhere. But then he started to come with me. And we’ve got some great friends through that, you know, we’ve got some really fantastic relationships from that.

 

And

 

I got to a point, I guess it was a crossroads. Where do I keep spending a lot of money with this following following this person? Or do I look for something more, that’s gonna help me. So

 

you know, and I really truly always believed that you invest in yourself, but wasn’t getting the return for what I was investing was what I was looking at.

 

And so I went on a search for a coach

 

decided I wanted to help people, I wanted to bring people, you know, the high that I was on, right? You know, I wanted people to live on a high vibrational life, like I was beginning to do. And I talk to people and they ask questions, and they tell me things. And then, you know, I had people saying, you need to do this for a living, like, You’re good at this. Right. And, and so I was like, Okay, so maybe that is something I need to do. So I started a business and I thought, I need a business coach.

 

You know, and I spend a lot of money on coaches that you get partway through, it’s like they just not get not I don’t feel it.

 

You know, the winds were coming in you guys. It’s really what you want. Wasn’t self sabotage. And was it just not the right person for me? Then you got to decipher all those internal, you’re not good enough. What makes you think you can do this? Yeah. The noise in the chatter.

 

So I really,

 

I went through, I think two or three coaches, and I met somebody who I really resonated with. And she was one of

 

Bob Proctor’s highest consultants. And so I started working with her and I,

 

you know, Bob Proctor is all about law of attraction. He was in the secret, the movie, The Secret.

 

And I really resonated with this lady and I started doing the work and I just felt a shift. Well, I just felt things in my life were changing. And you got to do the work, right? Nothing happens if you don’t take any action 100% Nothing happens if you don’t change, like you’re going to get the same results. If you don’t change something, you’re doing all of this, all of this data coming out all the things I’ve had before. I’m like, why am I hearing this again, all because I need to act on this or I need to share this. Right. And so I was three quarters of the way through that coaching.

 

And I met I didn’t mean I’d known her for a number from the network I was involved with,

 

with

 

We’d been connected. I’ve interviewed her a few times on a series I was doing at the time. And we’re running into each other. And she’s like, she rang me up. She said, What are you doing?

 

And she said,

 

I know, I know, I can help you. Why don’t you coach? Why don’t you work with me, I’ll be your coach. And I was like, I’m loaded with Coach like, you know, kind of Florida, you know, all those things started coming up again. And she’s like, Donna,

 

the work that you’re doing with Bob Proctor staff and my work will resonate beautifully. I’ll make it affordable.

 

All right.

 

Donna: I’m thinking I’m in trouble. Because I’ve known her for 10 years, right, and years. And she always tells this story now. And she’s like, sometimes people will follow you for 10 years. Don’t they don’t know until a decision. Yeah, guys, do you want to tell him the story? I’m like, Yeah, okay. Right. Yeah, no.

 

So, you know, Sharon’s, like, Come on, I’m gonna make it affordable. And I still didn’t know. But the minute I started working with her, I started picking up clients, right.

 

So it wasn’t just the Bob Proctor stuff. It was her systems and processes, right, rather than the internal work that actually brought it together to work well, and so I still work with her.

 

I still work with her. I listen to Bob stuff every day. Right? I’m still doing the work. I structure a lot of my coaching around the context of his work, but have the systems and processes from me that I can implement, depending on who I’m working with. Right. So, um, you know, and as a Hypnotherapist? I can include that in everything that I do. Wow. Wow. That’s that’s just that’s it’s priceless. Yeah, just totally, totally priceless. So just, I’m just curious. You have a company’s called, or an organization called unique vibrations. What what what is that? What is that all about?

 

That’s a very conscious decision to rebrand and coaching business. I add.

 

Sorry, I’m the reason I wanted to rebrand was because I

 

wanted to step up. I wanted to develop

 

a business that was on a whole new level.

 

I consciously came up with a name unique vibrations.

 

Because I was very much about, you know, energy and vibrational energy and law of attraction. You know, I done a bit of work around that.

 

Thought I wanted to resonate with something that

 

you would

 

give people an idea of where I was heading. In my business, because I made a transformation as we do. We grow all the time, we learn new things, and we develop new things, and therefore we reinvent ourselves. And so what I did was the name was very obvious. I love the color purple. So purple was going to always be a color that was representative of my business. Mm hmm. Hence the purple Christmas. Yeah, there you go. But my purple shirt with my with my branding on it.

 

So

 

it was purple, golden white. And, like, it just came up, and then somebody came up with the logo, which you can see oh, you can see it on the background there.

 

The vibrations is very vibration, low energy.

 

Uh huh.

 

And it was more

 

then how was I going to implement what I know, into this, I wanted to be unique, but I wanted people to know that I was going to be working around, you know, vibration, energy, that sort of thing. And that’s how I developed the company. And then, um, you know, you just go from there, like, I knew the work I wanted to do. And that has changed. That’s changed over the last number of years. Since I’ve had unique vibrations, and I’m going through another big change right now. You know, I’ve got new things coming in for 22. I, you know, I’m working more with law of attraction. I know that I manifest things like this now. Wow.

 

In the last two weeks, I’ve had a massive shift

 

with things. The last three months or my last three months, I was writing things, you got to do the work. Right, right. Sure. Every day. Sure. I wrote my affirmations in a goal structured way, so that they’re in the present time. And I write those up every day. I have a list that I wrote up because I was like, two weeks ago. I’m thinking, You know what? Something’s got to change here. Who am I? I write, who am I to think I can?

 

Now that is a great question. Yeah. No, it’s opposed to Who do I think I am? That I can’t. You know, I got it. I got it. Really good. Really? Right. I don’t know you.

 

Right. Yes. Right. I write a list. You know, I’m a creator. I am a successful business coach. I manifest money from unexpected pathways. I am respectful of money. I am a great salesperson. Like the list goes on. So it was I am, right. That’s great. I am very powerful words. 

 

Ari: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Yes. You something. So did you did you ever did you remarry?

 

Donna: I’m married. Yeah. I’m married to my husband. We’ve been married.

 

17 years in February. Wow. That’s all in February. Yeah. What’s your anniversary? 27. Oh, my God. My anniversary is the 25th Oh, wow. We were gonna we were gonna get married on the 14th of February. Yeah.

 

The person we had lined up to do our music. Couldn’t make it on the 14th. So we changed it to 27. Well, as it turned out, he couldn’t do the wedding anyway.

 

So we could have probably got married on the 14th of February. 27. Good. Yeah, absolutely. 25th 27

 

Ari:There you go. 100%. Now, you did you had one child from your first marriage. And any more kids or rather personally have any?

 

Donna: My husband’s got two children. Okay, so together, you’ve got three. And we have eight grandchildren? eight grandchildren. Wow, congratulations. Of course, you know, I’m going to tell you that you certainly don’t look old enough to have grandkids. Okay, I’m just gonna tell you that right now. Oh, you’re too kind? Yeah.

 

Ari: Let me ask you this, um, who’s the one person that you would point to, that you would say had the most influence in your life and why?

 

Gosh, there’s been so many over the years.

 

I’m going to go more recent.

 

And I’m going to say

 

Bob Proctor for the reason that

 

the work that he does, is

 

so powerful for people to understand, on a deeper connection about releasing the root cause

 

of any challenges or experiences that they’ve had in life.

 

To be able to move forward that inner healing. He doesn’t talk about inner healing so much, but the structure of these programs is very much look at who you are internally. Where did that belief come from? Why do you still believe that? He makes you look at who you are? I know. I knew you were gonna say that. And I’ll tell you why. No, I knew you’re gonna say Bob Proctor and I’ll tell you why. Because every time you mentioned his name or talked about him, your your face lit up. Okay, there was a shine there was a your eyes lit up. So I you know, obviously this man had a had a tremendous impact on you. So, so I get that. Before we go. Would you have any words of wisdom for my audience? I mean, I know I’m gonna be honest with you. I know there are people that have gone through or are going through some of the things that you went through. What would you what would you what kind of words of wisdom would you give these people?

 

I would say, and this might sound a little cliche, always trust your gut. Trust your intuition.

 

And the reason I say

 

That is, so often we can go somewhere. And we can have a feeling about someone because your intuition is your energy. So

 

we can go somewhere, and we can try and tell ourselves that that person’s okay or that that place is okay. Or that we want to look at 10 different things that we always come back to the original that we thought we were really happy with to start with.

 

It will never ever lie to you.

 

Ari: You know, we call that in, in our, in our, in our terminology here. We call those the whispers. Yeah, that’s what you call them. Those are the whispers that your god that’s that’s telling you what the right thing to do is and you have to listen, listen to those whispers and you’ll be okay. Wow, such great, great words of wisdom. Donna, I want to thank you so much for sharing your story with my audience. I want to wish you all the best good luck going forward. Oh, before we do that, before we go.

 

My question is if you want to get in touch with you, all right, what would be the best way for them to do that? Do you have a website? Do you have? I’m sure you do. Do you social media.

 

And where are you located? Exactly. I’m on new. I’m in New York. 

 

All right. So what’s the time difference between us? I’m just curious. Right? 

 

Donna: Okay. First question. Yes, I have a website WWW dot unique vibrations.com. Okay. And I’m on all the socials. Well, all the socials, I’m on Insta, LinkedIn, Facebook. Okay, great. So by me, they they’re the ones I’m active on. Wonderful. So you can message me through the and it’s

 

it’s either a combination of Donna Ferguson and unique vibrations. Facebook is Donna Ferguson and I have a unique vibrations page as well. Um,

 

what was what was the other part of that?

 

No, the other part was, I asked you what the time difference is? 

 

Ari: Yes. I don’t want people reaching out to you. And then you know, you know, a day or two goes by and they haven’t heard from you and they don’t realize that.

 

Donna: I think what is it? 16 hours between us? It is approximately 16 hours. We’re coming into 10am 10am. Friday morning. Okay, and I’m sitting here at 5:54pm on Thursday night. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Yeah, it’s around about 16 hours. So, um, no, I always have my phone on. Turned off while I’m sleeping.

 

My Fine I will receive all the messages fasting in the morning. I said rockin as soon as I turned my phone, which is you know, before I’m almost before I’m out of bed, right. So as soon as I’m up, I have my fine, ready to go. Okay, feel free. Um, you know,

 

through just reach out, just reach out. Just reach out. Okay, just Donna unique vibrations that come with www dot unique vibrations that calm

 

Instagram or LinkedIn, or Facebook, all the social media. 

 

Ari: Donna, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I know you’ve touched the lives and hearts of them. of many of them. I want to wish you all the best. Good luck going forward. You been listening to whispers in bricks and I’m your host Gary shoma. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, you’re spinning your wheels wasting time and your career your business or your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with REI comm check out my whispers and bricks Academy. And until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never, ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

 Herb Lust Find The Beauty In Life!

Summary:

Herb lust has had an amazing career in both the finance and art world but has faced many bricks, especially in his childhood. He describes the neglect and abuse he suffered and the whispers that kept him going. He reminds us that there is beauty in even the difficult times in life. That no matter how hard the bricks we face there are always things to be grateful for.

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to whispers rubrics. My name is Ari Sherman. I’m your host I have with me a special guest. His name is herbalist. Herb started his career in 1976 in the art world in France. It was three years later when he made the decision to go into the world of finance, and he has been there ever since. He just celebrated his 41st year in finance. I met her when he came to Cantor Fitzgerald in 2012. We work together he seemed to be the shy type and we really didn’t socialize together, do pleasantries between us but that was about it. It was only recently that I found out who herbalist really is, and what he had gone through that I decided to ask him to come on my podcast. Please help me welcome herb. Herb, how are you?

 

Herb: I’m doing great. Thanks for having me on. I appreciate it.

 

Ari: It’s my pleasure. Now I got to tell you, you had quite a career in finance. I checked out your your bios and everything. But according to your bio, you actually started out in the art world in France. Can you tell us a little bit? Tell us a little bit about that?

 

Herb: Absolutely. So my father had an art collection. And he was an art dealer with along with his third wife. And I grew up in the art business. That was the business I always thought I was slated for. So I would go to auctions with someone I was a kid and that type of thing. And eventually, I became an art dealer went along into the family business. And after a few years, I realized that people were buying the art hat were making more money than the people who were selling the art. So I decided to do what they were doing.

 

Herb: Wow. Wow. So how old were you at that point?

 

Herb: Well, I graduated college in 19. So by you, but I technically I had been in the art business all along, I was always helping deliver pictures and meet customers and work in the back of the gallery and that type of thing. So I majored in art history is one of my two majors. So it was pardon, but it was part and parcel of My Life for a very, very long time.

 

Ari: Wow, wow. Okay, great. So, as you know, the name of the podcast is whispers and bricks. Now the whispers are those voices telling you what the right thing to do is, and they represent the good in life. The bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And everybody knows, you know, there is no, no matter how good life seems to be on somebody else, there’s always an issue, there are always life’s not a straight line ups and downs, many bumps in the road. And again, what might seem like a perfect life most often is not. Now, when it comes to you, you got hit with a ton of bricks, excuse the pun, early on in life. You do you remember how old you were the first time your mom left you alone in your apartment? And what was that like?

 

Herb: Well, I’m about five years old, like five years old, early, six years old. And you know, most of the time, I was more quietly amazed, you know, I opened a frigerator there might be a half a banana, or nothing, or three or four grapes or something. And I just remember everything being very quiet, you know, and sort of just shutting things out and just not really fully letting myself experience what was really going on. Which you know, was a temporary expedient at work that got me through whatever that moment was.

 

Ari: Now, are you an only child?

 

Herb: Tech technically, I mean, I have half sister half brother, but I wasn’t raised with Him. So I was raised as an only child. Yes.

 

Ari: Right. Okay, great. So, wow, that I can’t imagine what that must have been like. But you know, it only it only gets better, so to speak. All right. And I’m saying that sarcastically Yep. Because when you were about six years old, I don’t get your mom tried to commit suicide and you actually saved her life.

 

Herb: Yeah, it what happened was she, she and I heard this groaning from the back from the bathroom, right? We were living alone on the Upper East Side, the 60s in New York Avenue, first seven or something like that. And in Manhattan, and I heard this groaning and it was my mother’s groaning in the bathroom. So I opened the door to the bathroom out of concern for my mother, obviously, and there’s blood everywhere. And she shows me her wrists and her wrists are slashed. Now. Now she had slashed them horizontally, which I now know is highly ineffective way of committee. Suicide via that method, you slashing vertically along the veins, and then you really bleed to death. He obviously didn’t know what she was doing. She risked cutting your tendons and not losing use of her hands forever after, but that didn’t happen either. But I mean, it’s very specific memory because she was obviously sobbing and crying hysterically and all this type of stuff. And I remember the the glint within her cut open wounds of the light bulb from the ceiling, you know what I mean? That reflection, you know, the glistening of the the lamp light, and she held out her wrists and I, I grabbed the gauze and I that was that I knew was underneath the sink, and I wrapped up her wrists where she was kept on holding out to me. And then the only phone number I knew was my babysitter’s. So I called the babysitter, and the babysitter came over.

 

Ari: Wow. And then I guess somebody must have called an ambulance or something.

 

Herb: Yeah. Maybe after that I really kind of blank out. You know what I mean? Right? Yeah. What happened was ultimately she ended up in Bellevue. My father lived in Illinois, the authorities called him, he came to New York. And and I mean, you know, after spending a night with a babysitter, he was there the next day, and I stayed with him in a hotel. And then there was a custody battle, obviously, and eventually the court granted him custody, which 1963 was highly unusual. Right,

 

Ari: right. I was gonna get to that in a minute about that verdict, that actually, again, changed your life again. But you mentioned to me that your mom had epileptic seizures. That’s, that’s true. Yeah. When When? When was that? And was that like, just throughout the course of, of your life? Or was that specific times what? What was going on?

 

Herb: Well, I mean, you know, you never knew when the what they call the grandma, these very large epileptic seizures, you don’t know, when they were happening. I remember one time, she took me on a day to introduce me to some guy that she was particularly fond of, apparently, and some Hungarian restaurant at 57th street, I think it was actually still there for until quite recently. And, you know, they had like, live violin, Hungarian music, whatever, and then dance. And then I saw it, you know, those were the days where, you know, she wore makeup or women commonly wear makeup. So I remember seeing a little dribble of wine down the side of her mouth. And then she starts trembling, the gentlemen that she with his eyes starts bulging, he has no idea what’s going on. I get out of the way, she goes into a full seizure, on the floor, and you know, with, you know, her arms or legs flailing all over the place and eyeballs going in different directions. And then, you know, her eyes lock on me. And it’s very typical to go into an incredible rage when you come out of these seizures, and have absolutely no memory of anything. So she was looking at me and saying, How are you get them out of here, you know? And and I’m going mommy, mommy, mommy, and then event. So I spent, you know, the next couple of nights with the owners of that Hungarian restaurant as an example. Oh,

 

Ari: wow. Oh my god. So in 1963, that’s when you add up again, the victim of a custody battle that your father won. And if memory serves me correct, it wasn’t the greatest experience.

 

Herb: Now, what was going on there, she had his own prop up. His idea of punishment was to take a hatchet handle and beat me with it. So he would beat me basically, from, you know, head to toe on my backside right? And I would get these softball ball size bruises over my body, and it’d be things like, if I didn’t get him the morning newspaper at seven o’clock in the morning, got to it like 710 in the morning, or I didn’t take out the garbage or something like that. So and he did it more when I was young, it got less and less the older I got. But it was quite often it was quite often Wow.

 

Ari: Wow. And I guess there’s nobody to protect you nobody to

 

to step in. I guess there was no such thing as or they know things like child services or anything like that at the time. I have to imagine I I can’t imagine living through that. I just wow. So how old were you when when your when your dad got custody of you? Six. He was six years old. So all of this was going on. By the by the time you were six all this has been happening to you. Yep. That’s that’s man.

 

Herb: I mean, you know, and the thing is, you know, I had a stepmother and she was an alcoholic because she got drunk on her skull. You know, every night basically. And And at one point, you know, she broke all the windows in the house and also started yelling at me while she was sprawled on the floor out of her mind. And, and then the violence wasn’t only directed me. I mean, one time, she bought like a cactus for $2.39, something like that without his permission. So he beat her up, and she had on a white turtleneck shirt at the time. And in order to remind her, you know, the how she had misbehaved. He made her wear that bloodied turtleneck shirt without it being washed for 30 days in a row. It was unbelievable.

 

Ari: Oh, thank God. With all due respect, how did you wind up normal? Well,

 

Herb: I mean, there are people say, I’m leaving that to one side, you know, I don’t really know, I think I was just lucky in the sense of knowing right away that this isn’t how was supposed to be. I will say this, that my father’s mother, grandma, Jenny was a very, very, very loving person. And I knew that she really loved me. And I and I knew that for sure. And of course, you know, she’s a saint, the name in my memory. And I think that helped me a lot. I also think that, you know, from six to 13, I lived out in the country. And the nature really helped me a lot. Furthermore, the the gallery was open from 12 to eight, and it was an hour away. So what would happen is, I would wake up early in the morning, go to school, and I make myself breakfast, they were still asleep, right? And then and then I would go to school, I’d come back three, four o’clock, in the afternoon, five o’clock, something like that after school, and they wouldn’t get home until eight o’clock, nine o’clock. Right? So there was lots of times where I wouldn’t see them. And if they were out entertaining, then I would put myself to bed before they would show up. So I could go for two, three days at a time, you know, without seeing them. A lot of times, I would stay at my friends. You know, I had a close friend of mine whose mother asked me once very seriously, you know, you want me to take you to the sheriff’s office? Because she saw the bruises. Right, right. No, no, no, no. Like that. But I was spent a lot of time at other people’s places. And I think that mix did help me, you know, string along. Wow.

 

Ari: So what did your mom do for a living?

 

Herb: Well, I mean, initially, she had spent a year or so working for the FBI. She didn’t like that. Then she worked

 

Ari: full time at about how did she get a job with the FBI?

 

Herb: That I don’t know. I have no idea. I was boring. She was she was forced to, you know, follow some guy for a year. And he never did anything. And so she thought it was an interesting, so she ended up quitting. Wow. And then what? Then she worked at Scribners. You know, there’s the old Scribners building in the 50s on Fifth Avenue, which is known as the clothing store. And if you go in the back off the right and the ground floor that used to be the children’s bookstore area. And that’s where she worked for a number of years. Finally, she ended up being a full time mother to other children with a different husband. And apparently, in that particular relationship, she didn’t find, in fact, find peace. She converted to Orthodox Judaism. He was Sephardic. And apparently that structure actually works for her and calmed her down. I met her first cousin, many years after her death, and she said that she had found peace through that, which was nice enough.

 

Ari: Wow. Wow. Now. When was the last time that you saw your mom? When I was 12? When you were 12? Yes. And that was the last time? Correct. Were you Was there any were you in touch with her at all?

 

No, no, no phone conversations? No letters? Nothing.

 

Herb: Wow. Now you, you mentioned that your mother has passed away? I mean, how old was she when she passed away? She was 51. Man. I was 21. Wow. Wow. So at that time, where were you living? We live in with your dad. Have you? Are you

 

on my own? I graduated college in 19. So I was living by myself.

 

Ari: Did you graduate college at 19?

 

Herb: I mean, I graduated high school in three years. I graduated college in three years.

 

Ari: Wow. Wow. Okay, so I guess you’re smart.

 

Herb: Maybe? Or maybe the people who were grading me you weren’t as intelligent as they should have been?

 

Ari: No, I think I think you’re I think it’s you’re very very bright. I think that’s what it was. That’s all Thank you. If you don’t mind me asking how did she die? How did your mom die? Do you know?

 

Herb: Yeah, well, she had a headache. And she went To the hospital, and 24 hours later, she was dead. She had brain cancer, but apparently was the kind of brain cancer you don’t necessarily feel until it just absent so

 

Ari: well, and you were how old at that point? 21. You said

 

anyone I found out about it a couple years later, but yeah, I was 21 at the time.

 

Wait, what? Whoa, timeout? What?

 

Herb: Well, I didn’t have any contact with her. So I only found out two years after the fact.

 

Ari: So then how did you find out with you,

 

Herb: you know, various people who knew or etc. And they tracked me down and I saw content. Oh, wow. Now,

 

Ari: are you married?

 

Herb: No, I’m divorced time. I’ve been single for about eight, nine years now.

 

Ari: Single for about nine yearst. You have kids? Yes, I do. Boys, girls, how many? How old? Come on, come on. Well, it’s about you.

 

Herb: More than more than one. I had one marriage that had no, no issue. And that ended, you know, then. And then I had another marriage. I had three children. Okay. And then I had another marriage. I had two children. Okay, that ended and three are young adults. And the two are, you know, in seventh grade, and they’re all doing well.

 

Ari: Oh, wow. Wow. Okay. I mean, I can’t imagine. All right, what you’ve gone through, and how you’ve gone through. I can’t imagine how you stayed sane. But, you know, I do know you on a personal level. And I will attest to the fact that you are saying you’re a little strange. But you are saying but you’re definitely saying. Last but not least, let me ask you this. Do you have any words of wisdom for my audience? And what I’m asking you really is? That? If, well, let’s start with that. Do you have any words of wisdom for my audience?

 

Herb: Well, the first thing is, you really should love life. Life is very precious. And the worst things are, the more beautiful those moments are that are good. And no matter how tough life is, that is beauty in the world. There is beauty and other people, you should cherish every moment of happiness you have. And children bring you joy and children are my strength. Children have healed me. And life is really worth living and really worth affirming and actually beautiful. And the more difficult it is, the more beautiful it obviously is. And you should cherish it all the more. Wow.

 

Ari: No, I do know that you ended your story with I think you said at the age of six. You said your mom was the most beautiful woman you had ever known. Yep. And you still believe that to this day, though?

 

Herb: I still think she is I still think she yeah,

 

Ari: that’s that that’s special. That’s really special. So let me ask you, then, you know, after listening to your story, I know that there are people out there in my audience that have gone through or are going through some of the things that you’ve gone through some little better, some a little worse. If you want to get in touch with you just to like offer words of encouragement to you, or to ask your advice on would you first of all, would you be open to that? And trying? Okay, so what would be the best way for people to get a hold of you? What’s the like? Yeah, well, website or something or just social media or email or what what?

 

Herb: Well, the only social media I have an easiest way to get in touch with me from that point of view is on LinkedIn, I have a LinkedIn profile. You can message me, or you can, you know, ask for us to connect and anything like that, and then we can take it from there.

 

Ari: Oh, great. That’s That’s wonderful. Herb. I mean, again, I am, I’ve got a lump in my throat. I gotta be honest with you. Thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I know that you’ve touched the lives of 1000s of people. You may not know it, but you really, really have and I wish you all the best going to you know your kids. Oh, by the way, I will tell you if you think kids are great. Wait till you have grandkids. That’s what they say. Oh my god, I will tell you this. I have I have a bunch of grandkids. And and by the way, this truth, this truth in the saying that children are our parents and no grandchildren, our parents revenge on their children. Wow. That’s funny. So anyway, Well, we certainly do I wish you all the best. I wish you so much. Thanks so much. You been listening to this prison bricks and I’m your host Gary Shermer. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers unbrick Academy and until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.