84. Michele Risa Life Is A Rollercoaster
83. Josh Olmos Where There’s A Will There’s A Way
Josh Olmos Where There's A Will There's A Way
Josh Olmos Where There’s A Will There’s A Way
Summary:
Josh Olmos runs a successful marketing business, has a podcast, helps homeless youth, is a loving husband and father of 4. But, life wasn’t always that way. Josh became homeless at the age of 14. He describes what happened and how he eventually found his parents. Josh also tells us about the bricks he faced as a young father and what helped him build the life he wanted. But, most of all, he shares the advice he received that helped him overcome any brick you don’t want to miss this!
Show notes:
https://joshuaolmos.com/
https://www.instagram.com/josholmossr/
hello@joshuaolmos.com
Episode Transcription
Intro Plays
Ari: Welcome to Whispers and Bricks My name is Ari Schonbrun, I’m your host I have with me today, Josh. Almost. Josh is Josh is. Well, let’s put it this way. He was a homeless teen, and he went from homeless teen to thriving entrepreneur. Josh is passionate about helping others be intentional about the life they’re creating. He’s a marketing consultant and owner of day by day solutions, a marketing service business for local service businesses. He’s the founder of faith through love, a nonprofit that helps the homeless and families in need in the northern Nevada area. He is also the host of the Be intentional podcast, Josh loves connecting with others and spending time with his wife and four sons in Reno, Nevada. Please help me welcome Josh. Almost. Josh, how are you?
Josh: I’m doing well. Thank you. Thanks for having me on the show. It’s a pleasure.
Ari: I’m very, very excited to have you. How’s your day going? So far?
Josh: It’s going good. Been very productive morning.
Ari: That’s great. Now you’re in Nevada, correct?
Josh: I am. I’m in Reno, Nevada, in Reno, Nevada.
Ari: That’s wonderful. You like to gamble with the people in Nevada are the only ones that don’t gamble.
Josh: No, we go to the casinos for the food.
Ari: I hear you. I hear you. Okay, so before we begin, I have to ask you your first name, when when you introduce yourself to me was Joshua Joshua. But I quickly learned that’s not your real first name. What is what is the name that your parents gave you? Where you now I know why they call you Josh. Oh, sway. Hmm. That is what language Spanish, it’s Spanish. Does it mean anything?
Josh: So it’s actually just Joshua translated into Spanish. Oh, really? That’s why I That’s why Joshua gets the same name.
Ari: Ah, okay. I had no idea. All right, awesome. Great. Now, as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us what the right thing to do is, and they represent the good things in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be honest, All right, everybody goes through stuff in their lives. Sometimes the brick is bigger, sometimes it’s smaller. Sometimes there are more of them, sometimes there are less of them. But at the end of the day, everybody goes through something. And the idea of this podcast is to try and help people that are going through things that they don’t, that they think they’re the only ones going through them, and I bring on guests that, you know, tell their stories, and people realize that, hey, I’m not the only one going through this. So there are several reasons why I shouldn’t be my guest on the show. After our initial conversation, I knew that there were people in my audience who are going through some of the same things that you had gone through, they’d been hit with brick after brick, much like what you had gone through. And they needed to hear and to know that they could get through the trials and tribulations, the same way that you did, they needed to know that there are whispers out there that could save them. Now in your life, you’ve had many bricks thrown at you to start with, as we learned, you became a homeless person at the ripe old age of 14. What was that all about?
Josh: Well, I mean, it’s one of those things where, you know, it’s really easy to think, you know, be sorry for ourselves because we’re kind of a victim of circumstance because at 14 You know, I didn’t have a lot of say and what was going on around me. So my parents were going through a really bad divorce and weren’t speaking to each other. So one thought I was with the other the other thought I was with the other one, they forgot that I was actually on a class trip came home and everybody was gone. And I had no idea where they went. They both moved out of our region. And and so it took me about eight months to track down my mother and then after that, my father,
Ari: so let me understand something you’re on a class trip. Right? You come home was was the house locked? Or did you have keys Did you able to get in what what was the story? If they
Josh: so again, locked it was locked in I kind of broke into my own house.
Ari: Okay to your own house. Awesome. You still had was there like, you know, gas and electric Did you still have you know, was there?
Josh: We I did. I did. There was gas and electric for a couple of days I left to go find them. We lived in a place in Southern California in Escondido, California called elfin forest. So it was about 30 minutes from town driving. So I went into town and that took me a whole day.
Ari: Okay, so you went into town? And did you? Did you? What did you do about school?
I went, well,
you’re, you’re all alone, right? Did you get a key by the way? To the
house? No, no, no.
So So what did you do? I mean, do you leave the front door open? I mean, I
Josh: left a window cracked, but but it was so far away from from town. I, I stayed there a night. And then came back about a week later, just to double check, but didn’t really stay there kind of figured out on my own. I did go to school. You know, I, I guess you can say I was a little bit proud. Because I didn’t want anyone to know that this had happened. It was kind of embarrassing. So I tried to live as normal and like life was going on. And not anyone not let anyone know that anything was happening as far as long as I could.
Ari: Wow. So like, how did you manage? What did you do? I mean, I’m assuming you didn’t have any money. I had to assume. Right. So what did you eat? Where did you go? I mean, close. Yeah. Think. Think about all the things that a person needs, you know, a child. You know, I look at my 17 year old, you know, and he’s 17. Alright, and he would probably not be able to make it on his own. He doesn’t so what did you do? How did you why did you get food from I mean, if you went to a public school, I’m assuming they served your lunch?
Josh: Yes, we did. I did have lunch and then there was a Carl’s Jr. That I knew that someone worked there and and I traded a little bit of labor, I knew a little bit of how to work with my hands. And, and so I worked a little bit on their car. And they, you know, would pay me in their discount in their employee discount for food, so they would give me some food. And I did that. I did that for a while actually that that first night was the hardest, but you know, if you really think it through, you can trade you can trade labor for a lot of things.
Ari: Tell me Tell me real quick about that first night actually, what did where did you sleep? Where did you What did you do?
Josh: So I went to a park that I knew and and it was hard to sleep I have to admit that first one that was a shell shock and I had been a little bit you know, sheltered as a kid so I didn’t really I didn’t really know what was going on. There was a lot of emotions a lot of like that pity party of like, what did I do so wrong that you know, my parents didn’t love me that they would forget about me all that type of stuff. And that lasted for for you know, variously this eight hours, because it was already dark by the time I kind of came through and and it was really cold. I was in shorts and a T shirt. And I realized, man I need to get it together. I can very very realistically die out here. And so it was cold on the benches because they were there you know metal metal. Yeah, really cold. So I went and found kind of like a jungle gym back then they used to have the old wooden jungle gyms and right underneath them there were like wood chips. Now. I know they’re all phone, but back then there were wood chips. And I didn’t have anything. But it was cold. So I knew that if I if I kind of dug underneath the jungle gym, then the wind would go over me if I went slow enough. So So yeah, just with my bare hands a lot of splinters on my hands. A lot of kids are woodchips and so you dig through that and you kind of get to the plastic and under that. And, and yeah, I dug a hole and slept in there as much as I could. Because obviously every every noise kind of was startling, but slept as much as I could and tried to figure out what in the world to do. It was a weekend so I had a couple of days to figure out how the heck to get you know, to school and all that fun stuff.
Ari: You know, it’s it. It brings me It brings back memories of I mean, I remember you know, I’ve spoken to Holocaust survivors who talked to me about you know, running away into the forest and literally doing the same thing you did digging holes and literally digging their own graves, you know, to sleep in order to you know, to keep themselves sheltered and the like and I mean, I can’t imagine what that first night must have been like digging literally thinking to yourself, I’m digging my own grave. You know, I hope I wake up in the morning, that type of thing that’s let me ask you something when we When you were a kid before all this was going on, I mean, you must have had like hopes and dreams like any little kid. Do you remember? Do you remember what they were? If any of them? What What were your hopes and dreams, dreams? And when you were a kid?
Josh: Oh, yeah. When I mean, when I was a kid, I wanted to become a police officer, I wanted to become a cop, because it was, you know, I worked a lot of watched a lot of action movies. And when I was a kid at Bruce Lee was really popular. So you know, that that was kind of the thing. And I came from really humble beginnings, not just that, but before to my dad, first generation, my dad came from Vedat cruise, and became a citizen and opened up a shop, but we, you know, we were not wealthy by any means and, and on the poor scale. So, you know, being able to buy a house and being able to go to college like that was, those were like, big accomplishments for my family at the time, so that I wanted to become a cop. And to me that was like successful, you know, career and buy a house one day and go to college. That was those were my dreams.
Ari: Wow. Wow. So I it’s interesting. You mentioned your your parents came from where your father came from, where he come from? Veracruz, Mexico, he came from Mexico. And but I mean, I’m assuming that he came in legally and he went through all the process. Yeah, went through the process. You know, you must be very, you have to be proud of your dad for that situation. I know what was going on what’s going on today? You know, I don’t want to get political right now. But really, you know, what’s going on with the, at the borders, and like, it’s just a terrible situation. So it’s always nice to hear, you know, about people that have done it legally, and have really made made something of themselves in this country, because let’s be real America is the land of the free and, you know, it’s the land of opportunity, if you just, you know, take the bull by the horns, and I think you, you represent that as well. Because, you know, obviously, you’re doing okay, now, right? You were literally as as your bio said, you went from a homeless to an entrepreneur. And that’s great. Let me ask you this. Was there ever a point in time in your life when you just sank so low? That you said, You know what, I can’t do this anymore. It’s too hard. I’m just gonna give up on my dreams? And, and if that’s the case, how did you overcome? And when did you overcome? When what When did you get out of it?
Josh: Oh, very much. So, just backtracking a little bit? Before I answer that question that, you know, my dad was the one who really instilled the American dream in us and, and to keep fighting and to keep going. I mean, he was so so proud to come to come over and become a citizen, this was the land of opportunity. And I feel like sometimes people who immigrated here, or, like me, who have parents who did it, you know, we really hold on to that American dream, we really hold on to that, you know, the, the, what, what a blessing it is to be an American. And so, you know, I know a lot of there’s a lot of stuff going on, and definitely not getting political and stuff, but but we were really proud. I mean, I know we’re a Mexican family, we stuck to our culture, but we were really, really proud to begin Americans and, and it is a blessing, because I don’t know that things would turn out the way that they did. And I would have had the opportunity that I had, if if my dad would have stayed over there. And this would have happened over there. And so definitely agree with that, that we are, you know, America is a great place to live and grow up in. And so I, you know, me being young, I kind of had to figure things out on my own. And I did a lot of things, some things that worked really well some things that worked that didn’t go really well, to be honest with you, the part that was really, really hard for me, was I had, I had my boys I had two boys, when I was young, when I was really young when I was you know, 18 and 20. And, and, you know, becoming a parent is a whole different ballgame. And we had just got, you know, my wife and I, we had just gotten married, we had just moved into an apartment. And I was working three jobs, you know, I had gone from had burned all the money from from selling the first business that I started just a brick and mortar business, gone through all that to get the apartment to get the car to kind of get us up and going and I thought I would just roll into the next you know, the next business venture. And that didn’t work out and then now I had three mouths to feed and, uh, you know, mortgage and a car payment and, and, you know, before it was just looking out for myself now I had other people. So literally working three jobs. It was really hard. And there definitely became a point where I was like, I can’t do this. It’s too much. It’s too much pressure. Things aren’t going the way I thought they were gonna go. I have no idea what I’m doing. Because that realization kicked in, you know, you’re, you’re a parent, you’re working, you’re doing all this stuff and there’s that you know Work life balance, right? It’s like, I’m not there for the kids, but the kids need to eat, I need to go to work. And it was like, I’m not being a good parent. So all these things right, run through your head.
Ari: Did you wind up with? Were you one of those that like you had too much month at the end of your money?
Josh: Oh, definitely. Definitely. Yeah. And, and also, I mean, I grew up on the streets. So, you know, later, what I found out was a little bit of PTSD, I, I overreacted to a lot of things, because, to me, everything was life and death. Because I grew up. If we didn’t find something to eat today, if I didn’t do this, if I didn’t do that, it really affected my day to day. And so trying to adapt from me, controlling everything, and really having that, you know, fighting for every single step that I took to going into, you know, into society. And it’s a totally different things. I had no idea, no idea about politics in the workplace, or how the hierarchy worked, or any of that type of stuff. And so that stuff was really hard. There was a lot of stuff I was learning at once. A lot of things I didn’t understand. And and it was really easy to get depressed during those times.
Ari: Do you think so? was? Was your wife supportive of you? I mean, I’m assuming Yes. I mean, she married you and you had kids together? I’m assuming she was she was supportive of you. Was she? Did she work at all? Or? Or, you know, was she just taking care of the kids and so that you can go out and do what you needed to do.
Josh: So for the most part, she stayed at home. But yeah, she was definitely supportive, but it was the same thing. She was handling two kids, and, and we were on her own. And, you know, there’s a whole story with that, too. But you know, everyone and I get it, everyone thought that we shouldn’t have had kids or been together. So we were on our own. And so that was hard to you know, she she came from a little bit of a higher class with your family and stuff. And then she was on her own trying to figure it out with me who had no idea what it was doing with two little kids. And so it was definitely a shock for all of our systems. Right.
Ari: That kind of that kind of bring begs the question. When you got married, I mean, you just mentioned that she was from a little bit better. You know, little wealthier homeowner was called wealthy but a little wealthier home than you certainly. What was their parents? What were their thoughts? I mean, did they condone the marriage? Did they were they against it? Were they you know, did they cut her off? Or did they say no, we’ll help you what? What was going on there?
Josh: Yeah, they definitely didn’t condone it. And yeah, it definitely wasn’t cut off thing didn’t attend the wedding or any of that type of stuff. So we were we were definitely on our own.
Ari: Wow. Wow. That’s amazing. So you had two kids? So but at some point in time, you you obviously had turned this around? Tell me about that. What did you do? Like, what are you doing now? I mean, you know, how did you how did you manage?
Josh: You know, I think the biggest thing was realizing that I was in control of my time. You know, my dad used to tell me something where there’s a will there’s a way. And
Ari: my dad used to say to me, my dad, you sent me when there’s a will there are relatives? That’s true, too. And yeah, when there’s a will there’s a way,
Josh: there’s a way, so. So really, it was it was where we intentionally came from, was the fact of if I didn’t want to do this for the rest of my life, because it was going to break me to do to run this heart. What was I going to do today to set up my future. And so taking a step back, taking those hits that came with it, and being purposeful about each step I took that, you know, and then knowing that if I worked hard enough, I could accomplish it. That’s really what changed everything. Because before everything was reactionary, it was just like this is do this has to happen. And so I was just reacting to everything that came my way. When I stopped and actually kind of, you know, planned out where I wanted to go what I wanted to do and was intentional with each step that changed everything.
Ari: Wow. It’s amazing. So I think you also mentioned to me something about a ministry.
Josh: Yeah, I was I was an executive director for for a ministry, a traveling ministry that helped inner city kids. And I did that for 10 years that I started from the very bottom as volunteering because I wanted to make a difference. I started from volunteering, got hired on to handle you know, some of the books and some of the outreaches and then moved up to director and then moved up to Executive Director and Director of Operations and all that on stuff. So that taught me a lot. And that actually is, is where I realized I wanted to go into marketing because I realized how many people are doing amazing things, but they’re the best kept secret, nobody knows about them because they don’t, they’re so busy mastering their craft and doing so well at doing what they do for people that they don’t have time to go out and actually tell people what they do and get more clients and so that that’s actually what what propelled me into marketing.
Ari: That’s, that’s, that’s awesome. I mean, it’s, you know, it must have been very, very satisfying for you, in that environment, knowing that, you know, knowing the environment that you came from, and saying to yourself, you know, what, I know, I know what happened to me, but I’m not going to let it if it’s, you know, if it’s up to me, I’m not going to let it to happen to anybody else, you know, I’m going to do whatever it takes in order to make sure that, you know, people have a decent upbringing, a decent life, etc. So, you know, my hat’s off to you, you know, doing that kind of thing, especially for 10 years, that’s a long time. You know, that’s a long time in that kind of a situation. So my hat’s off to you, you should be really, really proud of yourself.
Josh: Thank you. Thank you appreciate that. And, you know, so I did go into the the Ministry for 10 years. And that was amazing. But also, I mean, you know, sitting down with my wife, and going over what we wanted to do, she was she was in the Air Force, she was in the military for six of those years. And wow, that, you know, her, you know, going off for a little bit. You know, he has an eight month bootcamp. So it’s just me and my boys and doing that stuff. So as being on the same page, and, and really going, Okay, we want to be intentional, we don’t want this lifestyle, we need it, we moved out of out of our hometown, because we wanted to start over. And it was really hard to get away from old habits if you’re surrounded by the same things over and over again. And that was hard. And so doing it together that that was a big deal. So you know, credit to where credit’s due to her being in the Air Force, really, you know, help, especially with the education, especially with insurance and stuff like that. So it was it was a big deal.
Ari:Wow. Wow, that is that’s amazing. And so you were talking about early on? Yeah, two kids. I understand. Now you have four children. Now I have four. Yes, sir. Correct. And how is that working out? Great.
Josh: I mean, it’s wonderful. My My oldest is just graduated high school, and, you know, 18, and then my youngest is six months. So
six months. Wow. Wow, that’s a spread at much. So yes, sir. Yeah. How much you how old? You are the kids. So you have 18? Yeah, s
I have 1816. And then six years old, and then Finland’s
Ari: and then six months. Okay, so you got that 10 year gap between numbers two and three? Yes. All right. That’s not bad. I have eight and a half year gap between four and five. By me, but that’s not the whole story. And this is about you not about me. So we’re not going to go there. Anyway, that’s amazing. Do you have siblings?
Josh: I do. My sister who is the oldest 10 years older than me. She has cerebral palsy.
Ari: So who’s taking care of her? My mom.
Josh: My mom is taking care of her. Yeah. So okay, great. Yeah, yeah. And then you have a guy that I have a brother. He’s six years older than me. And he’s in Orange County right now. And he runs a car detailing business. So
Ari: car detailing. Yeah, I could be a customer if I was in California, but I’m in New York, but trust me, my car needs detail. Wow, that’s great. That’s, that’s really great. So it really sounds like you haven’t put together you figured it out. I might again, my hat’s off to you. I just, you know, I think if it were me, I would be dead by now. So, but really my hat’s off to you. So before we go. Is there anything that you would share with my audience words of wisdom words of advice you can give to my audience? Yeah,
Josh: I mean, I would definitely just harken back to two things. One is apparently what my dad said was true, where there’s a will there’s a way you know, you have to be willing to sacrifice something because everything comes at a cost. And so sacrifice something is for what you really want. And then two is be intentional about what you’re doing this life has a really, really easy way of getting you caught up and just reacting and just living day by day and everyday passes by so fast. So if you don’t stop and make intentional steps, you’ll end up somewhere where you didn’t want to be
Ari: great. Definitely words of wisdom. One more question. If you had to point to an individual that had a you know, huge influence on your life, who would that be?
Josh: But it was my Dad, my dad definitely had the biggest influence not only by example of, you know, him coming over, but also when I found him and you know, and told him what happened, he broke down and he apologized and, and it actually got him and my mom talking, they didn’t get back together or anything, but start talking and start doing that. Because the way he responded to everything was amazing. You know, he was my best friend before he passed away in 2010. But we had such a great relationship, and he was my best friend. And he really showed me from, you know, from the very beginning to the end, you know, how a man should be and what what we can do when we get over ourselves and try to do what’s best.
Ari: Wow, you know, you’re, to a degree, you’re doing God’s work. That’s what I feel. If people want to get a hold of you, what’s the best way for them to do that email, you have a website, you know, if they want to, if they want to talk to you, because they need help, or they just want to schmooze, or they just, you know, want to say hello, and my hat’s off to you, you know, how would they do that?
Josh: So all of the above, I have a website, Josh, called most Sr, because my son is also Joshua levels. So JOSHOLMOS s r.com. There’s a chat there that you can just click on it. And you know, it goes straight to my email. So I’ll contact you within 24 hours, you can email me directly, Joshua, hello at Joshua Alan watts.com. Or you can find me on Instagram and DM me if that’s easier for you, Josh, almost Sr. I love to connect, I would love to chat. And I’m always here to help.
Ari: That’s so great. So my yada if you’re there my audience that I want to talk to, if you know if Josh’s life resonates with you, and it’s you know, and you might be something you might be going through some of the things that he went through. He’s the type of guy who will be more than happy to talk to you talk you through it, give you some words of advice, give you some inspiration. He’s just that type of guy. He is the type of person that I think we need more of in this world. You know, we’re in a in a in a world that is a little bit, you know, topsy turvy upside down a little scary. But with people like Josh almost in the world. We’re going to get through this and we’re going to we’re going to do great, Josh, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I’m sure that you’ve touched the hearts and lives of many people, my audience, good luck, go. Good luck going forward. Send my best to your wife and of course to your children, and keep doing what you’re doing. Thanks so much. You been listening to his prison bricks and I’m your host Gary Shermer. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers in bricks Academy coaching and until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.
82. Lily Walford Find Love That Lasts
Lily Walford Find Love That Lasts
Lily Walford Find Love That Lasts
Summary:
Lily Walford was a successful accountant for fortune 500 companies but found herself in the wrong relationships. She went from dating a narcissistic psychopath to someone who was emotionally unavailable. Lily took this brick, listened to the whispers, and tried to figure out what was happening. First, she wanted to find out why she attracted the wrong men. She learned a lot has to do with your mindset and also being able to profile behavior to know when you’re dealing with a dangerous personality. Then, she used this knowledge and experience to help people find lasting, loving relationships.
Show notes:
https://www.lovewithintelligence.com/
https://www.facebook.com/LoveWithIntelligence
Love with Intelligence Youtube Channel
Episode Transcription
Intro Plays
Ari: Welcome to Whisper and Bricks. My name is Ari Schonbrun. I’m your host. My guest today is Lily Walford, Willie Walford, Lily Walford, is an accountant turned international dating and relationship coach, after going through a couple of relationships with psychopathic narcissists, as she says, as she tried to figure out what attracted her to those types of people that led her on this mission to help 1000s of people to experience real, genuine and honest love that lasts. She worked with singles and couples to improve their love lives, so they enjoy lasting undeniable love. Lily has worked with industry leaders within behavioral psychology and body language, which has supported her to create powerful results with our clients, such as people meeting their partner within 21 days through Lily’s exclusive compatibility matrix matrix approach, and she’s supported couples to reclaim the passion and chemistry within their current relationships. Her work has also been mentioned in national and international press, and she regularly contributes to various publications, such as cosmopolitan and Marie Claire, please help me welcome Lily Walford, Lily, how are you today?
Lily: Great. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me on today. I’m super excited to dive into all these crazy topics.
Ari: That’s great. I’m excited to have you on the show. You know, we’ve had some conversations earlier on you and I. And I was just fascinated. And I think my audience is going to be fast. And I think they I think that really, really going to enjoy this show. So as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling you what the right thing to do is and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be real, everybody gets hit with a brick at some point in time, either life or another. Some more bricks, some less bricks, some big brick, some little bricks, but nobody goes through life on a high from beginning to end. It just doesn’t happen. So for you, life seemed pretty good. You’re an accountant, you work for a fortune 500 company, right things to go tell us a little bit about that part of your life. To start off, tell us what you know, how you got there, what you were doing?
Lily: Yeah, so originally, when I came out of secondary school, I went straight into the family business, we had these really cute little, you know, retail shops, one was an old fashioned sweet shop, another one was, okay, a jewelry shop. And it really got me fascinated about business. I thought, Okay, I want to go into accountancy. And my slowly sort of built up and went into went into more corporate and worked ended up in Fortune 500 companies. And before I entered my, you know, created my business now, I was, you know, working for Fortune 500 company, I was in a relationship that I thought was absolutely fantastic. You know, lived in a beautiful four bedroom home in a beautiful area of the city to brand new Mercedes on the drive. And I think I was only about 2024 25 at the time. So I thought, okay, brilliant, life’s all mapped out. And all of a sudden, you know, we ended that relationship. We went from going on to talking about holidays, and where we’re going to go next to a couple of hours later, it was like got this text saying we need to talk. And I was like, great. Okay, so within a weekend, I suddenly you know, lost, you know, my relationship had to move house kept Mercedes that’s always good. And had to sort of almost rebuild my life and it got me really questioning, okay, what’s important to me? You know, why am I ending up in the wrong kind of relationships and it really got me wondering, okay, what is a healthy relationship because even prior to that ended up in like you’re saying, the psychopathic narcissistic relationship, and even in that relationship, I stopped for five years after that relationship. Oh, my God. So vain.
So basically things were going well until you started to date a guy who turned out to be as you put it, a psychopathic narcissist. All right, I guess that’s when the brick started to hit. As you kind of mentioned, you know, you mentioned the losing the house losing whatever it was, tell us what was going on at that point. Um, you know, yeah. He said you have to talk. And and what happened?
Yeah, so that relationship wasn’t with the psychopathic narcissist, or psychopathic narcissist was a little bit before that one. But it was the relation that relationship again, it just wasn’t it wasn’t right wasn’t. So basically we’re both very self unaware, both emotionally unavailable. Because anyone who goes through like a narcissistic relationship or relationship you’ve been controlled, you tend to struggle to trust yourself and struggle to trust other people. So you tend to hold people at arm’s length. So basically, we’re to damage people that really couldn’t, you know, we couldn’t keep that relationship going anymore. And when that relationship ended, it kind of got me thinking, Okay, what’s going on within me? Why am I attracting these kinds of relationships, whether they’re narcissistic, whether they’re emotionally unavailable, whether they’re just not right for me, and within that years, when that relationship ended within 12 months, I became an NLP practitioner and Master Practitioner, a life coach and hypnotherapist I did a bit of public speaking. And I created a business whilst working full time in a whole new job in a different city. You know, a lot of changed in that time. But it did make me realize that self development, you know, self confidence, self worth is great, but it’s still not quite enough when it comes to relationships.
Ari: So, so let me get this straight. You know, after after, it seems like you’ve got hit with a couple of bricks, you know, depending upon how many guys we talk about. But at this point F, you know, right before you changed your whole life, I think as you said, as we discussed, you actually hit rock bottom. All right, now, let me ask you this, when you hit that rock bottom, did you say to yourself, was there any point in time you said to yourself, you know what, I quit. I’ve given up myself, I’ve given up on my dreams, you know, I’m not doing this anymore. I’m gonna curl up into a little ball and die. Okay. And if that was the case, how did you turn it around?
Lily: It was quite interesting, actually. So I think during that time, so when that relationship broke down, you know, few, a few days before my dog had just recovered from an from an operation. So I was like, sleeping on the sofa for two weeks waiting for my dog to recover. You know, getting told off at work for having it having time off around. So I was like, emotionally exhausted, and then the relationship ended. So and then realizing, okay, I’ve got to somehow, you know, pack up the house, move and arrange all these different things. And it was almost like, running off adrenaline. I think that’s the only way I can kind of put it it was very much like, just need them to get these things done. There was a moment when I was packing up the kitchen, I was alone in the house. And it just kind of really hit me It suddenly really made me realize wow, I’m leaving this life that I genuinely thought I loved and it’s like okay, I’m kind of taking parts of me and parts of these memories and parts of these lives and and trying to organize it into my new life. And yeah, I completely broke down I never known pain like it was like just literally felt it ripping through me thinking okay, I’m just being completely removed from this life. haven’t got a clue what’s going to happen next haven’t got a clue how I’m going to you know, move forward. But there was something in me that just snapped and it said right okay, I thought this life was good. I thought that this was right for me. It’s obviously not but I’m committing to myself to make sure whatever I go into next is going to be better. And it was Yeah, it kind of it kind of allowed me then to create that driving force of not settling.
Ari: Okay, so you made you basically made a decision. Alright, stuck with your decision to get out of the climb out of the the bottom of the barrel basically. Were your parents involved at all? Did you did you have conversations with them? Were they helpful? You know what was going on with that?
Lily: Yeah, thank goodness. They were super super helpful. So they were about about 6060 miles away so it wasn’t too bad but an hour and a half away drive. And I had my sister running up picking up the dog going back and helping me pick up you know, items of furniture, clothes, you know line by line. Sorry, get my words out a lot. I’m going to make a really easy transition sort of moving back close to family because I moved back in with my parents for a term whilst also looking for a job. And whilst also driving, you know, was it meant to just over two hour round trip going back to my job, which was in that city? Because I had a two month notice periods as well during that time. So it was, it was crazy.
Ari: Okay, so you pick yourself up by your bootstraps, as they say, and you decided that you were going to start a new business?
My right. Almost.
Okay, so tell me talk to me.
Lily: Yeah, so um, you know, whilst I was going through all the craziness, this is when I actually started to realize I actually can’t do all this on my own. And that’s when I’ve actually made the decision that I’d actually reached out to a life coach. Because I always thought that, you know, being able to reach out to someone like a life coach never done it before. It scared me to death because I thought I need for the week, people, I had this big belief system around that. And I was amazed whilst going through all this transformation whilst going through this crazy journey. You know, having the ability to understand myself and actually learning actually, to have that kindness towards myself and realizing how amazing this was. I actually wanted to go into it. So this is when I actually started to go, Okay, well, you know, what’s life coaching? How do I get into it? And it was really strange, because all of a sudden, my mom’s best friend, I found out her partner was in something called NLP. And, you know, they’ve been together for ages. I don’t know why I hadn’t met him, you know, for I think it was they were together over sort of five or six years by that point. And for whatever reason, hadn’t met him until the moment I decided to sort of go into NLP. And we had this conversation about what it was and how it works with the subconscious mind. And within 10 minutes, as well, you know, during that conversation, we actually had a chat about addictions and chocolate, really, really random. And chocolate was one of these things I absolutely loved. And within 10 minutes, I couldn’t touch it. And I couldn’t touch chocolate for about 18 months after that point, which is just crazy. And it made me realize actually how powerful NLP is, and how powerful the mind is when it comes to actually creating these changes. So when that happened, that was it. I was told I needed to understand everything about NLP, I wanted to understand everything about the mind. And I also wanted to help people overcome, you know, various different issues within their lives, which then later on developed into, you know, understanding relationships, improving relationships, and going down that line of business. Well,
Ari: I’m a novice. Okay. And I’m a I, you know, I don’t know that can you? Can you start by telling me, what is NLP? What does that stand for?
Lily: Yeah, so it’s neuro linguistic programming.
Ari: And what is that? What is that,
Lily: you know, if you go online, you will see so many different interpretations of it. But mine would be it’s the way that we communicate on a subconscious basis. Because a lot of people tend to focus on trying to just force them mind to think a certain way. But when you actually start working with the subconscious, you can end up having lasting changes. So it’s a little bit like the subconscious, the part of the mind that allows us to automatically drive and not realize we’ve taken a turning and we end up at a final destination. versus, you know, the conscious mind were like, Okay, we’re gonna go on a diet start Monday, and all we can think about is the chocolate cake.
Ari: I hear that right. Story of my life. Right. So but you had some help. As you know, as we discussed before the show you met or gotten got in touch with a gentleman that was going to work with you. Chase, I think was his name, correct?
Lily: Yeah. So that was 12 months into my journey. So when I went through all the NLP and all those different things, I thought it was fantastic but realized it wasn’t quite enough when it came to, you know, relationships and really understanding who’s compatible, who’s safe and all those different things. And at that point, I was dating, and I ended up meeting another stalker Long story short, from just my profile picture, and just from a couple of messages, he had managed to find out where I lived, and send a big bunch of flowers. And you know, alarm bells were ringing, my mum bless her who’s lovely she was she was going okay when you’re going to meet the guy, because that tends to be the first thing that we think to do. As soon as we receive something we want to be able to give back in some sort of way. That’s a whole other whole other realm direction, that conversation of how influence works. So I knew that this person was a stalker, I knew it was a dangerous personality type, and this person knew where I lived. And that’s when I reached out to one of my friends who I knew that was working with Chase. And you know, sent the messages sent the pitch the profile over, and within a few minutes, Chase actually allowed me to understand the ways to actually disengage with this dangerous personality type without being rude without being confrontational. And all of a sudden, this person didn’t want to assume anymore. And I knew from that moment, I wanted to, to understand more about behavior and behavioral profiling, and how that I can actually use that to allow people to stay safe. So chase a little bit of background on him. He is a world leader in behavioral profiling, he has trained over two and a half 1000 military operatives, to a Jason Bourne James Bond kind of level, with $30 million worth of government backed research. So he knows his stuff, you know, you can profile peoples in six minutes or less and read body language better than a polygraph machine. So it’s just insane. And when I, when I’ve sort of started to understand more about chases work, that was it, I went on a course I learned more about him, and we partnered up in business to be able to give this to, you know, to start off with singles who wants to go ahead and meet the one and uncute so fast dating because was it two people in you know, two women in the UK every week, get killed by their partners or ex partners? Bear in mind, the UK is quite small. And you know, one in three women and one in four men, you know, in the US go through physically abusive relationships. And it shows that it’s a huge problem. Yeah,
sounds like it sounds like you, wow.
So through this, we’re able to profile people and say, okay, this person is safe to be with, this person is actually compatible with you. And all of my clients I’ve worked with using this information of all entered into long term relationships, some as little sorry, some have entered those relationships in as little as 21 days as well. That is
absolutely amazing. It’s just, it’s crazy. It’s really absolutely amazing. So let me ask you this, and I think I know the answer, but I’ll ask anyway, who is the one person you would point to, that you would say had the most influence in your life?
Believe it or not, I think I might surprise you. But it would be my partner, when we actually meant we actually entered a relationship shortly after I did want to chase his courses. And over that, over the span of our relationship, and so far, we have learned so much about each other what creates a healthy relationship. He’s also a behavioral profiler, as well. And, you know, together you know, we’ve learned so much that there’s that’s helped us to help so many other couples and singles, worldwide, so we, I would say him.
Wow. Okay, so now, what are you doing now? I think you’ve got you mentioned to me that you’ve got some exciting news, you want to tell you want to share it with us, please.
Yeah, so we’ve just launched our radio station, which is just been absolutely incredible. So we’re now reaching, I believe it’s 1.5 million listeners every week.
Wow. That is great. And I assume that along this this program is all about relationships and making the right choices etc Am I correct?
is all about you know, love relationships, dating how to improve relationships. And we’re also launching a book this year as well. So we’re looking to launch in June
oh, what kind of book What’s the book about
so this is predominantly for professionals who are looking at to meet the right partner.
Ari: Wow, that’s awesome. You know, I It’s I’m so I’m so glad that you agreed to come on the show I think was very, very important. Let me ask you this. If people want to get in touch with you, what will be the best way for them to do that you have a website. I know you haven’t, you can have a radio show. But you have a website, you have an email address. What What have you got? How can people get a hold of you?
Yeah, of course. So, our website is love with intelligence.com. And you can also contact us through email and that’s info at love with intelligence.com.
Wow, well, it looks like you’re really really doing a lot. It looks like you’re you’re you’re helping a lot of people. I’m sure you’ve helped. I’m sure you you have helped and will be helping a lot of people in my audience. It’s absolutely amazing. Right. And, and, and one so young, I mean, you’re you’re what? How old are you?
Lily: I’m 2929
Ari: Oh my god, you can be my daughter. Wow. Okay, great. Well, Lily, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. Good luck going forward. Keep doing what
81. Justen Arnold Don’t Be Afraid To Express Yourself
Justen Arnold Don't Be Afraid To Express Yourself
Justen Arnold Don’t Be Afraid To Express Yourself
Episode Transcription
Intro Plays
Summary:
Justen Arnold is a father, business owner, coach, author, and podcast host. He has been hit with a lot of bricks. From being a victim of sexual assault as a young child, attempted murder, car crashes, and so much more! He describes some of his experiences and the whispers that helped him throughout his life. He reminds us not to hope for a perfect life but the strength to endure a difficult one. Life is not ideal for anyone, but we can remain realistically optimistic about our lives. Enjoy both the highs and lows of life. Both are a gift. Finding ways to express ourselves is vital for ourselves and can also help others. He also points out that self-care is not selfish. It allows us to give those we love the best version of us.
Show notes:
https://justenarnold.com/
https://flexxmp.com/
https://justenarnold.com/podcast/
bemore@justenarnold.com
https://www.facebook.com/justen.arnold
Episode Transcription
Intro Plays
Ari: Welcome to whispers and bricks. My name is Barry Sherman. I’m your host I have with me as a guest Justin Arnold’s who is just an Arnold well, just an aural is a committed husband, active father of three adventurer nutritionist, strength and conditioning coach, musician, best selling author, public speaker, consultant, and multi certified movement and life optimization coach. Man, I’m tired just reading all that. He is the founder of flex mobility and performance a multifaceted health and wellness organization, and host of the successful podcast one step further. With more than 15 years in the health and fitness industry. He also runs a popular YouTube channel and has written or contributed to dozens of articles for various blogs, publications and podcasts. As a survivor of severe childhood sexual and psychological abuse, attempted murder, and severe trauma. Justin is on a mission to take care of all people, whether it’s families, individuals or acquaintances through his holistic philosophy regarding physical, nutritional, mental and spiritual well being. He believes that if people have access to the best tools and knowledge in a sympathetic environment, they will be able to achieve their fullest human potential. When he’s not working out reading or writing, you can find them hiking, playing drums, drawing or meditating, sometimes with his family, sometimes by himself, because he believes to be the best version to others. You have to work you have to do the inner work and find time to love and work on yourself. From a philanthropic standpoint he regularly donates to and volunteers with various organizations, including his church and mission work with NGO ministries. Please help me welcome Justin Arnold. Justin, how are you?
Justen: I’m doing great. I didn’t you realize when you hear those things, you do that and I am all those things. So it’s just incredible. In this short life, I’ll actually be 41 Tomorrow I’m having a birthday and it’s just I still feel, I think 40 One’s a new 21. For me, I feel like I’m in the best shape of my life. I’m living a really good life. And I feel super blessed. But it wasn’t always that way as you got a little bit of a taste in that story. And, and yeah, I mean, we, before we got on here, like I was telling you like, like, life definitely comes in seasons. I was literally just in Mexico a couple of weeks ago with my wife on a movement retreat. And here I am back in Rochester, New York, where we just got like two feet of snow. Yes. It’s kind of a euphemism for life. Right.
Ari: You go. There you go. Let me ask you something. How do you deal with having two first names?
Justen: You take my middle name, man. Yeah. Oh, Shane Arnold, my middle name is Shane Shane.
Ari: Three first names?
Justen: I do I have three first names. How do I deal with that? It’s not the first time that even asked that on a podcast and for some of Vanessa. I don’t know. I gotta get Steve his name for a reason. Maybe it’s a joke. I don’t know. I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you a funny story with my first name. It’s for those that are listening. And don’t know me it’s spelled with an EN. So as J usde. In instead of n i n. People ask me why I was like, you’re gonna have talked to my parents. My mom was a hippie. So maybe they that was their way of being different in 81. But the funny story is in first grade talk about like, this wasn’t the most traumatic thing, but obviously, it must have been traumatic it as a first grader. My teacher literally sent me to the principal’s office for purposely spelling my name wrong. I was spelling it right. Which I did not believe me. Oh, you’re not believe me that it was an E? And she’s like, No, nobody spells her name with an E and I’m like, It’s yet and then people were like, Are you related to Arnold Schwarzenegger? And I’m like, No, that’s is my last name. Like, all these weird things. And then there’s other stuff like, oh, man, oh, the way people pronounce it or you pronounce just 10 like they will emphasize Chen. Just just it like just a name and I don’t go butchering all your all his name. It is what it is. I am happy with it.
Ari: Yeah, I guess your parents were having fun with it as well. Okay, so as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us what the right thing to do is and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life and trust me, everybody has a brick thrown at them at some point in time or another in their lives. Some more bricks, some less bricks, some bigger bricks, some smaller bricks, but life is not a straight ride. It’s not a straight path. You know, there are many, many ups and downs. Now there were several reasons why I asked you to be a guest on the show. See on the outside looking in, you look like anybody else good marriage, great kids, business owner, etc. But after our initial conversation, the real truth came out the bricks that you were hit with sexual abuse, broken neck, car crashes, etc, which we’ll get to later on. It was then that I knew that there were people, my audience, were going through some of the same things that you had gone through. They had been hit with brick after brick, much like what you had gone through. And they needed to hear and to know that they could get through the trials and tribulations, the same way that you did. They needed to know that the old whispers out there that could save them. You got hit with some really, really bad bricks, and it started at an early age. Can you take us back to those early years? And tell us what was happening? What was going on with
you?
Justen: Yeah, for sure. So we all have stories, and you know, I don’t want when I go on mine, I don’t want to act like what was me. And that’s not why I put my story out there. I want it to be encouragement. And like you said, we all got breaks, we’ve all got stories, we’ve all got pain, male got trauma. Yeah, mine started at a very early age, even before I you know, I guess we’re developing the memories of swords. Apparently, I was supposed to be I had a twin that didn’t survive. Somehow I survived, you know, and my twin did not come birth. My mom can go down the explanation of that. That’s just the information I was given. I know, it’s something about the umbilical cord or whatever. But at about age five, six, yeah. You know, this is the time I’m living in the south of Chicago. And I had two older siblings and, and, and, you know, my parents just doing the best job that they can chose the babysitter that was a family friendly, think family friendly, good idea. Well, between the ages of five and six, so for about a year or so I would be molested and abused and, and and you know, without going into great detail like use your imagination, like some of the worst things you can imagine somebody doing to a five or six year old boy or happening. And because it was so traumatic as we know now with psychology, that stuff sticks, so that you know those things are in my mind. And they have been and if you really know the science behind things that happen before the age of seven, literally get ingrained into your central nervous system. And so that’s where like health is such a big deal with me, because I’m aware of these things. So I know other people who do physical pain or issues or things like that, why I’m also a life coach kind of manifests itself at a very early age. And so like, you know, a father, yelling at his wife, or neglecting his kids could have been because of some traumatic event that happened when you’re younger. Me being self having the self awareness and knowing that makes me more aware of these situations, because I’m able to honestly address it and know that just because he’s happened to me, I didn’t have control over it. So we sometimes when we go through these things, we tend to blame ourselves or we try to avoid it and run away from it. But we never really actually can run really got to face it. And some of these can have a purpose to them. Even though it’s suck, let’s be honest. You’re I’m five or six. So I’m not weak for just because I’m a man now and I was avoidant, and doesn’t make me weak for this, like I allowed that to happen to it. But sometimes as men, we can look at it as a weak point or light. So we don’t want to talk about it. But I think we need to because it’s still festered that it’s even if we don’t think so. So a little bit more like besides the molestation, like, it got so bad to the point that he knew there was no way out, I assume I’m not his mind. But he wanted to set the house on fire with us inside. But you ended up leaving my oldest brother who did survive. But he eventually last minute he took me in my other brother, and got us out, took us to the neighbors and look like an almighty savior. And he got away with it for a little bit. Until I I was the one that spoke up. And I only know that I spoke up because my mom told me later on I don’t really remember, I just remember my mom beating this stereo steering wheel and this one this parts in the book beating this year. And I was like saying I’m gonna kill him, I’m gonna kill him. But what parent wouldn’t want to kill somebody that you entrusted your children and again, this is going on for a year. The crazy thing is, you know, we go into a new life and, and moving into a house and the court cases with that is going on. And you know, you think, oh, a new fresh start, but an older sibling comes into our house and continues abuse or that babysitter left off. And that went on until about I was the age of nine. And and so yeah, very early age people. You know, this wasn’t at all over there that I realized, like love and care if people were supposed to care about me care about me literally like was altered until I was like, able to address it because it’s like, it’s like the people that were supposed to take care of me love me, you know, protect me we’re doing pretty much the opposite. Like are abusing me and raping me and and and treating me like like, just not ideal, you know and I could have and I went through bouts of you know, mental health and and things when I was younger but it was really like finally like finding various outlets and tools and and realize, man this this is just a chapter in my life that occurred and and while it was it was a horrible thing that happened at I would, in my mind, I want to say I was like 12, or 13, when I was like, they control me for so long, and I’m not gonna let them control me and my mental state, and I knew that being depressed or sad, or even trying to run away, and we, like I said, can’t really run away, they’re still in control. So from a very 12 year old, like, like, I’m not gonna let you control me kind of attitude, it’s evolved in a much more mature approach. But in that beginning stages, it was like, it was actually a good approach to kind of like, you know, what, I can’t control what they did, but I can control myself and my mindset around everything moving forward, because I knew that if I let these events continue to affect my mind, State and other things, and if I didn’t have the self awareness around it, it would affect all my relationships moving forward for the rest of my life. So anyways, I know I kind of went on there. But yeah, it started at a fairly early age, there’s other things I had. And I remember neighbor, kids, like even going on, like, throw me down in the gutter and, and, like, beat me up pretty regularly. And, and being called names and, and being bullied. No, I was, I was, I was never a fat kid. But I was only a chunkier kid. But even back then, people were me. You were mean to me, and like, it’s like, I look back, and it’s like, you know, it just was part of life. But you know, I know people deal with some of these things now, or have dealt with it. And I, you know, I, and I get it, like, there’s times where you want to give up. But I really truly believe we’re all meant for a purpose on this planet. And I really believe that, like, the devil was in overtime, for lack of a better way to phrase it to really get rid of me quick. And, you know, in my stubborn, optimistic, you know, realist perspective, and I was like, you know, what, I’m gonna do everything I can to make this world a better place, because there’s a lot of pain. And I realized, hurt people hurt people. So even though it sucked, what happened to me, these people are hurting too. And they’re just trying to put their pain onto me. And I’m not going to let that I’m not going to let them win in that. So if anything, I want to help younger people, I want to help people with whatever whether it be it started with physical with my personal training, and then I do the live coaching with the metal because I realized if I can help you in just a few people here and there, hopefully, hopefully, it’ll have a domino effect in the lives that they come in contact with, to prevent things that happen to me and may sound simple, but I truly believe work like this can help. So
Ari: no, I hear. And it’s, you know, so you had all those bricks thrown at you early on. But then the Wisner started to come into you saying, like, No, you don’t need to suffer, you don’t need to, you know, take this into yourself, and, you know, just, you know, hide it, so to speak, or, you know, not let anybody know about it, it’s, you know, they say it’s very important, you know, part of the healing process, in general is speaking is talking about it, all right, because if you suppress it, it can be so much worse. So, you know, my hat’s off to you that you’re willing to talk about it and you’re willing to, you know, let people into your life, you know, in a certain area where most people would not, you know, want to do that. But you know, I think you have, you know, an altruistic motive. And my hat’s off to you to tell it tell us a little bit more about you. I mean, you mentioned to me you had broken your neck. Uh, you you were in carpet. What what? Yeah. Talk to me, man. Talk to me,
Justen: like, so like, yeah, like, like, yeah, so, like you mentioned early on, people look at me, and they assume everything’s good. And I’ve even had people like, you’ve got great genetics, and everything’s good. Everything always works. I’ve had people say that. And that was part of motivation of like, even writing the book, I had a friend and plant the idea when I was on a mission trip to write the book, but then I was like, Nah, nobody wants to hear my stuff. Like, you know, everyone’s got stuff to deal with. But I realized I kind of had to, and if I could, like, positively affect one person by this book, even if that person is me. But yeah, so So yeah, a lot has happened. We again, we all have stuff, but like, they may look like I’m chasing pain, and maybe I was at one point, but I’m just an adventurer, and I want to enjoy life. You got one life. And you know, even I say this, like even though there’s storms, storms happen all the time, like life never gets easy. It’s always challenging. It’s not like if you make a certain amount of money, it’s all of a sudden going to be rainbows and unicorns, that’s not going to happen. But even through the pain, even though the trauma even through the hardship, you can still enjoy some of those times when I’m trying to enjoy life. Yeah, accidents happen. So I’ve been in several car wrecks. Not all my faults, and one thing I’m like driving crazy. One was in 2005, for example, where I was managing a restaurant at the time when I was going to pick up supplies and this I lived in Kentucky. And it never snows really where we’re at like, like so they don’t really know how to handle it. So the roads are like super slick. And I remember I don’t I remember all the details. I just remember somebody some of the blades and next thing I knew somebody in front of me slammed on the brakes. I said I knew I was in the hospital. The police report basically said that I would propelled like a helicopter basically airborne and slammed into another vehicle. I guess my vehicle lost control, I hit a pole and then I hit a vehicle or something. Anyways, I was found in the path hanging out the passenger side window because my seatbelt had ripped off, broken off. I ended up having nine staples in my head, I fractured at least one vertebrae in my neck. So basically a break been on a clean break where I was paralyzed, but it did affect some nerve endings in my body. And so I had a neck brace, I had this like mountain on top of my head, it looked like it was literally like, somebody had put a softball inside it. And and, and I took months to recover from In fact, my dad was in Illinois came back and so this was 2005. So you’re looking at is like, you know, so I’m like about 2425 years old. And my dad came two days later, thank God he was there literally my vehicles destroyed and I can’t drive him drugged up and everything else he might bring in a penetrating pen hemorrhaging, so I had to go back to the hospital and get a drain because it was like the pain literally felt like it was my head was gonna explode. 2007 I had a snowboarding accident again, just avid outdoors person avid snowboarding, this wasn’t my first time just on some like, click some hills in southern Indiana. And, and again, it snows there but not like it did that day. It was like we hit a middle of a snowstorm. And so they they it’s like a mixture of manmade. So this is a way to explain to me that mixture of manmade snow and just right between the snowstorm and the wind and it was really slick. So when I came off a jump, I landed and I just normally I’m fine. But I had no control. I lost control. I don’t really remember what happened. It just felt like I broke my arm. I didn’t break my arm, I broken my neck, or fractured my neck in two places so bad. Somehow I was able to walk. I’m not making this up. But apparently the way the doctor it affected again, all the nerve endings in my left arm went to this Podunk
Indiana hospital, they don’t know what’s wrong, they put me in a sling and send them away. So I’m back to back to Lexington, Kentucky, which in the time was like an hour and a half drive hitting all these bumps and everything else. I get a call at 7am I’m not like trying to dramatize this. This is a legit story. 7am I get a call from Lexington hospital. And she’s like one of the best hospitals in the country. Like they’re like don’t move again and what’s on the way and they don’t tell me anything else. You just hang up. I’m like, what’s going on? I found out I got to the hospital and I just saw like doctors shaking their head looking at me like they got me in the neck brace they got me like, like when the they picked me up, they put me in one of those like, like orange like, like I was like basically I couldn’t move. And I’m like what’s going on? Anyways, apparently, that hospital sent my X rays down there and overnight, they checked him out my my vertebrae to the two vertebrae that were fractured. I think C six and C seven but don’t quote me on that. I’d have to go look, the two that were fractured was was bad enough that like if I would have hit the wrong bump, if I would have slept the wrong way the night before. Like if I would have turned my head like I could have completely broken them and been paralyzed. Like this is what the doctor was telling me. No, I did not sue anybody or anything else. It is what it is. And I looked at it again. People call me crazy. I was grateful. Like I was optimistic I could have been and this is like my whole life. This is just the story like this happens. Things could have been way worse. Like with the correct things could have been I could have been dead. Like with the birth. I think it all started with a birth like I was born in my twin was not like I’m grateful I get life to do again and do better. And that’s why like I show up in the relationship so I can go on and on source. Yeah, I broke my neck. I’ve torn this shoulder like all four rotator cuff muscles in his shoulder. I’ve injured my hip. i i What are some other crazy things that have happened? I remember one car wreck where my vehicle completely flipped over I was in the hospital. I owe to a week before I was gonna get married. Here’s another one a week before I was gonna get married. And maybe people can relate to this might even have worse stories but like it’ll be an optimist and be a realist. But like a week before I got married, I was rushed to the hospital felt like literally someone who’s ripping my skull open.
Real quick. I went to a doctor, they just thought I had migraines. I’ve never had my hair in my life and I took this medicine I woke up at midnight and literally felt like somebody’s taking their hands and ripping over the back of my skull. It’s like it had to be the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. It brought me to tears and like I was like it was I can’t really connect it any other pain I’ve ever add to my life. And so they did a spinal tap juice and fluid did all these tests, I stayed for a few days, they really didn’t know. Finally, I think like three or so days later, they came in and said I had a rare or new form of meningitis. So they sent it off to the state lab to be researched. They asked my permission, I said, Sure, whatever is in the hospital for another weekend. And so that just kind of like wiped me. And then we got married. And then a month later, I was in the hospital because my appendix almost burst which they correlated to the meningitis. It didn’t burst, thank God, but it almost burst. And so like that I removed, which completely being in the health and wellness and nutrition actually helped me because I work with a lot of people have gut issues. I was one of those guys before the appendix thing. I could eat and do whatever I want. As long as I stayed active, you know what I mean? Like nothing really bothered me, as long as I stayed active, which I’m a pretty active guy. After that, like everything, I became lactose intolerant, I couldn’t handle breads, I couldn’t handle all these different things. My gut would inflame for no reason I became really gassy. And I’m like, I can’t do this. So But it got me to really explore food and nutrition. And because I’m all this person to like, I don’t want to just eat chicken, broccoli, rice and salad. I want to eat delicious foods. How can we do this, but keep in planning the inflammation down. And so I’ve really discovered that this was in 2011 ish when this happened. So are 2010. So we’re looking at 11 years over the last 11 or 12 years or so I’ve really just really hammered in like delicious food. And as I say, my clients, it’s low inflammation that’s good for people like so I’ve worked with everybody with, you know, different kinds of gut issues, from GI issues to appendix issues. You know, even when I was writing this book, like, you know, life comes in storms, I’ll here’s one more story and then we can move on. But I ended up having coming back from the Dominican Republic where I was on a mission trip. And I just was having weird stuff going on in my stomach. And I went to a gastroenterologist to do some stuff because everything I was knew that I was doing wasn’t working. I found out Yeah, I became sugar intolerant, but it wasn’t just that they ended up asking if I’d like to do a colonoscopy. And a lot of people know that now because colon cancer is on the rise. But I’m 41 typically don’t do it till mid to late 40s. She’s like, we don’t have to do it. But I’m like, Hey, man, if you’re offering I’m taking, I’m all about it. I want to know, so I did it. We all know colonoscopy, the prep all this is fun. But if you can have some relief, I want it relief I want to know is up. And I’m glad I did it. They found two precancerous polyps, which I, which I know can happen. So they remove those and I gotta go back pretty much every year. But after they took those out, I actually felt a lot better. You know? So it shows that even though it wasn’t a major thing, it does happen. And it’s not like a rare thing. I know. It’s pretty common. A lot of people find precancerous polyps. But once they removed those two precancerous polyps, my gut felt better. So it’s just like, you know, if anything, especially the male ego can get away with doctors and all these different things and, and our past stories like, this is part of the life experience. And I think the more we can open up, not necessarily everyone got to go right or both. But like we can just you can just like journal like I offer a free journal because I think writing is very therapeutic. Like just being honest with your life and not sugarcoating. And just like we all experienced life, we all got our ups and downs, nobody’s living like the Instagram life. That’s perfect. We all got trials, whether we’re rich, or was the report whether in the middle, we’ve all got challenges, and some of our emotions and feelings attached to those challenges might be similar. And by sharing a little bit with even just a journal might feel better, but even just share with a friend or maybe even on social media, you might help one person I think we need to get past the point of like being vulnerable. And know that vulnerability is a strength and is masculine. And being vulnerable isn’t a weakness and like for especially for things that you have no control, you have no control over what a grown ass man did to you when you were 5678 years old. So just be honest and be okay and move on. And don’t let that person who did that stuff to you have any more control of your life anymore. So yeah,
Ari: wow. Wow. Just remind me once you remind me not to get into a car with you.
Justen: Somebody said I blew past my nine lives. I can’t remember who said that. My mom said it. My wife has said I think somebody read my books like man do you have like, if you’re like a cat, but I think you’ve got I think I think we just I’ve been reading this book called What is it? It’s called Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl and it kind of points out like if you have a purpose in your mind if you’re meant for more and you know that there’s something out there the will to survive. It’s great. This guy went through the concentration camp and his will to survive was greater than anything he put through. Like he went through sports things and I’ve feel I’ve gone through so it’s like, I think that we’ll just survive and being an optimistic realist is has real power in it and just knowing that like we’re meant for more we’re built for more. We’re meant to help people just like this podcast is probably helping so many people. So
Ari: I gotta tell you something It’s really funny that you that you mentioned Viktor Frankl because I interviewed a guy yesterday, who went through the London bombing in July of 2005. Wow. All right. And he also mentioned Viktor Frankl. You know what he had gone through?
is that? No, absolutely, absolutely. It was, it was fascinating. Anyway,
Justen: have you read the book? Have you read the book?
Ari: I have not read his book. I have not read
Justen: it. But yeah, it’s, it’s definitely a deep one. And then again, like with any book, I always tell people don’t treat any book as religion and there might be some meat in there, you don’t have to, you know, take the meat leave the bones is kind of what I say. I’m not saying it’s that fair. But it might be for some people, like, there might be some, like, things that you may not agree with in there. And, but I think in the overall conferencing message that like, you know, you know, we’re here to help people and, and, and, you know, there are driving purposes survive, we can do a lot of great things. And, and that’s kind of it, like, it’s awesome on this planet. And I get breath in my lungs, like, you know, when I have good and bad days, but I just want to, like make the most of it and keep trucking on and just learn and grow from the challenges that are presented before me.
Ari: Absolutely. Let me ask you this, did you ever get to a point that you got so low in your life that you said to yourself, you know, I quit, I can’t do this anymore? I’ve given up on my dreams? I don’t care if you know, I’m gonna get a quality a little ball and die. I don’t, you know, you must have that must of course, at some point in time? And if so, let me finish if so, how did you climb out of it? How do you make that comeback, because obviously, you made that comeback.
Justen: mean, I went through like, and I talked about this a little bit in my book, I did go through though about bouts of like depression, and I contemplated and even poorly, poorly attempted suicide a couple of times. And, and this was in my teenage high school years. And, and again, this is me, so don’t no one, like, you know, don’t take this personal thing. But I kind of looked at, like, that was an easy route. And and, and that was giving up and, and I couldn’t do that, you know, and, and I looked at like, you know, even though this is easy for me, I really had this belief that it was going to be so much harder for everyone else, you know, even if we go through, like, nobody cares, but I was like, Wait, somebody’s gonna be like, like, and I’m like, oh, no, like farmers like then and it goes back to that, then I let them I let them being whatever it is, right, and you’re hurting me. And then I put it on myself. And so that happened during my teenage years. So I did get some pretty low moments. But, and even when I have some challenges, even in these moments, I always go back to like, I have tools. And now that’s why I always tell people like, don’t just go through life, like you know, like really like, like, have things in place. Because, you know, that’s why I write, it’s so therapeutic just to write down my thoughts. And not sure code them and just kind of get them on paper. There’s a flush there that I talked mentioned, in my bio meditation, I’m big on self care. I think sometimes especially I’m a father of three, especially as parents, especially I see this very common with women. Like they’re doing all these things with their children they needed like their health, the mental health or physical health, all of it. And they say because I’m doing it for them. And then you have the guys that are working 80 hours a week neglecting their health to mental and physical because I’m doing this all to them. But you can’t be the best father, the best husband the best way, unless you’re taking care of yourself. being selfish is selfless to a degree as long as it’s like working out getting eight hours sleep, or as much as you can, you know, you know taking some downtime. And if you can’t find it in your week, at least find a little bit in you know, each day like five minutes of meditation like truly like disconnecting and clearing your mind calming your mind call whatever you will, man, I’ve done five minutes of meditation, and I’ve even tracked it on various like they have all these devices now. It is it’s showing that even science of better recovery than eight hours of sleep if done correctly, because you can really just get out because sometimes we are so stressed that we we go to sleep and don’t really get sleep and we’re having nightmarish dreams and it’s just a vicious cycle or we’re heavily medicated to try to get to sleep to to escape our life. But you know, I think we need to find a better way so yeah, I did dance. Your question is I’ve gotten those I want to say sometimes the devil creeps in I was the first chapter in my book is The Devil doing push ups. That’s the name of the chapter and what that means is essentially like he’s always going to be there he’s always going to creep and so like again, it goes back to like, you know, be okay with your feelings and emotion. I’m not trying to say never be mad, never be upset, never be angry, never be emotional. Just be have the self awareness to address it and not hang out there too long and realize why You might be having those feelings and just be okay with it. But just know that other people are counting on you, you know, and you don’t always have to be 100%. But if you can be the best version of yourself that day or that moment, whether it be through your cell for your kids, for your wife, or whatever it might look like, then just be that person, there is no, you can’t be 100% every day, and be okay with that. But like just, it’s good to have tools, it’s good to it’s good to have control in your life and areas, when life can be so out of control. That’s why I do a morning routine and night routine, I scheduled these things. So when you do that, like okay, this is my standard, these things are going to happen. Even if there’s all these storms and chaos in the middle, at least I got these things, and I can find comfort in these things. Does that make sense?
Ari: Absolutely. Absolutely. That’s why That’s why I call this podcast whispers and bricks, because the bricks of the all the things that get thrown at you that you know, yeah, exactly. But all those other things that are those are the whispers that are talking to you that are helping you to avoid the bricks or to you know, deal with the bricks, etc. Let me ask you this, before we go, who’s the one person that you would point to that, that you would say had the most influence in your life? And why?
Justen: Man, the one person that had the most influence? You know, I’ve been asked this before, and I’ve always thought about trying to give a different answer.
Ari: But don’t give an answer give us a real answer.
Justen: But the real answer is, is honestly like, I wasn’t always a believer in a higher power of faith. But I honestly look to Jesus. And whether you’re religious or not, I look to Jesus and, and not to sound cliche or anything. For those that know I went through a period of not believing and even atheism. It was me on my own on myself that found it. And when I just looked at that guy, just because like this guy, like in a short period of time made such a massive impact. And he knew the benefits of you know, he could he could go into a crowd, but he could also when he could step away, he could work one on one, but he could also climb mountains, he was very physically strong to be able to climb Mount, we’re talking like Adirondack like cliffs in sandals in a row to go be by himself. He saw the value and personal element. You know, he saw the value of like meditation and prayer. And so like, for me, I just, you know, he could love people like that did some of the worst things and I can’t even buy that stuff done. So like, like, I look at that like, and I ended my book, I’d like to add just, you know, all the people that have created or all the people that may have challenged me or maybe weren’t ideal, like I realized, like all these challenges, I would never take back anything. I would never change anything that happened in my life. I am grateful for my life experiences, because it’s made me the father. It’s made me the husband, it’s made me the business owner. So, you know, I realized, well, it’s hard to stomach sometimes I don’t want a perfect life. And I got a quote on this wall. It says do not pray for an easy life pray for the strength to endure a difficult one. Because that that’s it, you know that wow,
Ari: that’s the key. Well, I was going to ask you for words of advice or words of wisdom, but you just laid it out right there. Right there. Would you can you can you repeat what that what that thing what you just said, please
Justen: do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure a difference.
Do not pray for an easy life. Pray for the strength to endure. That’s that life is hard. Like brilliant, brilliant, brilliant ring.
Ari: Wow.
So Justin, before we go, if people want to get a hold of you, what will be the best way of doing that? Whether they just want to talk or they have issues or they’re looking for coaching or whatever it is, whatever. What’s the best way to get a hold of you? You have a website? Yeah, email. What is it?
Justen: Yeah, I’ll give you an all D so you can go to my website. And there you can actually find information on my blog, purpose and pain. My personal website is Justin arnall.com. And if you’re listening this podcast is https://justenarnold.com/
Pretty simple. You can also check on my gym website, which is www.Flexxmp.com And then my email address is like you know, I’m always looking for people to be more be better be the greatest version themselves. and then I’m on social media, from LinkedIn to Facebook and Instagram. I’m all over the place. And if you want to see some of my drumming, I throw some of that up on this whole tick tock. I’m not a big, big thing on tick tock, but I’m on there as well. So
Ari: great. Thanks so much, Justin. Thank you, Justin. I want to thank you so much for sharing your story with me and my audience. Really good luck going forward. I know you’re doing some great things. I know that you’re helping people and You know, with this podcast, you’re going to be helping a whole lot more people. It’s just what you’re doing is great. You know, again, I don’t know if I would have your strength, right giving, given everything that you’ve gone through. I don’t know if I’d be able to do that. So my hat’s off to you continue doing what you’re doing. All right. I’m, I’m proud to call you my friend. And, you know, just just keep on keepin on. All right.
Justen: Appreciate it. I appreciate it very much. Thank you so much for having me on here, man. It’s been a real blast. And yeah, hopefully people find comfort in this and you said, you don’t think you could? I think anything’s possible. Again, I find comfort in a higher power. Because like, it’s easy to just I got a chatroom says Let go Let God because like, I will take care what I can you can take care of the rest. And again, whether you believe it or not, there’s comfort in that. So maybe just give it a try. See if it helps.
Ari: There you go. There you go. Thanks so much. You’ve been listening to whispers in Brixton. I’m your host Ari Schonbrun. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers and bricks Coaching Academy and until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never, ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.
80. Mishka Sibert The Amazing World of Autism
