Paula Vail The Path to Happiness

Summary:

Paula shares her story from being born premature, to owning a restaurant as a single mother to being an author and reiki healer. She reminds us that we all go through up and downs but it is all part of the journey. It is good to pursue our goals but to remain open to the opportunities that come our way. That we should be grateful for every day. It is a reminder we all need from time to time.

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to whispers and bricks. My name is Avi show and I’m your host with me today on today’s episode is Paul avail. Paul Paula is the owner slash founder of wellness inspired and wellness inspired publishing. She’s the TV slash radio host of the show, elevating your life with Paul availe. She is also the author of the book, Why am I so happy, which was awarded the Bronze medal in self help books by global Book Awards. She co authored the book America’s leading ladies who positively impact our world, along with Oprah Winfrey and others. She’s an inspirational speaker and prior restaurant owner Paul is a Reiki Master slash teacher in Usui Reiki, Paul has a sincere passion to serve, inspire and support others. She was featured in New York City Times Square by the Continental who’s who organization as a pinnacle professional, and has been featured in and on the cover of multiple magazines. These include recently, Publishers Weekly, speak magazine, and two times in the Women of Distinction magazine for her achievements in business in life. Most recently, she was a watered empowered woman of 2019 and top female professional of 2018 by the International Association of top professionals. Please help me welcome Paula. Val. Paula, how are you?

 

Paula: Fine. Yeah. So happy and honored to be here with you today. Oh, my gosh.

 

Ari: Well, thank you. It’s my pleasure. I’m honored that you agreed to come on my show. I really appreciate it. We’re gonna have a lot of fun, we’re gonna do some schmoozing together, we’re gonna hear about your life, you’re going to have some I’m sure inspiration for my audience. And it’s going to be a great, great show. Okay, so let’s let’s dive right in. Okay. Now, after reading your bio, and speaking with you prior to the show, I learned that you have certainly done a lot in your lifetime. Now, as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks. The Whispers are those voices telling us what the right thing to do is, and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be real, everybody gets hit with a brick in their lifetime at some point in time or another sometimes several bricks, sometimes bigger bricks, sometimes smaller bricks, but we all get hit with them. And we also have to listen to the whispers learn how to listen to the whispers, which help us avoid the bricks or come to us as an Well, we all know that life is not a straight line. There are many ups and downs many bumps in the roads. And what might seem like a perfect life most often is not. Now you came into this world with a brick right off the bat. You were born premature. Tell us a little bit about that.

 

Paula: Yes, I was premature eight weeks. I was less than three pounds. My parents were told that they should not expect me to survive the night. They brought in a priest gave me my maths right?

 

Ari: Oh my god.

 

Paula: Yes. And my dear father, this was in Grays Harbor County in Washington State. He said I will not accept that. Put her in an ambulance and take her to Seattle to the Children’s Hospital. And so they did. And they kind of figured out what was going on. I was actually when they tried to feed me I was drowning. Oh MA and it was something was going on. The fluid was going into my lungs. And they operated on me and I think at six months old I weighed seven pounds or something. But anyway, I survived and that put something in me that’s been with me my whole life is I’m grateful for every day. I was meant to be here and I’m going to be grateful for that and be a positive energy in the world really did something to me.

 

Ari: Absolutely. You know, you know what they say every day. above grounds of good day. Yes. Okay. So we got through that, thank God. All right, but then we get to school, right? What happens in school?

 

Paula: I was, I was shy, I was very thin, shy. And in junior high high, I was bullied quite a bit. And bullied in school one year, I didn’t even take my coat off. I wouldn’t even take my coat off. Because I was made fun of notes were put on my back, things like that. And dear uncle, dear aunt and uncle who I spend every summer and holiday with he, he helped me through that, and he made me realize that’s, that’s everyone else. And I made the decision one day, I said, love me or don’t, I’m just going to be me. And that really set me free. Wow. And really helped me with that. And it’s really funny, because my whole life I always kind of wondered, why was I picked on though, what did I do wrong? And it was just a few years ago at a high school reunion. A gentleman came up to me and said, Paul, I just want to apologize that I I picked on you in school. And I asked a question, I’d always wanted to know his his why? He said, Because you were really shy and nice. And it was easy. Give me my answer. It wasn’t the unique who I am my you know, it was I was the character type that was easy for them. Yeah, pretty interesting, isn’t it?

 

Ari: Wow. Absolutely. Absolutely. So you had that little bricks thrown? You got through it. You picked yourself up by the bootstraps. And what do you do you go on to college? Right? You graduate from college? And then instead of becoming an accountant, like you thought you were going to do something else happened? What was that?

 

Paula: Yes, I worked in restaurants during college, and I started working at Lorenzo’s in Tacoma. When I was finishing up school, and I had it all planned, I was gonna be an accountant, I was gonna have a sign on my porch. It was all planned. But I fell in love with the restaurant business, I fell in love with service. And with that I worked there I was there. 27 years I became the manager. I bought it and we’re I’m going to have to share the story how that happened. But all that it just, it really showed me that you can have a set plan, but discover something else and find a passion you didn’t even know you had. It’s It was amazing.

 

ari:Absolutely. You know, it’s it’s kind of like my speaking business that grew out of 911. It’s something that I should have really had, I realized that early on my whole life would have been different. Because I found out that I had a natural talent for public speaking. And I said, Man, I wasted like 35 years, because I never knew this. And if I would have known this 35 years ago would have been a completely different ballgame. But so I get what you’re saying that, you know, sometimes the best laid plans, and all of a sudden, something else happens and you go like, wow, I didn’t know I could do this. So tell us more. Tell us more about the restaurant. How did you come to own it?

 

Paula: Oh, it was amazing. But I do I do want to mention real quick. I adore your book. It’s life changing. I read it in one night. I’m giving copies for Christmas presents. And I want to thank you for that. But yes, I worked through the restaurant. And I loved my customers. I loved working with the employees we had so you know worked hard, but had fun. And it was hard as a mother working that many hours. But occasionally I could bring the kids with me. We had an apartment upstairs. They could have room service. When they got older. They worked with me. But my whole future was Sunday. I’ll own the restaurant the owner and said I can buy it when we retired. And that will that’s what I’m working for. And the kids worked with me. And then I went through another brick. My husband life was great. He loved his job. I was loving running the restaurant, being a girl scout mom and all that and we just bought property built a house and And he had Crohn’s he had had Crohn’s since he was about 19. Well, it acted up. And he had a couple surgeries that took out big pieces of his intestine. And it was very painful. He got addicted to the pain pills, became a different person, added alcohol, and killed himself at 34 Oh, my God was a mother, single mom running a restaurant. And, you know, that was really a chain. It was like, and I went, you know, do I be angry at the rest of my life? Or do I be grateful I had them, you know, I had to make a decision. But those are bricks get thrown at us, you know, and we really do have to go a different direction. So I continued to run the restaurant and was going, the owner was getting ready to retire. He had said, This is what you need for a down payment, not carry the contract. I had saved and saved and saved. And my father helped me some and I and I had what he needed. And I come into the restaurant one day, and there’s a few, a couple gentlemen sitting with them. And he comes to me and he says, I’ve decided I may sell to someone else unless you give me another $100,000 down. Well, oh, I was working minimum wage raising kids. And that was like a million dollars to me. And I didn’t even have a credit card. I had always paid everything. I wrote a check or paid cash. I went to the bank and asked for the loan and they pretty much laughed me out the door and said you want to buy a restaurant little girl. I was heartbroke all those years all. And I just, you know, I sat down and just went It’s just what’s meant to be It’s just what’s meant to be. I just I was heartbroke

 

Ari: How old were you at the time? How old? Were you?

 

Paula: In my 30s in my 30s? Okay, yeah, I’d say mid 30s Maybe. And I went to work the next day. And I had so many regular customers. I just adored them all. And we had fun. This one couple that came in a lot. Now he’s they had their favorite booth. And I talked to them about I’m going to be buying the restaurant. You know, I’m excited and, and he he said, Hey, Paula. So what’s going on with the whole restaurant deal? When’s that going to happen? And I must have got a look on my face. Yeah, Said, Paula. What’s going on? Yeah. And I told them, and a couple days later, knocking at the kitchen door was his accountant, with all the paperwork. And that man co signed a loan for me to buy the restaurant.

 

Ari: No way.

 

Paula: A customer, I was just their favorite waitress, and a year later, I got him off the loan. But I cannot express what that did for my heart. Unbelievable. And I could tell his accountant thought he was crazy. But to have faith in me and to do so. So our big joke after that, to him in his life was I’m gonna name the booth after him. That really showed me. You know, there are just, there are just some amazing, beautiful people out there. I will never forget that day. Oh, no. And that’s how I was able to purchase the restaurant.

 

Ari: Wow. Are they still around? Are they still alive?

 

Paula: Um, no, no. He was a doctor here in our area. And I know he retired and I and I believe he passed like two years ago, right? We’re all nice people here. But never forget it. The things that can you know those whispers and those hugs that can come to us? As well as the bricks. Isn’t it something?

 

Ari: It really is? Now you went through something else? I think when you were younger. I think you’re about 17 years old. You got real angry with God. How come?

 

Paula: The dear my dear aunt and uncle. My uncle Ernie and I still have their property in Centralia, Washington where, you know, I spent most of my life and I’m creating a nonprofit Animal Rescue there. But he he just was so dear to me. And he had worked 716 A week his whole life. He was a butcher. I just adored him and my aunt and all these things he was gonna do when he retired six months before retirement, a brain tumor and he passed away. Oh, I was so angry at God for for doing that I’d never I did. I almost committed suicide I almost drove off the road. But you know, it just, it taught me plan on the future. Be responsible and think ahead. But appreciate every day, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. That was a huge lesson that I learned at 17. Wow.

 

Ari: Wow. So, um, after your husband died, you ultimately you did remarry? Did you not? Yes. And then what happened with the restaurant?

 

Paula Um, after we remarried, I ran up for a few more years and then had someone interested in buying it and I made the decision to sell it and I did but it was like cutting my arm off and there’s days I still mess it. You know, just not be working as much. Yeah. And of course, I met all my husbands in my restaurant. I never went anywhere else.

 

Ari: I don’t think I asked you. Do you have any children?

 

Paula: Yes, I have three children, and three grandchildren and Hello. to two of them. I get I get to do grammie duty one day a week and this month. I’m having them a little more but yeah, i i Oh, I’m to me being a parent is the best thing in my life. To me. It’s the most precious and being a grandparent is so precious. When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be a mom. I was gonna be Mrs. Walton. I couldn’t. Yeah, well, I family’s everything. Wow.

 

Ari: Well, you know what? You know what I figured out? You know, grandkids are a parent’s revenge on their children. Oh, yeah, I have. I have. I have seven. I have seven grandchildren. And they’re they’re so precious. They really are. But the best thing is you play with them and then you give them back at the end of the day and you go home.

 

Paula: Yep. I just had my six and nine year old yesterday and we went to Target to buy some Christmas presents for Papa and mommy and daddy. And it was we’re not buying anything for you today. This is for Christmas. And they did they didn’t really go and even look at the toys. Yeah. Oh, we had fun.

 

Now you became a Reiki practitioner. With all due respect. I don’t even know what that

 

1. Oh my gosh. Well, I’d love to send you some I would.

 

Ari: What is a rain? What is Reiki?

 

Paula: And its life. You know, we are lifeforce energy. Our luminous energy field tells our DNA what to do. That’s how powerful it is. Okay. And I learned Reiki 14 years ago for love of a pet the pictures behind me, my white German Shepherd Shotzi. She was ill she had a tumor removed. She was 14. And I learned Reiki and the Reiki helped her so much. I had her two more years, but that’s why I learned it. But it’s actually you just connect with. I also call a prayer modality with source energetically you connect and energy comes through you to let’s say the client or the pat or the situation and it gives positive energy it boosts the immune system. It relieves pain. I have seen so much over the years. Several years ago, a colleague in Oregon won an award for an article they did on Reiki, you know, there was a lot of scientific studies and it shows people given Reiki and boosting their immune system. It’s It’s huge, so it helps with pain. I I’ve had So many different clients over the years and what I’ve seen, but it, it helps with pain. It helps with emotions with trauma, it actually an easy way to describe it is positive energies coming in releasing negative energies, blockages and releasing Nat, which helps the body to itself heal. I just and you can do this long distance as well it’d be goes goes beyond time and space. I mean, you can send I just a friend in New Jersey just had knee surgery, and his left knee is is in so much pain and he asked me to send them right he saw I have a few times now and he just messaged me back yesterday. How much better is nice feeling? I mean, it’s, it’s, it’s really amazing. But a lot of people think well, it’s just you know, pretty woowoo. But really, it’s very, it’s very scientifically based as well. It’s got a lot behind it. I hear so it’s really fascinating. So I’ve really specially in the early years, I did a lot of research and studied it. But then you know how it makes you feel it raises the energy in the room. And yeah, it’s really amazing. Wow.

 

Ari: So like what are you doing now? I mean, is this is this like a this Reiki? Is this like a full time thing? Are you doing other things you writing your? What are you doing with yourself these days? How do you How are you keeping busy?

 

Paula: Yeah, well, gosh, yeah. I’m doing my shows my elevating your life show.

 

That’s what kind of shows that do. What kind of

 

show podcast and it’s also on radio.

 

Ari: Oh, you have a podcast? Gee, I wonder who else has a podcast?

 

Paula: Yeah, you’re gonna be on it. I love it. We’re gonna share each other. And so I’m doing my show, I teach Reiki I do see Reiki clients. And then I have my Grammy time, grandkids. And I did just this year, co author Reiki training manual level, wanting to be beyond wellness, Reiki training. And then I may work on another book next year. But right now I’m just kind of focused on the Reiki and family and that type of things. Right?

 

Ari: So you said okay, so you just you just said you might work on another book. That means to me that you’ve already written a book?

 

Paula Well, I’m I’m working on it.

 

Yeah. No, but you but you’ve written the first book.

 

Yes, yes. Oh, why am I happy? This is the one that just got the bronze medal by the global ASO sociation, which just blew me away. And the reason I titled this, why am I so happy? Because I would get asked that working at the restaurant. Well, what are you so happy about? Your life must be perfect. No, it’s not perfect. But it’s where the direction I choose to take my thoughts. You know, be angry about this or be grateful about that. And I always had fun at the restaurant. If someone came in and they weren’t in a good mood. I could tell they were I didn’t get irritated. It was a challenge for me to put a smile on their face. How

 

Ari: I hear you. I hear you. I will tell you, I’ll tell you real quick. I feel the same way. I like to make people smile like to make people laugh. There was one morning when I was you know, you’ll as you know, I worked in the World Trade Center. And I got to the I got to the World Trade Center one morning. And there were these express elevators that went from the lobby up to 78 to the 78th floor. And these were they were massive elevators, huge huge elevators, and an elevator came down and there were a whole bunch of people there and everybody walked in. And what do you normally do when you walk into an elevator? What are most people do? They walk into the elevator and then they turn around to face the door? Right? That’s what most people do. So I let all these people go in ahead of me. All right, and then I walked in I was last one and right behind me the doors closed. But instead of turning around to face the door, I was facing all these people. And as soon as the doors closed, I said you’re probably wondering why I call this meeting that, that was the exact response that I got people just cracked up and you know what they had, at least the start of their day was really, really good. You know, because they started it with a smile. Yeah, so I hear you, I like to make people laugh. I like to make people smile. Okay, so um, so before we go, any any words of wisdom that you have that you’d like to share with my audience?

 

Paula: What I would say and this is something I say to my my Reiki students, we have, we have to two different avenues here we have in one hand, we have, what we’re striving for, what our goals are, and all the things we’re working for. And those are wonderful. And those are something to pursue. But let’s also remember to have the other hand just wide open to what may manifest what may come to us what connections we might make an open up. So basically, what I say is, have your goals and what you’re working for and what you’re doing. But also keep the door wide open to what you may not realize could be a passion for you one day, because so much is out there. And you know, every day is a new opportunity. And tomorrow, I and I have to say I adore your daily quotes that come in emails, I’m like, yes, yes. Thank you. Every day is a new beginning. And things you’re welcome can come that we did not even imagine. So stay open to those and those messages as you progress and work on what your your goals and your passions are, you know, it’s we got the left hand and the right hand. It’s like two different concepts. And, you know, just walk with both hands open. So that’s what I would say.

 

Ari: Thank you so much. Those definitely words of wisdom. It’s like, you know, you got to keep the balance. So, Paula, yes. Thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. Good luck going forward. Enjoy the grandkids. Enjoy life. You’ve been listening to us busy bricks, and I’m your host, Gary shoma. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time in your career, your business or your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com and check out my whispers and bricks Academy. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

  

  

Jan Cavelle Only You Can Build The Life You Want

Summary:

Jan shares her inspiring story of being a single mom who took her small sales business from nothing to a million-pound business. She describes how she did it, the pitfalls she went through even after her business was a success, and what helped her get through. Along the way, she was able to pursue her childhood dream of being a writer. She reminds us that even if things are tough at first it’s always worth it to pursue your dreams and build the life you want.

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to his prison bricks. My name is Avi showing I’m your host I have with me today Jan Cavell very, very interesting woman. As a teenager, Jan Cavell went to a very posh UK boarding school, which groomed young ladies for marriage. Well failing to be groomed. Jan progressed to London and became a suitable secretary, which lasted about a week. With a keen desire to be independent. Jan started working her way through a succession of jobs finding secretarial work a nightmare and sales easy. She hated being employed and at the mercy of the decisions and expectations of others. So initiate a series of hustles from selling to catering. She travelled around Europe and had a miserable job as a cook, but also found some excitement and taken an old ferry boat for a test sale to see if she was see whether she wasn’t. A marriage left Jen with two small kids to support and very little experience to do so. Refusing to go out to work and leave them she started a small business telephone selling bits and pieces to interior designers operating from a shelf under the stairs of a tiny cottage. After a lot of mistakes and crazy Gamble’s it succeeded and became a multi million pound business. The designers wanted furniture but as Jan was no furniture designer, she put her sales hat on, looked what sold and developed her current ranges earning herself the honorable title of quote unquote designer. Despite awards and exciting experiences, Jen still struggle with insecurity and imposter syndrome. Once her son had left for Australia, she struggled to scale the business not having the same motivation she had with small kids to support and after several years and progressively worse health, decided to break it up and sell the only bit worth having, which was the brand. It took Jan quite a little while to crawl back out of our hole after that, but she decided she wasn’t beaten. She had always wanted to write since she was small. Jan’s first book scale for success, expert insights into growing your business is due to be released this year after winning a contract with Bloomsbury publishing. So it’s full circle, Jan’s childhood dream out of the ashes. Please help me welcome Jan Cavell. My pleasure, thank you, Jan, how are you?

 

Jan: I’m good. Thank you very much. Yes. Glad winter.

 

Ari: Coping with winter. Yes, I hear you. You’re in the UK Correct?

 

Jan: I am. Yes. And we’ve suddenly got very cold and stormy and horrible.

 

Ari: I remember. I was in I was in the UK. I was on a speaking tour in the UK and I was on my way back to New York. I get to Heathrow Airport, and it started to snow. Okay. And it snowed probably a half an inch. The entire airport shut down. No flights going, no flights coming in. I couldn’t believe this. All right, I come from New York. You know, we get three feet of snow. Two hours later, the airport’s open, you know, and here they had a half an inch of snow in the entire airport. But then, in the meantime, I didn’t have a hotel anymore. All right. I literally slept in the airport, waiting for the next morning. British Airways was not flying. So I actually ran over the other day had paper tickets back then. I ran to I had to go to another terminal. I ran to American Airlines terminal, showed my ticket and ask if I can get back to New York. And they said sure, we’ll honor it. And they put me back on a plane to New York. Unbelievable. Quite

 

Jan: right. I mean, it’s not all of UK In fairness, Scotland copes with snow perfectly well. But you know, for UK it’s it is you say one flake and everything sharp. Yeah.

 

Ari: Wow. Yes. Okay, so enough about me. Now, as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers in bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us what the right thing to do is and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. Now, there are several reasons why I asked you to be my guest on the show. After our initial conversation, I knew that there were people in my audience will go through some of the same things that you had gone through. They been hit with brick after brick much like you and they needed to hear and to know that they could get through the trials and tribulations the same way that you did. They need to know that there were whispers out there that could save them. Now your life is not typical by any stretch of the imagination. You’ve had many bricks thrown at you, as we heard from your bio posh boarding school didn’t work out for you, you got a job as a secretary, less than a week, amongst many other things that you went through. But I would say that the first major break that you have been hit with was marrying the wrong person and getting divorced while caring for two small children. Can you take us back to that time? And tell us what that what was going on then?

 

Jan: Sure. I mean, I think it was a lot to do with the conditioning from a post boarding school because of course, all my contemporaries married terribly well groomed, Mr. rights. And because I haven’t really finished in all three, well, I, you know, I didn’t really know many of them or anything else. So I didn’t marry somebody who, you know, was able to provide or anything useful in the first place. And we struggled. Actually, we lost our first child, which is a hard thing, I think, for any marriage to get through, as well, which I don’t actually normally talk about. So. So it’s an extra one. But, you know, that made things hard. We went on to have two more children. But it was tough. And I think we’ve got my two young as well. I mean, he was only slightly younger than me, I think I was 23. And he was just 21. So you know, again, that’s a lot of traps, so many people young love fall into, and it’s all going to be wonderful and of course doesn’t change.

 

Ari: 

Right? I hear you. Okay, so now you’re at the point where you have two small kids, you have to support yourself, you have to support your kids. How did you manage? What what did you do?

 

Jan: Well, first thing I did, which I was very lucky about, because they were much more flexible in those days. But as I went along to the income support people, what people have income support over here. So Social Security, income support, okay? Yeah, it’s a branch for Social Security’s social social support life. Okay. Government support anyway. And I went, look, you know, that’s my bank balances, it’s not a pretty picture. You know, I’ve got these two kids, and I could stay here, you know, on on your books to be supported forever. You know, but alternatively, I don’t want to do that, that’s not good for you. How about giving me a bit of support while I get a business together and get myself going? And so on whether they’d be allowed to know, but I was lucky, I hit somebody with a bit of nice. And they said, Yes, okay, we’ll go along with that theory. You know, we’ll give it a try and see how it goes. So I got a bit of support a tiny bit of support every week, from the government. And that was enough to get some better food and keep going. And also, it bought me I was determined, as you say, to start selling things. And so every Friday, when I cashed this charge, I would buy a trade directory or a yellow pages, phone directory, and get leads, and then I would jump on the phone and sell it sell to my new lot of people in North London, or whichever book I got.

 

Ari: What What year was this?

 

Jan: That’s a good question. I would have been, that would have been in sort of middle of the 80’s.

 

Middle, the 80s. Okay, now I’m trying to I’m trying to, you know, place it so that we, we understand, you know, what, you know, we can better understand what you were going through, like in other words, you didn’t have Google and you didn’t have

 

I didn’t have a computer, it was actually it was would have been painful. Very entropy agents can manage my children. But now I literally had a fax phone and account index box and the slowly growing pile of trade directories.

 

Ari: Right. Okay. Go on.

 

Jan: So yeah, I mean, it was all about telephone selling, which is your right to sell had had sales experience, because sales is always one of those jobs that if you’re prepared to work on commission, or just turn the hand for a few weeks, you can usually get experience. So I had managed to choke up quite a lot of sales experience. And I was very, very determined. I didn’t want to go out to work. I didn’t want to put children in the hands of somebody else, you know, child post or split up never very happy children. And, you know, it was desperately important for me if I stayed at home and could spend time with them. They were only three and eight, maybe three or three and so, so very young still. You know, so so it’s really important. I was around to me, and that meant making this thing work, but it was a touch and go for a long time. It really was.

 

Ari: How did your kids fare in school? Were they okay? The good students?

 

Jan: They got they got College to some extent, you know, when I was living out in the country, it was very archaic, really in its views, and I remember going to see one of the head mistresses and saying, you know, look, this is really on, you know, I don’t I’m not very happy about this. But she suggests she said, you know, well, I’ve spoken to feel the muscles and said, you know, for sure, a single mother, and you’ve got to understand we’ve never had one of those before.

 

Ari: Like, like, they just dropped you out of Mars or something? We Yeah.

 

Wow. I know. So, you know, I don’t think that’s necessarily helped for children very much.

 

But the kids managed, okay.

 

Jan: They’ve grown up smashing. You know, they’ve had a few difficult years, to put it mildly, both in different ways. But yeah, Jane, great. Banks got their own lives and you know, doing incredibly well, that those marriage and happy everything one would want once. Well, that’s great.

 

Ari: I’m just curious, you said, obviously, you’ve you’ve gone through some serious situations here. And you said, you managed to build this business to a multi million pound business. I mean, that is very, very impressive. But it’s like, what, what was the business? Was it just selling odds and ends? Was it? Was it? I mean, I don’t know I can.

 

Jan: I don’t blame you? I didn’t know much either. Yeah, it started it really. I thought, you know, my background in sales told me that repeat orders for kind of be a good idea. So some sort of service to on a PHP basis was going to be the way forward. I lived living in the country, we had a lot of costume. So you know, I thought, right, okay, be a middleman between people who make things and designers and famous want stuff made. And you know, I’ll want people to make it. Which was was fine. For a while, it took a little bit of packaging, because of course, when you’re doing sales, it’s one thing to sell this fantastic product, which has so many benefits. But do you want anything? It’s a far harder concept to to package. But But gradually, yeah, got going. And so much so that it’s very, very, very slowly because of limited funds and limited ability. I built it so that the actual manufacturing side came in as well. We started finishing bits and pieces ourselves in a tiny farm building. And then a few years later, when an opportunity arose, because the guy who in the business that I was buying most furniture from at that stage decided to shut up shop overnight. I struck a deal to buy him out, which was I have to say more out of panic. I had thank you so much. It was something I’d like to do one day, but it was really you know what I mean? I’m not going to have any furniture Monday morning. I can’t, I can’t I couldn’t have furniture Monday morning. So so we struck a deal within an hour. You know, off I went. And so I had these two tiny farm buildings with small amounts of people working in them. And quotes from that, because you know, all of a sudden, you were responsible for people and had to do that side of things seriously, as well as your own children.

 

Ari: Wow. Wow, that’s amazing. Let me ask you this. Did you ever get to a point so low in your life, when you said to this, you know, I can’t do this anymore? It’s too hard. I’m just gonna give up on my dreams. You know, I’m done. Right? Did you ever get to that point? And if you did, how did you overcome? How did you come out of that?

 

Jan: It’s interesting, isn’t it? Because I think it’s the very entrepreneurial thing that when things are tough, we are perhaps so stop. Wage put it, but so determined, we keep going. And then when you get to a goal or a pinnacle, you lose it because you haven’t got that challenge. You haven’t got the adrenaline to keep going and it becomes what am I doing? Who am I you know, what’s going on here? So it’s always I find it harder. You know, once the kids were okay, and the business was up and running, then suddenly I thought, you know, what am I doing? And it’s partly exhaustion. I think too, you just get so burnt out by that sort of pressure. It doesn’t feel like it at the time. But you do it takes its toll. So we’re a couple of times I think in the middle when I just needed a rest you know, I do bring up two kids on their own is is fairly challenging and growing a business to whatever we had about 40 people at the time. It’s not a challenge. So I was I was born and then later on again when I lost my way as as you were describing when the kids left home, that was tough. You wondered what the point was, you know, everything I’d done every motivation I’d had was was focused on keeping going for them. And you know, so they’ve gone now what is it worth keeping going for? Yeah, tough.

 

Ari: Huh? Wow. Well, so what helped you turn it around? Like what? Let me ask you this. What are you doing now?

 

Jan: Watching? Oh, yeah, I mean, I think that that was one of the things that kept me going. I’d started to write articles during the last few years when I was in business and loved it, as you rightly said, I wanted to do a child. And it became my stress reliever to write articles for this magazine. And when I stopped and retardance pull the covers over my head, thought, you know, I’ve had an awful fall with it took me about a week and I thought, What am I writing? You know, so I wrote to my editor, and I said, I’m going to do this anymore. I can’t write, he wrote back, and he said, Why exactly, it looks bright. So I thought, oh, maybe it’s got a point, I really didn’t see it. I just thought, you know, my usefulness is over. But but with his encouragement, he got me writing more articles, and then becomes a thing, actually, you know, I’ve got 20 odd years of experience lots of mistakes, but you know, also work some things along the way, I learned a lot from other people, maybe actually, I can be of some use. And I got involved with a lot of campaigns along the way to encourage entrepreneurship. I was very honored to be picked as one of the first 50 women to represent the UK Government in me, you when we were in the EU, of course, that you know, to promote entrepreneurship, which was amazing, and to liaise with other countries to score as business groups in, etc, etc. And I’d become this big champion of entrepreneurship, because I’m a real believer in it. And so, you know, again, I thought that’s actually, you know, put that passion together with my writing, I could still be a useful individual.

 

Ari: It’s it first of all, it sounds very exciting, you know, to be one of 50, you know, to represent the UK that said, to me, sounds, you know, dealing with, you know, other countries other people’s I mean, that must have been very, very exciting. It must have been, it must have been, must have been, like, invigorating.

 

Jan: It was, it was an extraordinary experience, you know, I got to go to the European Parliament is solid, you just wouldn’t get to go to otherwise. And, you know, this was me from, you know, my cell phone to the stairs. You know, it was bizarre. Oh, my. But on our end, and yeah, and I learned some, you know, there were a few businesses that got set up later on, while from another campaign, we ran locally, and, you know, yeah, okay. This is something good and productive.

 

Ari: If let me ask you this. Who would you say? What person in your life would you say had the most influence on your life? And why?

 

Jan: You know, I have tried to come up with the sort of answer that you might expect on this question. And the honest truth is for early American western southmost influence on my life, I was my father was passionate by Western sun. I’m a big fan of John Wayne. Gary’s Jimmy Stewart. Gary Cooper is what I’m trying to say. And all that loss and the whole principle as a child, very influential, very easily influenced as we are as kids, this whole concept of standing up for the little man and standing up for what’s right, you know, and going against the grain, you know, again, going back to me being stubborn, I think, it just really appealed. And, and it’s sort of set in habits of, you know, I want to try and do the right thing and I want to do my own thing in life, you know, so I got addicted to the Oregon Trail and all of that.

 

Ari: The Oregon Trail. That was that was a game wasn’t I was a computer game.

 

Jan: I probably was in the end, this was going back to your original book and then story,

 

but I remember it because when when I was when I was, you know, when I had little kids when my kids were little. So there was this game. It was a computer game. One of the early computing is called the Oregon trails. And it was you had to it took you from the East Coast to the West Coast. And you know, you had to survive and you know, you have to kill your own meat. Do you know Berra it’s just very exciting. And it was an interesting game of you know, was teaching survival, you know? You know how to survive in the, in the West and it was just it was it was an interesting game. That’s. So that’s what so that’s what had the influence on you. That’s great. Okay, you know, we’ll have to write to John Wayne’s heirs and tell him that, you know, you know what your father did?

 

Well, yeah, I think there’s more to films than him in person. But But yeah, that whole concept of the pioneers, you know, it’s such an amazing victory of for mankind that they could push forward and win against the odds. It’s, it’s incredibly It’s brave.

 

Ari: Absolutely. Absolutely. So let me ask you this. Is there anything else that you’d like to share with my audience? Before we go words of advice or words of wisdom?

 

Jan: I think given what you know, we’ve been talking about, I would say, two things really, that you’ve always got choices, if you want something badly enough, you know, I mean, don’t go crazy and chalk up your day job. But I can’t think what I’m talking about there. But, you know, keep on your day job while you can. But follow your dream, too. You can give up a day job. create the life you want. And only you can do that. And you know, if it means bit of a fight, it’s worth doing. You know, life’s too short. Do what you love. Wow.

 

Ari: That’s true. Very, very, very, very, very true words of wisdom, for sure. For sure. Now, if people want to get a hold of you, how can they do that? If you’re looking for you know, do you have a website? Do you have an email address? Yeah, what’s what’s the best way to contact you social media?

 

All of those things I’m prolifically on social media, especially Twitter and LinkedIn, but they can email me directly on Charmat chan comm failed or co.uk. And the same goes for website, which is also junk. files.co.uk. And I’ve heard it from anybody listening.

 

Jan: Okay, great. So let’s just go over that again. Jan Cavalli BJNCAVE double LP right.co.uk www.Jancavell.com.ukThat’s, that’s great. And you’re on social media. Jan Cavell. That’s wonderful. 

 

Ari: Okay. Jan, listen. Thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I’m sure you’ve touched the hearts of many people, my audience are plenty of people going through or or you know, going through what you have already gone through, and they needed to hear that they can get out of it the same way that you get out of it. Good luck going forward. Good luck with your writing. We hope to hear some great things coming from you. And thanks so much you be listening to us. on Brexit. I’m your host Gary Schoenberg. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com and check out my whispers and bricks Academy. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

  Caren Bright You Can Overcome Anything!

Summary:

Caren Bright bravely shares her incredible story. As a child, she suffered from abuse, poverty, and neglect from her mother. Finally, Caren became homeless as a teenager and single mother herself. She describes how she went and climbed out of poverty to start her profit and coaching program to help women achieve their dreams. It is a fantastic story that reminds us that we can overcome any brick thrown at us!

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

Ari: Welcome to Whispers and Bricks. My name is Ari Schonbrun. I’m your host. I have with me today Caren bright. This is a woman who I have been so excited about hosting on my show. She’s got an incredible, incredible story a

little bit about her background. Caren bright is an author, speaker, executive life slash trauma coach and nonprofit consultant, who’s on a mission to empower high performing women in reaching greater levels of performance. After overcoming poverty and past trauma herself. Caren started pamper Lake Highlands, now called Bright Futures for women and children, a highly successful nonprofit that AIDS women and children in breaking the cycle of poverty. It was her work at Bright Futures for women and children, also known as BF for WC, that served as the catalyst for wanting to empower high performing women who have experienced trauma in reaching greater levels of performance. She recognized that the principles she was using in her life and teaching when in poverty could be used by any woman wanting to do more and achieve more, which is when Bright Futures was born. Please help me welcome Caren bright. Caren, how, how are you? Thank you so much for having me on. I’m doing really well. That’s great. You’re looking good, you’re looking to work.

 

So

 

as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers in bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us what the right thing to do is and represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. And let’s be real, everybody has some bricks thrown at them at some point in time or another. Some are bigger bricks, some are smaller bricks, some are more bricks, less bricks, but that’s part of life. And we just have to deal with it. Now the reason I asked you to be on the show as because after I spoke to you, and you told me your story, I knew that there were people in my audience who are going through some of the things same things that you were going through, they had been hit with brick after brick, much like what you have gone through and they needed to hear and to know that they could get through the trials and tribulations, the same way that you did. They needed to know that there were whispers out there that could save them. Now, before we begin, let me ask you this. When you were a little girl, you had hopes and dreams, what were they?

 

Caren: As a little girl, I desired to be a speaker and an author and a missionary that traveled the world. Wow. Okay, we’re gonna put them in the back of our minds, because we’re going to come back to that a little bit later. Because we’re gonna, you know, we’re gonna talk about your life, you had many bricks thrown at you from being fourth generation poverty. You know, it’s so funny to say that because you know, people say, Oh, I’m third generation American. Seventh Generation is so dumb. Nobody ever said to me, Oh, I’m fourth generation poverty. But you’re a brave woman. And you came up and you stood up and you told us you told me what your life was all about. Not my hat’s off to you. My audience is going to love this. But So you went from fourth generation poverty to a mother who was abused to to a mother who was abused and then became abusive. A mother was married and divorced a times you became homeless, you are a single parent, and the list goes on. Now, can you take us back to the early troublesome years? And tell us a little bit about your your early story?

 

Ari: Can we there’s a part in there that I’m not abusive, and I wasn’t married and your mom was? 

 

Caren: Yeah, I’m sorry. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear. No, not you. You weren’t abusive. You had a mother who was abusive. Yes. Who was hurt. You had a mother who was abused and in turn was abusive to you? Yes. Not you know, you. You we love. We love. Okay, so good. So yeah, I again, like you said, fourth generation poverty and my mother had experienced a lot of abuse as a child specifically from her father. And then I think just that abuse kind of distorted her thought process and the way she developed she then had mental illnesses and then raised a bunch of children without the healing.

 

She was constantly seeking right looking for someone to I think, heal her and fix her. So that led to Marriage Divorce.

 

Marriage Divorce because she wasn’t well enough to hold a marriage, right? So she just kept thinking, Oh, it was not that man. He just couldn’t fix me. I need to search for another one. And that led to eight marriages and divorces. Wow. Wow. Okay, so what happened? What’s your story? Okay, so with her illnesses, I was raised in an environment that was very toxic and abusive. And the message was constantly Like, who do you think you are? And my reply was always to be I’m nobody. So that message was, I mean, the language as early as I could talk, I remember repeating back, I’m nobody at such a young age. And my first memory of life was her drowning me in a bathtub, because I overflowed the toilets. And in this way, that she took time to watch the bathtub fill Like, it wasn’t like the bathroom was already filled with water, like she had to take time to turn the water on, let it fill up and then put me in. And I think I could just imagine or can’t imagine the amount of rage that was inside her that it wouldn’t subside over the bathtub filling.

 

Ari: How old were you? I was three. And it’s my first conscious memory in life. Oh, my God. So did she pull you out? Did you come ahead?

 

Caren:Yes, great question. So I just remember feeling and experiencing all of it. I remember gasping for air and then remembering nothing until age five. I hear that I passed out and she had called Social Services on ourselves. And I went into foster care. And then they gave me back to her in about a year that she hadn’t healed her brain. So I was put back into the same environment of broken and abusive woman. And so that just kept happening. And then we were very transient. So she moved 31 times and of course of about 10 years, 31 times 31 times. So she was in poverty. So what she would do is she would get a new apartment, it wasn’t like credit scores like it is now right? You find a place that was renting. She’d move in with the maybe deposit not and then they would take 90 days to evict you when you didn’t pay. So she’d move in and not pay, get evicted. Move to another place. And so we just hopped all over Cleveland, Ohio. 

 

Ari:Yeah. Wow. Wow.

 

All right, what happened next? How long? Yeah, last? 

 

Caren: So I think from moving around so much. I wasn’t really able to gather education. Right. I’d failed first. Kindergarten. I’m sorry. And then I failed my lottery twice. Oh, hold on. Hold on. You failed. Kindergarten. I fail. I Caren. Yeah. How do you fail kindergarten? What you didn’t get it? fingerpainting. You You got an F and fingerpainting.

 

We I just missed so much school, I think and I just I didn’t know the things that you needed to get to first grade. Right? Thank god. Okay. social and emotional development that you need wasn’t there. And so I was, you know, held back then. And then I that I was always playing catch up. I was always behind with failing grades. Because the message was always that I was a failure. Right.

 

And I wanted to do better. I just didn’t know how to make my brain do better. So then I had failed ninth grade twice. And when I dropped out of high school at a sixth grade reading comprehension

 

and was put out of the house and sent into a world with like nothing in my toolbox. Right. I I was told I was not worth anything. I was unlovable, and I was a failure. And those messages was all I had to go out into the world with.

 

Ari So yeah, I found some very last places on that. And you’re so you’re about 17 when this is going on. Mm hmm. Yeah, God 17 You’re you’re you’re thrown out of high school. Alright, sixth grade level reading comprehension. Mom shirt. Mom throws you out of the house.

 

Did you survive? 

 

Caren: Yeah. So I was living couch to couch.

 

 And I ran into some people who said that they could take care of me. And then I was kind of led into trafficking for about a year from 17 to 18.

 

It wasn’t like trafficking with drugs is trafficking with trafficking with like, you know, sometimes some people traffic people, they get them on drugs and they kidnap them for this. It was one of the we’ll take care of you and we have a way out for you and you just come work for us and we will help you so that way you can see

 

survive. And so I think, you know, after being trafficked for about a year, then from 18 to 19, I chose a life of prostitution. Because that was my worth, right? Like I was told as a failure, I had no skills. And so then I, of course, the next course would be like, of course, I stay on this course. And I did that until age 19.

 

But it never sat well, with me, it was so like, horrible. And it was still I was still in poverty, I still never knew where my next meal was coming from, because it take all my money. And as I was just lost in this world of like, I wanted more. But I didn’t have the word self esteem, tools, education, family or support, to be able to get more. But I did have an internal dialogue that said, get out and keep seeking.

 

Ari: And it was at that point in time, so these were the bricks that you are getting hit with all over the place. And then you had that little whisper that said, No, my dreams are to be a speaker to be an author.

 

And it just permeated within you. And then yeah, and what happened next was,

 

Caren: okay, I’m homeless, I don’t have any money, I don’t have any skills. I don’t have a high school diploma, I don’t have a vehicle, I don’t have a house.

 

I don’t have a family. And so I’m just kind of hopping from couch to couch. And in that place, I became like a servant to the people who allow me to stay on their couch, I would cook for them and clean for them and watch their children not in an affluent area, we are all impoverished, like they’re living in their section eight housing and their food stamps. So it’s all just transient in a broken place. And then I find out, I’m pregnant. And so I want so much more. I don’t know how to get it. I remember living in a house with they were

 

addicted to crack, and it was abusive in that house. And I was watching their five children, and the wife stabbed her husband in front of my now little baby who’s 11 months old. I remember saying like, okay, like, I left that life. And I’m in this life of just living in these with these people who are addicted to drugs, because they’ll open their couch, because then they can do their drugs while I watch their kids. So but I had to protect my little one from seeing the things that I saw as I grew up, and that was this abuse and dysfunction. And so I went to a homeless shelter,

 

and lived, you know, in a homeless shelter for a while. And then in my car. And then I got $425 A month and a welfare check. And some food stamps. So I found a house in these Cleveland, that was $425 a month. And so my whole welfare check was there, I don’t have a car, and I have these food stamps. But I still have utilities and diapers and things to pay and need bus passes. So I sell most of the food stamps. So we live off basically ramen noodles, and what’s called Little hugs, they’re those little fake drinks in a barrel.

 

It pay the lights and to have diapers for my child, still just longing for something more, but not knowing how I didn’t have the tools to get more but I kept seeking. I was a master at like government assistance, right? Like, I knew where to go to get shoes for Christmas and coats for the kids. And oftentimes I didn’t have socks, but sometimes you would have socks, presence, feminine hygiene products formula for the kids because I’d also have to sell my WIC in order to pay for diapers, it was just this constant like borrow from this to that. I remember standing outside of the gas station one time

 

there was a homeless man. And there’s me and I have my little boy in tow. And there’s a man coming out of the gas station, I just looked in the payphone, change return to see if there were any quarters and there weren’t. And as I looked up, the homeless man intersects the man that’s coming out. And the man opens his wallet and gives them $3. And I remember being so mad, like I missed the opportunity for $3 because $3 But I would be able to have enough ramen noodles and little hug drinks because about 10 cents apiece to feed my child for a few days. And that’s just kind of how we how we lived skills and I wanted more but they had this government program that said I will train you to be able to work a job as a cashier and customer service. So that was like my first step out. I thought, right but when I got that job, it removed a lot of my benefits. So it was like I was making, you know, $8 an hour, but I was losing the benefits that I received a month and I didn’t have data

 

care like, was always such a struggle like you want out of poverty. But the system is designed for learn helplessness or to keep you in poverty, because it’s designed, I think, from the top up, or from the top down rather from the bottom up, right? Someone who really experienced and understands the struggles of poverty and what it would actually take for a person to get out of it.

 

So what do I do? I run to a man, right? Oh, wait a minute, maybe a man convicts me. But I run to a man with the dialogue of my brokenness. So I only pick broken, right, two broken people broken together. I was used to being abused. Of course, I found an abuser. But he’d watched my kid. And then I had another child with him. And now to to all to get three all together three children all together, but two with him, and then this little boy that I got with him with. And I was like, he didn’t work. But he would stay home and watch my son while I worked. And so then that covered kind of the childcare issue. It was still very dysfunctional, but you kind of do what you have to do to survive. And I just kept seeking, and I took, like, got my GED. And then there was like, Oh, now I can actually, you know, work $8 an hour, learn the customer service job. And then they moved us out to Texas, because there was a job of Marriott. And they said, Hey, he was like getting a door to door salesman job, and I got a job at Marriott. And they said, you can come from Texas from Cleveland. And so that kind of was like the catalyst to the life that I lived. It was getting out of the environment and getting into something new. I moved to this really interesting neighborhood. I have two children at the time that it was all fluence and educated and impoverished. And the kids all went to the same school districts together. And my kids are great. And they liked my kids, their kids like my kids. So then they started inviting us into their home. So I got to see a window of like a life that I hadn’t experienced. They were educated, they were setting goals, they were part of the kids education system. And then they started using their network to connect me to healing. So one person was like, Hey, I have a forensic psychiatrist who would give you free counseling. And then another was like, I know, like, I’m going to pay for you to go to get to college to get more post secondary education training. So all these people began to rally around us and teach me the things that I didn’t know. And then there’s something interesting about a person who’s experienced trauma and poverty. They’re constantly scanning the room. And so what my brain would do was just, like, assess, what are they doing different. And I would just pull in what I observed, oh, they set goals, they didn’t know that they were teaching and goal setting. But I was learning how to set goals and create vision and manage my time well, and how to parent better. And so as I was around them, I gathered all these things that I didn’t have in my toolbox, and began to apply them to my own life and in my own children in my own family.

 

So then I keep going to school keep like growing, I’m getting straight A’s. I remember failing forever. And on my GED, I placed 99 percentile in math and science, and 89 percentile in English and writing. Like it was the first time that I was told I was smart. Like that. I’m told I was smart. When always told I was dumb. I just needed a little bit, just a little bit of fuel to get me to actually step into smartness. I think the beautiful thing with us as people is like, we do not know the power that we have within us to be able to empower other people. These people have no clue the the seeds that they were planting, they were just being kind. They were just opening the door. And they were just sharing love and kindness with us in through that it allowed a place of healing. And so the power of people is just magnificent. Wow. So about when did you finally like get above water? Mm hmm. So after I’d say,

 

you know, eight years of therapy at that time, and all the education and then I’m at a place where I was like, I was working as a waitress and Highland Park. It’s this place in Dallas, and I was making enough money to pay the bills. And I began to have this stirring in me that said, Hey, I had the secrets to break the cycle of poverty. Like I’m still in school. No, I’m seeking my purpose. I’m writing my first book. And I was like, I felt led I feel you know, some people call it the universe. Some people thought I feel it’s God, like I felt led to drive to use my experiences to help empower others. And so I started the nonprofit I just created this org that was like, hey, a big barrier for families and poverty is they don’t have childcare and a big barrier for children is they go in not

 

Ready for Kindergarten. If you’re not ready, then you you’ve entered, not ready and you leave not ready, right. And if we can provide the childcare, and really rally around the mothers and give them the education, the support the counseling, the things that they really need, instead of creating a place of learn helplessness, we can create a place of empowerment. And so all the years of climb out of poverty, it probably took me 15 years to climb out of that cycle of poverty, I and all the years of counseling, I kind of formulated into this recipe for poverty intervention. And so I had started the organization about seven years ago. And it was great, I was providing these great programs to the supportive community and other orgs that I knew they were missing something like, we can give them the content, but they’re missing these really important life skills. And so I created a curriculum that is like, how to vision for your life, how to set goals, how to properly manage your time, how to overcome obstacles, like teaching them the skills, because in poverty, those bricks or in life, those bricks are going to keep getting thrown at you. But if you could look at the brick as not a barrier, but just an obstacle, you can set an actual tangible goal around it. And so I began to teach about what goal setting really was and what it was like to Yeah, you want to be a doctor. And that sounds sweet. But what can you do to get a taste of it, right? Oh, you can get trained, and I’m full of autonomy, right, and then get a little bit of income that got you out of poverty, and then keep climbing the ladder to set bigger goals and more inspiring goals. So we did your purpose. And then I became a life coach and conflict management specialist. And so I use those skills like people are struggling with, like learning how to communicate properly and effectively with others. And if they could learn how to properly communicate, then collaboration happens, right. And when we rise together, we elevate each other right with collaboration, as a nothing was ever created on its own. You ever thought, but that thought can’t happen. I think if you already like with your with your podcast, you had experienced your experience. And it spurred something in you, that like led you to create this podcast. And in the podcast, you had the person who made the mic, right? You had the person who set the inner the internet up, you have all of your people who come and join alongside you. So your vision and our visions, they become ours, that they’re only activated when we properly collaborate with others. And so when I began to teach that, and it’s called Bright Futures, I said, I don’t like raising money, like I was great at creating the work. But if I was fully living in my bright future, what would I do? I would empower more leaders. Because if we can empower more leaders to do what they’re called to do, and their purpose, and help them get over their traumas of the past, then they can fully stand and the highest levels of leadership. And so yeah, that’s what I’m currently doing now is like, I create an exit plan from the org to empower more leaders. That is so amazing. I have it’s just, I There are probably millions of people out there who are probably were in your boat, and they’re probably sitting there wondering, how do I get how do I break the cycle? How do I break the cycle? And you’ve got, you’ve got the you’ve got the answer. Alright, and, you know, you should be, you know, you should be doing this all the time, you’ve got to get your message out. It’s very important. I mean, if you if you know how to do this, okay, you really, you know, how many people are stuck with a, you know, where they want to get out, but they just don’t know how, alright, and and it was, it was amazing when we finished the podcast, so I’m going to ask you to give your contact info, your email info, etc, and so forth. So but you also wrote a book, correct? And what’s what’s the name of that book? What’s that all about? So the name of the book is called I’ve written a few but the name of the first book is 50 dates at the board. And so for me 50 dates of the Lord. Wait for the Lord. Oh 50 Dads with the Lord. Yeah, did you? Did you have you had 50 dates with with God 100%. In that is what I found my purpose. Like, I had done all the education, right, I had gathered all these things and these skills, I have these great people that rallied around me, but I still missing something I was still seeking for more. And that’s when I began like my spiritual journey. And in that spiritual journey, I feel like really standing and asking the big questions of like, why do people suffer and why do you know like, I was a child, I experienced so much abuse and neglect and abandonment, like all these things, and and I wasn’t the only one like, why do we experience this and and in this journey, I was able to find like healing that I couldn’t find them there.

 

Right. It’s my faith journey. And in that is when I feel I was really led to my purpose and starting the organization

 

Ari:Wow, that’s that’s just,

 

that’s just so amazing. Yeah. Wow. So let me ask you this. And this is gonna be a tough question. I know it but who would you say in your life had the most the most effect on your life? And why? 

 

Caren:It’s two people, two people. Yeah. Dr. Tom, he was the first therapist that I went to. And he, like I said, he’s passed away in the last few years. But he was a forensic psychologist, and he specialized in FBI profiling, and behavior analysis. Wow, he had a pro bono group, like, here’s this affluent, he charges 250 an hour. And he provided this pro bono group. And in that he was able to help rewire the brain. And then the second person is the therapist that I went to next, Audrey’s timely, and she like, she was a woman. And I’ve been so wounded by the mother wound and I felt so like oppressed, around, like, sunken around women. And she just joined me on my journey. And like, embrace me, I remember just supporting me as a woman. And we walked together for three years. And I found so much healing from both of them to be able then to be empowered to be who I am now. I could never have done it without those therapists and coaches. Wow. So let me let me just ask you one question. So what did I ask you earlier? But did you ever get to a point in your life, like so low, and you’ve been really low, but so low to the point where you said, You know what? I give up? I know, I had my dreams. But you know what? I can’t do it. It’s too hard. I’m giving up. Did you ever reach that point? If you did? Okay. How did you break out of that? How did you How did you know? How did your mind say? No, I’m not gonna do this is not me. The literally my first attempt at suicide is 810 10 years old. I couldn’t imagine like, my daughter is 15. And I remember when she turned 10, thinking, like, who thinks of that it’s such an age, right? And so I always had this feeling of like, I didn’t deserve live life was always going to be bad. Age 10, age 13, age 16, or attempted suicides. But then I had the kid so I had to hold things together, right. But June 26 2013, that’s actually when I began the book was the day I had a plan to end my life. I was like, I’d done all these things to fix myself. The GED, the E is like all these things, these programs counseling, but I still had this emptiness and this brokenness inside me. I was crying all the time. Like, I remember, my kids would knock on the bathroom door and say, Mom, come out of the bathroom. We’ve been crying for hours, like they were just in this home with his mother that was just so depressed. And that was when I did my call out to God, I was like, Hey, I can’t do this on my own. I’ve done everything I can, in my own power to be better. And I’m still so broken. And that’s when I felt like that journey was like, follow me. Take this next journey on your spirituality and faith. And that is what led me my purpose. Wow. Wow. I wasn’t expecting that. 

 

Ari: Wow. You know, you are an inspiration. You’re an inspiration to me.

I mean, it’s just I, you know, I look at that, I go, wow, you know, if you can do all that, oh, my god, anybody can do anything. That’s it’s just

something so important there. Like anyone can do anything. Our limited beliefs, because of our past traumas and our coping mechanisms and our defense mechanisms. There are bricks, right. And sometimes those bricks they stack so high, but I think like what you say like listen to the whisper, I It’s this road to contentment that we’re seeking, right? And instead of running and medicating from the discontentment and the pain, if we face it, and we allow ourselves to move the bricks one at a time, we become so strong and happiness, lifting each brick away from the wall and become so strong that we overcome it. And so I think it’s like letting yourself truly believe that no matter what you’ve been through, you have a purpose. You have a special place in this world. And you can you can get there if you allow the voice within or behind you and around you to keep empowering you to get to a bigger place the whispers just keep listening to the whispers Oh my god. Oh my god. All right, is is my last tough question for you. Is there anything that you’d like to share with my audience before

 

We go words of advice, words of wisdom, something that can help people 100% Its discontentment is a gift and allow discontentment in the unrest and the uncomfortable instead of running and instead of medicating, face it and allow it to do its job of discontentment as a compass. And it’s like, if you allow discontentment to lead you, it will lead you to the road of contentment. It will charge you to seek the healing that you need and to do the work to find your full purpose. Wow. Wow, truly words of wisdom truly.

 

Ari: So Caren, if people want to get a hold of you, what’s the best way to do that? Social media emails? Give me Give it all. So definitely Instagram it’s where I’m forming my platform right now. And my instagram handle is at ca ra n Caren with a C underscore bright b r i g h t. Caren underscore bright. And my websites which is

 

Caren: www.BrightFutures.comRight futures CB calm now, is it a CCO is your real name is your real your last name really bright? It is really bright.

 

There. It is called Bright Futures right? It’s bright futures coaching and training. So I am a life and trauma coach. It’s what I do for a living. And so it’s so cool that I’m allowed to have this awesome last name of bright and have a company named around it which is so powerful and who I am in life, which is helping people reach their bright futures. That’s amazing. That’s amazing. Okay, so bright. futures.com Is that what it is? Bright Futures. cb.com cb Caren brights Yeah, the best way is Instagram which Instagram. Okay, everybody, right? Caren underscore bright on Instagram. So if anybody needs any help if you need some words of advice, words of wisdom, Caren is the person to go to she is your go to woman. She specializes in helping women, correct? Yes. But also high performing women high performing women. But she’ll talk to anybody. Basically, she’s always there to lend a helping hand. Caren, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. I’m sure that you’ve touched the hearts of many of my audience. Good luck going forward. Keep up the good work. 

 

Ari: You’ve been listening to WhispersandBricks, and I’m your host, Ari Schonbrun Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting your time and your career, your business or your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire. Then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers and bricks Coaching Academy. And until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

 

 Garry Jones Question Everything!

Summary:

Garry Jones shares his remarkable story with us! He has overcome many bricks, from almost drowning to a painful divorce. Garry also shared things that he thought were bricks that turned out to be a whisper. Finally, he shares his best advice for getting through any brick. You don’t want to miss it!

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

Ari: welcome to whisper spirits. My name is Ira Sherman. I’m your host I have with me today Gary Jones. Gary is a transformational coach, martial arts master, international speaker and number one best selling author. He worked for 20 years in private industry starting on the shop floor to become a general manager responsible for 1100 staff. It was in this environment that he discovered his passion for developing people helping many attain top level careers worldwide. He also runs a why Thai boxing gym, I’ll pronounce that right, which combines his love of physical fitness with bringing out the very best in his students through his 40 plus years of experience. Gary has a strong belief in achieving measurable results quickly and effectively. His unique experiences in the worlds of business, martial arts, physical and mental health and spiritual development, combined to create positive change in the lives and businesses of his clients. His vision is to have a lasting impact on 300 million people of the world. Wow. To leave a legacy of more smiles in the world. Please help me welcome Gary Jones. Gary, how are you?

 

Garry: Very well. Thank you. And thank you for having me on board. Oh, absolute pleasure.

 

Ari: My pleasure. Really. So people can’t see this. But I can because it’s in print. You’re named Gary is spelled with two R’s. Kind of an odd spelling. Kind of an odd spelling for the name Gary, what’s the story behind that?

 

Garry: That’s a Celtic spelling us the the normal We just want our that’s a shortened version of Gareth. But the carry with two R’s. It means spear in Celtic languages, particularly Welsh. Ah,

 

Ari: okay. We just use the Gary Jr. Why and it doesn’t mean anything. But hey, that’s great. So you are a spear. Wonderful. Now, as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling us what the right thing to do is and they represent the good in life. And the bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life. God knows. We all get hit with bricks throughout our lives. Some more, some less, some bigger, some smaller, but at the end of the day, we’re all everybody goes through something. Now you seem to have a pretty impressive bio, starting out at the bottom on the shop floor working up, working your way up rising up to a point where you’re sponsible for 1100 employees. That’s got to be major. But life wasn’t always so rosy for you was it? Let’s Let’s start. Let’s start back at the beginning. All right. I think you mentioned to me you were like six years old when you got hit with your first brick.

 

Can you tell us about that? 

 

Garry: Yeah, yeah. Well, recently I got asked that question of what’s something that triggered you what caused you to go down this line of thinking of helping people and, and I, I can remember distinctly being in a school playground. And we all have voices in our head. There’s nothing crazy about having voices in our head. We all have them. But mine were telling me, this is an illusion. And you’re just here to record what’s going on? For a six year old, that’s pretty crazy, I guess ready to say loudly and particularly my, my grandmother was like, you know, sort of very religious. I got dragged off to Baptist Church, the Methodist Church, the Church of England, anything to knock this me because if you sat there saying you’re talking to the gods and what have you, because that’s the way you interpret it. Then we use we’re going to well,

 

Ari: were you like, Were you having like hallucinations, or were you just just hearing voices or just hearing just hearing voices? Uh huh.

 

Garry: And the thing is, then when when that happens, you conditioned out of it, you cease to listen. Then there were there are occasions when I was 15 years old, and then roll in occasions that reoccurred through my life where you accept them and go with them. And then you reject it again as well. Because socially fitting in with the world and what the world expects of you, is not that you’re acting upon voices in your head. It’s just not the right thing to do as far as society understands.

 

Ari: Yeah, I can understand that. Yeah, reminds me of Did you ever see the movie? A Beautiful Mind? Yeah. Russell Crowe. Yeah. So, you know, kind of what her mind although he was he was he besides the voices in his head, he had the hallucinations, you know. So now I’m at age. So that was the age of six, and you’re getting battered around and, you know, trying to figure yourself out, I guess. But things I think get started to straighten out. And you mentioned to me that when you were 17, you were listening to some of those whispers, and you actually avoided being hit with a huge brick. Can you tell us about that?

 

Garry: Yeah, well, at that time, bit of a crazy youth time of my life. I was living in a house with a group of other males. They were all in in a band, in fact, and we wanted this crazy idea we were going to go to the Maldives. Scuba diving. Great, fantastic. Now I’m the one that put up the money, put it on my Visa card, which is okay. But as it happens with people of that age, Everybody pulled out

 

Ari: how many? How many were? How many? Were they there?

 

Were there were four of us going? Okay, and

 

so you got you got stuck with the bill for four people and you’re the only one?

 

Garry: Well, that’s the way I’m viewing it, you know, so the bricks that you’re talking about? I have a I have a thought and a precept that very often those bricks are also gifts to you. And this one in this particular case was to me by the time we the tickets have got the flight on the flight number, but the time where to go there’s just me, so I decide not to go. voice is saying just there’s no point don’t go. And that plane was hijacked. That specific Lane number was hijacked. A lot of hijacks were happening at that period of life. You know, I’m slightly older gentleman. No, not so much now.

 

Ari: When was when

 

nobody really got hurt? Nobody really got hurt. Nobody got you know, but yeah, but didn’t have been a good experience.

 

Ari: You know, getting hijacked is like crazy. What when was that? What year was that? Wow. Do you remember

 

in Celebes? That’d be 83 8309 83

 

Garry: Yeah, what airline was like you don’t mind? If you don’t mind me asking. Do you remember what airline was? Airing? I don’t remember any Air India flight being hijacked. Okay. No, it also reminds me there was a there was an airplane. And I don’t remember I had a friend who was on an airplane that was hijacked in the Middle East. And I forgot what they landed, whether it was it was Lebanon, or Jordan or I forgot what but they were held for, I think a couple of weeks. And until they finally got until they were finally freed. And yeah, he suffered psychological issues, obviously. from that. So you know, I hear so even though you say that, you know, nobody was hurt, thank God. But at the end of the day, psychologically, I guarantee you there were people that were very, very scarred. There must have been must have been alright. But again, you had that whisper saying don’t go don’t go and you didn’t go and you avoided that brick. That’s, you know, that’s it by the way. It’s a wonderful thing, you know? Kinda have to thank God for that one. Now, um, life moves on. But this time you were 19 when you got a major brick, a major brick that hate you? Something to do with a swimming or drowning? I don’t remember you want to tell us about it.

 

What do you get the signs you get the whispers before you do so. My first marriage I’m in my second marriage now but my first marriage that lady and we weren’t married at the time but the lady I ended up marrying was a good deal older than me. So much so that at 19 My I went to school with what would be my step daughter. She’s five years younger than me. No, well, yeah. And my stepson he was would have been seven years younger than me. But at 19 We’re walking along the beach. It’s a quite a notorious area in Wales for some riptides, but it was okay that the undersea was okay. And it was a dead poor points on the beach. That was the Whisper you know pay attention to I very often tell Not to my clients pay attention, more become more consciously aware of those voices and things that are telling you what to do or what not to do. But we ignored it. We were just playing in the waves. And then a big wave came over. Big, big way. Now I’ve previously thought 19 I’d already been in experiences of like, rescuing people, I suppose in water, and all my certificates to do it we all get trained to do in lifesaving, how to put your arm around somebody and pull them away. That’s saffron. That’s the lady’s name that I was with was really in a panic. And when you’re trying to hold somebody that’s in an absolute panic, flailing arms, it’s difficult. Now Anthony, the boy with well, he was he’s a level headed guy and a good swimmer. Although at the time, he was only 15. He still has no problem. You’re all touch the bottom it’s it’s okay. Well, then he couldn’t. And then when I looked around the particular beach we were on from World War Two. There’s what’s called pillboxes. There are by 10 meters by 10 meters concrete block stations that were held machinegun posts, and that looked like a tiny little.on The Horizon thinking. We really have been taken out to see boy a riptide saving one person you can do trying to save two that are panicking and flailing I know. So you have to make some decisions. We are going to drain or do you do the unsinkable? Do you swim away and leave them? I did. I swam away. Now the waves were pretty big at this time. And they were screaming you know, for a long time. I didn’t like anybody say my name. Because of the associations if what happened then? Because then he went quiet. And I don’t hear them screaming my name. We I had to push them away to save me. Because I still had the belief that somehow I could get to shore and get more help. That’s that was what was driving me. But then I got caught in a riptide and I just I was getting taken further out to sea. So then you have to come to another decision. Is this the inevitable and I’d love to start studying chivalry. And there’s a saying in that but you you tackle death you fight death until every last breath. But on that last breath if it’s the inevitable, except it with grace. And I thought that was it. I thought this is it. So just accepted with grace. And I have to admit it was quite a beautiful experience in a way which sounds crazy at first it was horrendous have taken a water and salt water and but once I’d set within it’s fine. But then, then I could see in the right in the distance. Antony getting out on the beach, getting out on the beach.

 

A 15 year old and I thought myself a strong swimmer. So without going too long a length into the story. Somehow I find the strength or maybe the tide changed and helped me at that point. Because I don’t think you can swim against tides either agree or maybe the latter was the reason that we both got out. I ended up with another gentleman going back in swimming back into the sea to get suffering out. She was in a terrible state then you know and nobody really tells you too much details about giving the kiss of life is the amount of buy or you have to fish out the mags and everything really to to rescue them. She spent three days in a hyper thermia bath. She did recover. The strangest thing is really on that night. That night after it had happened. They

 

met limit. Let me stop you for a minute. Let me just stop you for a minute because I’m trying to. I’m trying to understand what’s going on here because I can’t believe what I’m hearing. So if the three of you were in the water, right, it was you saffron and Anthony, right? Yeah, you get pulled out in front with a riptide. Okay, yeah, she’s flailing he’s flailing. You’re still keeping a level head, you realize that if you can evolve

 

you’ve got so much. Not so much to be honest. It’s kind of difficult to

 

Ari:alright, but But I’m saying so you just you make a decision that, you know, if I try and save them, we’re all gonna drown. I’ve got to save myself, you start going back towards shore. Right? And then you get pulled out again. Is that correct?

 

Garry: Yeah, there’s a particular where we were as a place called tower in in Abu Dhabi. So there are two tides that fold into each other and where they fold. This is where it got swept to, then they’re just pulling you back out again.

 

Ari: So then you and then and then you look at the shore and you see Anthony coming out, walking out. Alright, is that at this point? Where is saffron? Uh, you know, you lost sight of her. You don’t know where she is? haven’t got a clue. Yeah, you swim back. You come back to shore, you may able to make it back to shore, you find another guy. And then you go back into the water to try and save saffron, which you ultimately did.

 

Is that is that? Is that what you’re telling me?

 

Yeah. Wow, that

 

Garry: was actually two guys. And they were from Liverpool. So the one ran to get the Coast Guard. Because you remember that time? There were no mobile phones or anything. All right. So he ran to get the Coast Guard. We got up on the sand dunes, we could see her rolling in the sea. He actually said to me that I’m not too good a swimmer. But if we go back in together, do you think we could get it which on, you know, in from a logical reason is stupid to do? That was a silly thing we did in a way. But the result was the right result. It could have gone horribly wrong the other way. You know, and then it could have been him and me and suffering again. Right. But it worked. But it didn’t work out. Again. The belief was there. We could get her out. Oh,

 

man. Okay, so what happened after that? So she was she was in a I would say hypothermia bath.

 

Garry: Yeah. Well, the ambulance managed to get as far as it could to the beach. And her her mother, Anthony. And she went away in the ambulance. So I stayed because I knew the Coast Guard was coming. And the Coast Guard you know, she’d been saved and gone. Your memory can play real tricks. I’m sure. I’m sure you from your own experience already have this, you know, but because there were people on the beach that we were trying to get to help us a note. Nobody would people were looking at us like we’re stupid apart from these two guys from Liverpool. And, but when I remember the Coast Guard, it’s sort of almost like I was alone. No, no, no, I couldn’t have been but as my recollection is I was alone on that beach and just told them she’s she’s safe. She’s fine. She’s gone. And when the when they left, I just wanted to go back into the sea. That experience had been so beautiful. which just sounds crazy isn’t it sounds absolutely crazy to say it was so beautiful. Not the drowning the pot on past that I’ve just letting go and surrendering was was amazing. And and maybe it was, you know, fear of a concert. I didn’t know she was going to live or die then and feeling the responsibility and guilt. Maybe there maybe it was just a coward’s way. I don’t know. But I just remember that I just wanted to be back in the sea. And it was it was a really difficult thing not to go back in. Wow.

 

Ari: Wow. Okay, so, um, what? Let me ask you this, okay, after this whole episode. I mean, did you ever fall to a point so low that you said to yourself, you know what, I can’t do this. I quit. I’m giving up on my dreams, you know, I’m out, you know, because it kind of sounds like that’s where you’re at. At that point. I don’t know if that’s true or not. But if it is, my question then is how did you make the comeback? How did you get out of that depression, you know that severe depression and and cert and totally turn your life around, you know, to where you are today.

 

Garry: Hmm. I would think that particular occasion wasn’t the sort of low points of that but there have been times before that. And I used to use a really stupid strategy which was I don’t think a lot of people that reached a low do this will be play morose music. Almost like in this belief, if you can take yourself lower to the bottom of the well that you spin back out. And it just doesn’t work. It doesn’t work. Yeah, that that’d be the last thing I teach clients that I work with no But those were the type of things I was trying to do around 1516. A lowest point, I would guess, in my life after that would have been the end of that first marriage and, and leaving my 14 year old daughter that’s, you know, in interview techniques when I was in the corporate world, that drowning situation, I would use that as a technique. I’ve asked people, what was the hardest thing they’d ever done? And then I’d bang, I say, I, I swept, sorry, I swam away from my kids and let them dry. Is the statement I would make? Yeah, of course, embellishing stuff slightly to have a dramatic effect on them. Because I wanted to know truth from people in an interview. But it wasn’t even when I look back now, it it’s gone past that the hardest thing I’ve ever done was leaving my daughter. At that time, I’d have to say, now I’ve got a beautiful relationship with my daughter. But it was difficult. For for a while it was really difficult. And I contemplated checking out then. Absolutely. How did I get out of it? Just knowing that something supports you in the end, if again, if you surrender, what did I do in the drowning I surrendered? It’s almost like if you accept the death may be the next thing. It isn’t. You know, it is a bit like the Bible story perhaps of like, having to sacrifice his son, and then send that’s fine. You don’t have to be you just you were willing to. If you’re willing to die in service of others, or rescue and others, then you don’t have to. Well,

 

Ari: so what are you doing now? What are we up to now?

 

Garry: I love running the Maui Thai martial arts has been something seven years old when I started. So now it’s 48 years I’ve been doing martial arts. Because I see the change in people. That’s one aspect. That’s like my hobby aspect, I guess. And then in the day times I’m working with whether it’s business people, elite athletes, or just somebody who’s struggling with depression, anxiety, different forms of mental health. Particularly what I found in life really is that those that do things like business, sports exceptionally well also do depression and anxiety exceptionally well. If it starts to go in the other direction, there’s no half measures, they do everything at 100%. And it’s understanding that they have that inbuilt strategy, that’s what you can use to turn it around and just reshape it into a positive aspect. All of that takes up a lot of time. Yeah, we all know what the world is going through at the moment. Absolutely. Isn’t there never really. And I end up doing particularly from military in that particular part of the world. I do that for free. Really? Because of what they’re doing for us. Sure.

 

Ari: Absolutely. Absolutely. Well, you know, it’s, it’s quite a story really is to, you know, send a shiver up my spine. I have to be honest with you, you know, that was absolutely amazing. Before we go, is there anything else that you would like to share with my audience? Maybe some advice, some words of wisdom?

 

Garry: Yeah. I don’t know if you can see it on. Here. Okay. I’ll put that up a bit closer. That’s my core belief. Except nothing. believe nothing, check everything. Sounds very cynical, but it’s a process. Newton didn’t accepted Einstein didn’t accept or believe the status quo. They questioned. Questioning everything leads you to growth. Asking the right questions, asking the wrong questions. What’s going to go wrong today? Yeah, that’s the wrong question. Asking the right questions. What’s gonna go right today? But the check everything’s the really important thing. It means try it. Yeah. Somebody says something to you have a new perception, a new way of looking at it and rather than just reject it We’re so slammed down or sensor it. Who is trying? Maybe it does work. Maybe that strategy is for you, after all.

 

Very nice, very nice words of wisdom. I like I like to think about somebody once said to me, trust, but verify.

 

Garry: Yeah. A big influence on me in business was Dr. Edwards Deming. You know, that’s the highest quality award you can get in in Japan. And he said In God We Trust in everybody else must provide data.

 

I always started and God we trust all of this pay cash.

 

Not for much longer because long, she’s gone.

 

Ari: Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. So Gary, if people want to get in touch with you to learn more about what you do? What would what would be the best way for them to do that? Do you have a website? Email? Yeah.

 

Garry: So website, W WW. Gary, that’s maybe that’s we two hours GA double R Y. Jones, J o n e. S coaching.com. Facebook is a good way to get hold of me. That’s you can find me on Gary Goldstar Jones. And my email is Gary Jones. coaching@gmail.com. Let’s make it all very easy. It sounds simple

 

Ari: enough sound simple enough. Well, Gary, thanks so much for sharing your story of my audience, giving people the motivation that they need to persevere in all the struggles in life. Good luck going forward. You been listening to us prison bricks, and I’m your host, Gary Schomer. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at call with ari.com Check out my whispers and bricks Academy. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

 

 

 Ray Hurst Rewrite Your Story

Summary:

Ray Hurst (also known as Papa Ray Hurst shares his incredible story with us. He has had three businesses, started a ministry, and overcome two depressions. Ray shares his story of what he learned about depression, how he learned to overcome it, and how he teaches others to do the same. He shares the whispers that led to an open a coaching business and pursuing his passion. Best of all, he shares advice on how to rewrite the chapters of your story that are holding you back and free yourself from depression.

Ray Hurst Rewrite Your Story

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

 

Ari: My name is Ari Schobrunn I’m your host. Today I have with me papa Ray, who’s been married to the same amazing woman for 36 years. He’s an international speaker and coach, a pastor, missionary, author, artist, and poet. I don’t know where he gets the time to do all that. Anyway, he started right he has started run three different companies and a ministry. During his lifetime, he has survived two major depressions, the last one coming within five minutes of losing his life, and is now teaching people how to understand their owner’s manual, leading them into major life changing breakthroughs in a matter of a few hours. Ray has become a coach because of his passion for helping people be better. He teaches people how to change the meaning of what happened in their past, so will not be a part of their future. Please help me welcome, Papa Ray are

 

Ray: doing amazing. Thank you.

 

Ari:That’s wonderful. Great. So as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling you what the right thing to do is and they represent the good life. The bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life, we all know, life is not a straight line. There are many ups and downs, many bumps in the road. And, you know, everybody goes through something at some point in time. Some have bigger bricks and have smaller bricks and have more bricks and have less bricks. But before we get into that, first things first, how did you get the name Papa Bray.

 

Ray: So when I went to Brazil in 2004, on a mission trip, the Holy Spirit told me to stand in the place of this girl, as her father and bless her as my daughter. That started my ministry called the Father’s blessing. And went back in 2006. Literally, every single person that came to me for prayer, the Holy Spirit said it’s their dad. Out of that, two girls stayed in touch. And in inevitably, I went back for more times, on my own solo trips to just share the Father’s blessing. Now people in Brazil simply call me papa. They don’t call me Pastor. They don’t call me right. They just simply call me, Papa. Wow, I go by Ray.

 

Ari: Wow, what a great story. A great story. All right. So let’s get into this. When you were just a child, I think at the age of four. That was when you got hit with your first brick. Want to tell us about that?

 

Ray: Yeah, I, at the time, I didn’t realize it was a major break that would dictate the rest of my life. My father left my home when I was four years old. I grew up in a conservative Anabaptist Mennonite community. Sadly, and unfortunately, 54 years ago, that community had no clue how to deal with separation and divorce. They really did not know anything about it. They didn’t know how to respond to it. They didn’t know. And so anyway, I grew up with a lot of wrong beliefs mindsets. And I believed and said all my life up until seven years ago, I’m abandoned. I’m rejected. Well, guess how I live my life. Every authority figure, every pastor, every boss, every teacher, I knew. And I could predict they were going to abandon me or reject me. So guess how I live? Wow. It’s very real, what we believe there is what we will, what our perception of our past will always be our projection or our future, until we change it.

 

Ari: Wow, wow. That’s powerful. Now, in your bio, you mentioned that you ran like three successful companies. And yet you had two major bouts of depression. I think you were 30 years old when you had the first bout. Can you tell me what was going on back then?

 

Ray: Yeah, so um, I like to tell people how did I get into my depression being a relatively intelligent person. So being intelligent has nothing to do with being falling into depression. Your IQ or your intellectual intelligence is not going to keep you out of depression. Because depression is an emotional and when you look at EQ or emotional awareness, it is erotical, it can drop, go from as high as 720 bits of data to as low as 20, which is your stress response. So when you fall into a depression or into a funk and you can’t process and you can’t function, you didn’t lose your intellectual intelligence. It’s your emotional awareness, that took a major hit. So like to tell people, if you took a piece of paper, and you laid it on top of another piece of paper, you do that 40 times a day doesn’t sound like much do that every single day for 50 years, you’re going to have a mound of papers that you cannot see past. And all you’re going to see in life is what’s written on them papers. Because every single day, you put that same thought. And that became that same idea. That same idea became that belief, that belief became your actions, your actions become your lifestyle, your lifestyle, created a new thought, gave you a new idea, give you a new belief, a new action, new lifestyle. So it’s every time you lay a piece of paper on top of it, the other one, and you don’t take the other ones away that were wrong. All them thoughts become them ideas that eventually will become what who you are. So it’s, it is I was gonna say is not difficult at all, to fall in depression. It’s actually very easy. Because you do nothing different. And you will do the same thing.

 

Ari: Right? I always tell people, you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. That’s insanity. But yet, that’s what most of us do every single day. You know, we don’t make those changes that we need to change.

 

Ray:Yeah, unfortunately, very unfortunate.

 

Ari: Right. Now, I think in our last conversation that we had offline, you mentioned to me that you had your three businesses but that you lost your businesses, you had lost your house. So what was what was going on there?

 

Ray: So 30 years ago, and my first depression, I was electrical contractor, I was had some limited amount of success, things were going well, I bought a house we were doing well. And again, is them one thought on top of another thought that I did not simply take my thoughts captive. And I did not be renewed by transforming my mind is allowed these things to build up until they become so overwhelming. I could have literally told you how to do all the electrical work at the time I was doing residential homes, I could have sat down and explained to you exactly what needed to be done, what size of wire, how many receptacles everything. Intellectually, I was still aware, I understood. Emotionally, I was overwhelmed. And just completely unable to function I was sleep 1012 hours a day, wake up totally exhausted. It physically, emotionally, spiritually numb, I was just completely overwhelmed. And so that just built up. And then people would say to me, Well, Ray, just go out and work, just go do something. I can’t. But my family they couldn’t understand that is depression is not an intellectual, it’s an emotional. And so you dive into a little bit later what the mechanics of emotions are. And when that mechanics of them emotions start going, it just drives it harder. It’s like drilling into the ground. And the more the emotions go, the harder it drills, and the farther it takes you down to tongda. I mean deeper and deeper and deeper. And the more people say just get over it, the worse it makes. It literally makes it worse. It amplifies is like turning up the amperage. It’s like you crank it up to 220 volts

 

Ari: or go like a true electrician. So what about Okay, so, first of all, how did you get out of that funk? How did you get out of that depression? And then what happened when the second one hit?

 

Ray: The first one, I think it was just a matter of time. I literally had to sell my business file bankruptcy. So my house walked away with $2,000 for my life’s work at that time. I mean, relatively for what I was doing, and what I built. There was nothing. I mean, literally, right peanuts and so it was just a matter of time. Trying to find stability. So all the pressure was gone. We’re behind a new mortgage. And so the relief, the bankruptcy and the sun house on everything and getting a job, having a steady schedule, gave me some kind of normalcy, and gave me some kind of a relief. But it wasn’t permanent. Because there was a lot of, you know, a lot of a roller coaster for next 20 years. Wow. And, again, it’s it’s all about that one thought stacked on top of another thought never correcting it. And that’s why it is so so easy to get caught up in this trap. And yeah, so just finding that sense of normalcy, getting that job. But it didn’t take me long, you know, I didn’t like working for somebody, because I’m a very creative person. Right? I didn’t like being trapped in. So it didn’t take me long, maybe two years before I was back in my own business again, running and then I went from electrical contractor to building signs. And that did that for the last 16 years. Wow. In 2018 is always love coaching, mentoring, counseling, helping people, right? I said to my wife, I said, Wow, I want to be a coach, I want to start charging people for coaching. So 2018, we officially launched Eilat coaching, is I call myself a personal transformation coach. Because my goal is to transform people’s lives.

 

Ari: So I guess, I guess you, you finally listen to the whispers. Alright, and becoming a coach, which led you to discover I’m sure some deeper truths about yourself, about your life, and what was really and what was really important to you. And now you’re helping people to overcome some of the bricks that they’ve been thrown at, that they’ve had thrown at them. Right. And some of the bricks that, you know, you’ve, you know, some of the stuff that you’ve gone through. And, you know, and it’s, it’s gone like full circle, basically.

 

Ray: Yeah, definitely, definitely. And that is, my greatest joy in life is helping somebody I want to be for the world what the world was not for me when I needed them the most. Sadly, and unfortunately, the world really, or I should say, my world, was not able to give me what I needed. And I look back and I that circle of influence I had at that time. And you know, the sad part is external got it. They don’t get it. It’s sad, because so many of them are trapped in their same bubble. But as as you grow, and you see these things, you kind of feel bad for them. Before I was angry, before I was really, really angry at them. When I realized they didn’t give me more. And I realized they weren’t there. They weren’t not there. Even though in their own way. They tried to be there. But what they did was devastating. And saying just get over Oh, come on. Just go do Good job. Good work. What’s wrong with you? Well, you know, you’re stupid, or implying that Pat is unbelievably devastating. That’s not what a person needs when you’re in the throes of depression. Now, I hear you, I hear you. It’s the worst thing you could do is telling somebody just go do it. Right? If they could just go do it, then what would it do? When somebody does that, it’s like taking a break and hitting them over the head. You become the next brick right in their life. And then what it does, it amplifies the problem. Night don’t get me wrong. There are people out there that abuse it. There are people out there that are hypochondriacs that everything in anything wrong, and they’re abusing our sympathy and empathy. Yes, there is a group of people that’s No, it’s inevitable. Because the same is you know, you can’t just say get over it. You’re why are they that way? There’s always a core reason there’s always a root if you never get to the root you can ever correct right. And that’s the key is you got to get to the root. Where did it start? Where did that creep in? Where did that idea where that thoughts come from? If you really break it down, I really think you deal with started with a thought you were born with it. You weren’t born with them fears you weren’t Born with them doubts and anxieties. You’re a bird born with that it was a learned behavior. And a beautiful thing about a learned behavior is you can change the meaning and which will radically change your life. Right? Right, I hear you. You’re the only one that wrote that chapter. God did not write it. The devil did not write it. Nobody wrote that shot only you did. And guess what? Because you have freewill. You can go back and rewrite that chapter. I did. So that’s what I teach my clients to them. I just teach them how to rewrite that meaning. And it’s amazing how quickly people can be set free. When they’re ready to go rewrite the chapter. The key, they have to be ready. Oh, painful, it hurts. It’s very painful. It’s not fun. But I tell you why living in a depression is no fun at all. It steals everything. Depression is a thief. Depression is real. And it’s it’s thief, it will steal you. It will steal your life is still your joy. It is still everything from but it doesn’t have to be you. It doesn’t have to be you and you don’t have to be that you can be free. You’re allowed to be free.

 

Ari: Absolutely, absolutely. Very, very wise words. Wise words. Let me ask you something. Who was the one person that you would point to? To that, you know, what person would you say had the most influence in your life? And why?

 

Ray: Wow. So in the in the in the last seven years, I’m not to call Dr. Joe Dispenza. Because he really spoken in most clearest way possible of what is happening in my brain, what I call the mechanics of my emotions, is I was getting downloads from the Holy Spirit. And I was kind of like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it really makes sense. Then when I listen, I could go to Spence’s like fam, it just lit up on my oh my goodness, this solidifies everything that I was sensing. It just gave it a nod that the Holy Spirit was unable to give me that. But when Dr. Joe Dispenza said it, it just like bam. Wow, that resonated. Confirmation just resonated. Yeah. And you know, the beautiful part about Dr. Joe Dispenza. Even though he may not be a devout Christian like I am, he still speaks truth. He still has a huge element of truth. And when I when you know the truth, the truth sets you free is when you hear the truth. You’re like, yeah, I resonate with that. And you know what the beautiful part was? It was easy. It wasn’t complicated. Wasn’t this complex? Take this task and then take this pill and then come back in two weeks and do this task and train your brain every day. No, it when you listen to him, it’s like this at this is not difficult. But again, I can’t I can’t emphasize enough. We have to be at that state of willingness and to be prepared to go through the process. I call it a simple step. A hard process. Now I know personally helped people have major major life changing breakthroughs in less than an hour. Wow, every time but it’s happened. The key is I can’t emphasize enough the key is they were ready. They were 100% ready for that breakthrough. They were desperate for that breakthrough. Not everybody’s at that place. And that’s okay. Be okay, where you are just don’t stay where you are.

 

Ari: Wow, I would ask if you have any words of wisdom to share with my audience, but I think you’ve just shared a whole boatload of words of wisdom for my audience. So let me ask you this if people want to get in touch with you, what would be the best the best way for them to do that? You have an email you have a website social media.

 

Ray: I have two websites. Let me give you my coaching website is Eilat i l AP. No w.com. That’s www.Eilatnow.com. Okay. The Ministry website is where I stand as a father and I bless people as a son and a daughter and that is Father’s blessing dot info as Father’s blessing dot i n f o and if you go on there is actually a video for the son where I stand as a father and I bless him as a son. And there’s a video for a daughter, where I stand as a father and bless him as a daughter as To share the things that you may have never heard from your Father which is another big part of the healing process

 

wow okay, so it’s I left now at

 

Ray: at why not now calm I locked down calm and father’s blood His blessings God I nfo blessing single fathers right fathers with an S blessing, right dot inf O great you can also follow me on Facebook. Okay lots of really positive content on Facebook on a regular basis videos and posts and comments. So I really my heart’s desire is to be for the world what the world was not for me when I needed them. So I’m always trying to put out really high quality content thought provoking to really help people see I never want anybody be the same because they met me and I believe nobody will be the same because they met me

 

I know I won’t be the same because I mentioned this Sure.

 

Right. Facebook is rehearsed on

 

Facebook. Right Harris okay. No, papa.

 

Ray: Well, it’s in parentheses, Papa. But if you just simply put in rehearse we’ll find you’ll find me God. Right. Yeah, you could put in Papa Ray you

 

Ari: Yeah. And you to re thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. Good luck going forward. You’re really doing some great service for the world. You’re listening to whispers in bricks and I’m your host Iris Sharma. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction significance that you desire, and it’s time for you to book a call with me at www call with ari.com Check out my whispers and bricks Academy. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.

 

 Ray Hurst Rewrite Your Story

Summary:

Ray Hurst (also known as Papa Ray Hurst shares his incredible story with us. He has had three businesses, started a ministry, and overcome two depressions. Ray shares his story of what he learned about depression, how he learned to overcome it, and how he teaches others to do the same. He shares the whispers that led to an open a coaching business and pursuing his passion. Best of all, he shares advice on how to rewrite the chapters of your story that are holding you back and free yourself from depression.

 

Episode Transcription

 

Intro Plays

 

Ari: My name is Ari Schobrunn I’m your host. Today I have with me papa Ray, who’s been married to the same amazing woman for 36 years. He’s an international speaker and coach, a pastor, missionary, author, artist, and poet. I don’t know where he gets the time to do all that. Anyway, he started right he has started run three different companies and a ministry. During his lifetime, he has survived two major depressions, the last one coming within five minutes of losing his life, and is now teaching people how to understand their owner’s manual, leading them into major life changing breakthroughs in a matter of a few hours. Ray has become a coach because of his passion for helping people be better. He teaches people how to change the meaning of what happened in their past, so will not be a part of their future. Please help me welcome, Papa Ray are

 

Ray: doing amazing. Thank you.

 

Ari:That’s wonderful. Great. So as you know, the name of this podcast is whispers and bricks, the whispers of those voices telling you what the right thing to do is and they represent the good life. The bricks represent the bad things that we go through in life, we all know, life is not a straight line. There are many ups and downs, many bumps in the road. And, you know, everybody goes through something at some point in time. Some have bigger bricks and have smaller bricks and have more bricks and have less bricks. But before we get into that, first things first, how did you get the name Papa Bray.

 

Ray: So when I went to Brazil in 2004, on a mission trip, the Holy Spirit told me to stand in the place of this girl, as her father and bless her as my daughter. That started my ministry called the Father’s blessing. And went back in 2006. Literally, every single person that came to me for prayer, the Holy Spirit said it’s their dad. Out of that, two girls stayed in touch. And in inevitably, I went back for more times, on my own solo trips to just share the Father’s blessing. Now people in Brazil simply call me papa. They don’t call me Pastor. They don’t call me right. They just simply call me, Papa. Wow, I go by Ray.

 

Ari: Wow, what a great story. A great story. All right. So let’s get into this. When you were just a child, I think at the age of four. That was when you got hit with your first brick. Want to tell us about that?

 

Ray: Yeah, I, at the time, I didn’t realize it was a major break that would dictate the rest of my life. My father left my home when I was four years old. I grew up in a conservative Anabaptist Mennonite community. Sadly, and unfortunately, 54 years ago, that community had no clue how to deal with separation and divorce. They really did not know anything about it. They didn’t know how to respond to it. They didn’t know. And so anyway, I grew up with a lot of wrong beliefs mindsets. And I believed and said all my life up until seven years ago, I’m abandoned. I’m rejected. Well, guess how I live my life. Every authority figure, every pastor, every boss, every teacher, I knew. And I could predict they were going to abandon me or reject me. So guess how I live? Wow. It’s very real, what we believe there is what we will, what our perception of our past will always be our projection or our future, until we change it.

 

Ari: Wow, wow. That’s powerful. Now, in your bio, you mentioned that you ran like three successful companies. And yet you had two major bouts of depression. I think you were 30 years old when you had the first bout. Can you tell me what was going on back then?

 

Ray: Yeah, so um, I like to tell people how did I get into my depression being a relatively intelligent person. So being intelligent has nothing to do with being falling into depression. Your IQ or your intellectual intelligence is not going to keep you out of depression. Because depression is an emotional and when you look at EQ or emotional awareness, it is erotical, it can drop, go from as high as 720 bits of data to as low as 20, which is your stress response. So when you fall into a depression or into a funk and you can’t process and you can’t function, you didn’t lose your intellectual intelligence. It’s your emotional awareness, that took a major hit. So like to tell people, if you took a piece of paper, and you laid it on top of another piece of paper, you do that 40 times a day doesn’t sound like much do that every single day for 50 years, you’re going to have a mound of papers that you cannot see past. And all you’re going to see in life is what’s written on them papers. Because every single day, you put that same thought. And that became that same idea. That same idea became that belief, that belief became your actions, your actions become your lifestyle, your lifestyle, created a new thought, gave you a new idea, give you a new belief, a new action, new lifestyle. So it’s every time you lay a piece of paper on top of it, the other one, and you don’t take the other ones away that were wrong. All them thoughts become them ideas that eventually will become what who you are. So it’s, it is I was gonna say is not difficult at all, to fall in depression. It’s actually very easy. Because you do nothing different. And you will do the same thing.

 

Ari: Right? I always tell people, you know what the definition of insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. That’s insanity. But yet, that’s what most of us do every single day. You know, we don’t make those changes that we need to change.

 

Ray:Yeah, unfortunately, very unfortunate.

 

Ari: Right. Now, I think in our last conversation that we had offline, you mentioned to me that you had your three businesses but that you lost your businesses, you had lost your house. So what was what was going on there?

 

Ray: So 30 years ago, and my first depression, I was electrical contractor, I was had some limited amount of success, things were going well, I bought a house we were doing well. And again, is them one thought on top of another thought that I did not simply take my thoughts captive. And I did not be renewed by transforming my mind is allowed these things to build up until they become so overwhelming. I could have literally told you how to do all the electrical work at the time I was doing residential homes, I could have sat down and explained to you exactly what needed to be done, what size of wire, how many receptacles everything. Intellectually, I was still aware, I understood. Emotionally, I was overwhelmed. And just completely unable to function I was sleep 1012 hours a day, wake up totally exhausted. It physically, emotionally, spiritually numb, I was just completely overwhelmed. And so that just built up. And then people would say to me, Well, Ray, just go out and work, just go do something. I can’t. But my family they couldn’t understand that is depression is not an intellectual, it’s an emotional. And so you dive into a little bit later what the mechanics of emotions are. And when that mechanics of them emotions start going, it just drives it harder. It’s like drilling into the ground. And the more the emotions go, the harder it drills, and the farther it takes you down to tongda. I mean deeper and deeper and deeper. And the more people say just get over it, the worse it makes. It literally makes it worse. It amplifies is like turning up the amperage. It’s like you crank it up to 220 volts

 

Ari: or go like a true electrician. So what about Okay, so, first of all, how did you get out of that funk? How did you get out of that depression? And then what happened when the second one hit?

 

Ray: The first one, I think it was just a matter of time. I literally had to sell my business file bankruptcy. So my house walked away with $2,000 for my life’s work at that time. I mean, relatively for what I was doing, and what I built. There was nothing. I mean, literally, right peanuts and so it was just a matter of time. Trying to find stability. So all the pressure was gone. We’re behind a new mortgage. And so the relief, the bankruptcy and the sun house on everything and getting a job, having a steady schedule, gave me some kind of normalcy, and gave me some kind of a relief. But it wasn’t permanent. Because there was a lot of, you know, a lot of a roller coaster for next 20 years. Wow. And, again, it’s it’s all about that one thought stacked on top of another thought never correcting it. And that’s why it is so so easy to get caught up in this trap. And yeah, so just finding that sense of normalcy, getting that job. But it didn’t take me long, you know, I didn’t like working for somebody, because I’m a very creative person. Right? I didn’t like being trapped in. So it didn’t take me long, maybe two years before I was back in my own business again, running and then I went from electrical contractor to building signs. And that did that for the last 16 years. Wow. In 2018 is always love coaching, mentoring, counseling, helping people, right? I said to my wife, I said, Wow, I want to be a coach, I want to start charging people for coaching. So 2018, we officially launched Eilat coaching, is I call myself a personal transformation coach. Because my goal is to transform people’s lives.

 

Ari: So I guess, I guess you, you finally listen to the whispers. Alright, and becoming a coach, which led you to discover I’m sure some deeper truths about yourself, about your life, and what was really and what was really important to you. And now you’re helping people to overcome some of the bricks that they’ve been thrown at, that they’ve had thrown at them. Right. And some of the bricks that, you know, you’ve, you know, some of the stuff that you’ve gone through. And, you know, and it’s, it’s gone like full circle, basically.

 

Ray: Yeah, definitely, definitely. And that is, my greatest joy in life is helping somebody I want to be for the world what the world was not for me when I needed them the most. Sadly, and unfortunately, the world really, or I should say, my world, was not able to give me what I needed. And I look back and I that circle of influence I had at that time. And you know, the sad part is external got it. They don’t get it. It’s sad, because so many of them are trapped in their same bubble. But as as you grow, and you see these things, you kind of feel bad for them. Before I was angry, before I was really, really angry at them. When I realized they didn’t give me more. And I realized they weren’t there. They weren’t not there. Even though in their own way. They tried to be there. But what they did was devastating. And saying just get over Oh, come on. Just go do Good job. Good work. What’s wrong with you? Well, you know, you’re stupid, or implying that Pat is unbelievably devastating. That’s not what a person needs when you’re in the throes of depression. Now, I hear you, I hear you. It’s the worst thing you could do is telling somebody just go do it. Right? If they could just go do it, then what would it do? When somebody does that, it’s like taking a break and hitting them over the head. You become the next brick right in their life. And then what it does, it amplifies the problem. Night don’t get me wrong. There are people out there that abuse it. There are people out there that are hypochondriacs that everything in anything wrong, and they’re abusing our sympathy and empathy. Yes, there is a group of people that’s No, it’s inevitable. Because the same is you know, you can’t just say get over it. You’re why are they that way? There’s always a core reason there’s always a root if you never get to the root you can ever correct right. And that’s the key is you got to get to the root. Where did it start? Where did that creep in? Where did that idea where that thoughts come from? If you really break it down, I really think you deal with started with a thought you were born with it. You weren’t born with them fears you weren’t Born with them doubts and anxieties. You’re a bird born with that it was a learned behavior. And a beautiful thing about a learned behavior is you can change the meaning and which will radically change your life. Right? Right, I hear you. You’re the only one that wrote that chapter. God did not write it. The devil did not write it. Nobody wrote that shot only you did. And guess what? Because you have freewill. You can go back and rewrite that chapter. I did. So that’s what I teach my clients to them. I just teach them how to rewrite that meaning. And it’s amazing how quickly people can be set free. When they’re ready to go rewrite the chapter. The key, they have to be ready. Oh, painful, it hurts. It’s very painful. It’s not fun. But I tell you why living in a depression is no fun at all. It steals everything. Depression is a thief. Depression is real. And it’s it’s thief, it will steal you. It will steal your life is still your joy. It is still everything from but it doesn’t have to be you. It doesn’t have to be you and you don’t have to be that you can be free. You’re allowed to be free.

 

Ari: Absolutely, absolutely. Very, very wise words. Wise words. Let me ask you something. Who was the one person that you would point to? To that, you know, what person would you say had the most influence in your life? And why?

 

Ray: Wow. So in the in the in the last seven years, I’m not to call Dr. Joe Dispenza. Because he really spoken in most clearest way possible of what is happening in my brain, what I call the mechanics of my emotions, is I was getting downloads from the Holy Spirit. And I was kind of like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, it really makes sense. Then when I listen, I could go to Spence’s like fam, it just lit up on my oh my goodness, this solidifies everything that I was sensing. It just gave it a nod that the Holy Spirit was unable to give me that. But when Dr. Joe Dispenza said it, it just like bam. Wow, that resonated. Confirmation just resonated. Yeah. And you know, the beautiful part about Dr. Joe Dispenza. Even though he may not be a devout Christian like I am, he still speaks truth. He still has a huge element of truth. And when I when you know the truth, the truth sets you free is when you hear the truth. You’re like, yeah, I resonate with that. And you know what the beautiful part was? It was easy. It wasn’t complicated. Wasn’t this complex? Take this task and then take this pill and then come back in two weeks and do this task and train your brain every day. No, it when you listen to him, it’s like this at this is not difficult. But again, I can’t I can’t emphasize enough. We have to be at that state of willingness and to be prepared to go through the process. I call it a simple step. A hard process. Now I know personally helped people have major major life changing breakthroughs in less than an hour. Wow, every time but it’s happened. The key is I can’t emphasize enough the key is they were ready. They were 100% ready for that breakthrough. They were desperate for that breakthrough. Not everybody’s at that place. And that’s okay. Be okay, where you are just don’t stay where you are.

 

Ari: Wow, I would ask if you have any words of wisdom to share with my audience, but I think you’ve just shared a whole boatload of words of wisdom for my audience. So let me ask you this if people want to get in touch with you, what would be the best the best way for them to do that? You have an email you have a website social media.

 

Ray: I have two websites. Let me give you my coaching website is Eilat i l AP. No w.com. That’s www.Eilatnow.com. Okay. The Ministry website is where I stand as a father and I bless people as a son and a daughter and that is Father’s blessing dot info as Father’s blessing dot i n f o and if you go on there is actually a video for the son where I stand as a father and I bless him as a son. And there’s a video for a daughter, where I stand as a father and bless him as a daughter as To share the things that you may have never heard from your Father which is another big part of the healing process

 

wow okay, so it’s I left now at

 

Ray: at why not now calm I locked down calm and father’s blood His blessings God I nfo blessing single fathers right fathers with an S blessing, right dot inf O great you can also follow me on Facebook. Okay lots of really positive content on Facebook on a regular basis videos and posts and comments. So I really my heart’s desire is to be for the world what the world was not for me when I needed them. So I’m always trying to put out really high quality content thought provoking to really help people see I never want anybody be the same because they met me and I believe nobody will be the same because they met me

 

I know I won’t be the same because I mentioned this Sure.

 

Right. Facebook is rehearsed on

 

Facebook. Right Harris okay. No, papa.

 

Ray: Well, it’s in parentheses, Papa. But if you just simply put in rehearse we’ll find you’ll find me God. Right. Yeah, you could put in Papa Ray you

 

Ari: Yeah. And you to re thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. Good luck going forward. You’re really doing some great service for the world. You’re listening to whispers in bricks and I’m your host Iris Sharma. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction significance that you desire, and it’s time for you to book a call with me at www call with ari.com Check out my whispers and bricks Academy. Until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams. Bye for now.