Lindsey Jewell shares the last part of her story with us her recovery. She has faced so many bricks and finally is in recovery from her addiction. She now shares her story to help others deal with some of the bricks she has faced. Her story reminds that you can overcome any brick no matter how large or how many are thrown at us.
Ari: Welcome to whispers of bricks. My name is Ari Schonbrun. I’m your host today. My guest is Lindsey jewel. This is actually part three of Lindsey story, Lindsay, how you doing today? Yeah, okay.
Lindsey: I am okay.
Ari: Good. I know, it was a little rough last time that we spoke. And it was it kind of worked out well, because we’re out of time anyway. So gave you a chance to breathe gave me a chance to breathe. And now we’re back here. Okay. And I think this is part three, the last part. And so let’s pick it up where we left off. They just convicted, they gave a life sentence to the person who molested you when you were a child. And you’re totally traumatized again, which led you back to that? Addiction?
Lindsey: Yeah. So yes, I wasn’t hard being right by Mexico anyways to find drugs. So got back in school. I mean, I was doing pills. I was doing cocaine. I didn’t care at this point. I was in a bad marriage. I, I didn’t even want to live anymore. I ended up in this unit. But still ended up failing your analysis for Coke. I mean, I didn’t even care at this point, honestly. But so I got discharged from the military, for the substance abuse. But I didn’t get a dishonorable I got a general under honorable conditions. I wrote our post commander, like a 10 page thesis explaining, look what happened. I’ll let you know why I did the actions I did. Let me tell you what I deal with. Does it make your right, you know, but I do get benefits from the VA, for severe, you know, PTSD and drug addiction in remission, as part of my payments, you know, which is which is nice. So yeah, so I get out of the military. And at this point, I feel like an absolute failure. My second marriage was nothing at this point, you felt like roommates, we split up, we split up and oh, my god, he just got like a severance pay for like $40,000 back dated from the VA, and gave me 100 bucks out of it. And I had a child with him, he took off, you know, to New York, I went back home. And at this time I had been in the military injured my back so I was able to get continue the pain pills, you know, which was, you know, becoming a very new and nicer addiction, not nicer addiction, which I don’t know what the word is where I could cover it up better. Maybe that’s the word. Because somehow in your head, if it’s written by a doctor, it makes it a little bit better. And you’re not such a loser addict because the doctors read for it. And so get out of the military and splitter with my husband and at age 33. Let’s see, I’m sorry, this is when the whole supposed pain pill epidemic happened, which there has always been an epidemic with opiates. I don’t know why they just made that a big thing. But so the pills kind of got shut off or they stopped. A lot of doctors stopped right numb and a lot of people got cut off and stuff. So then comes heroin. A lot of people know that tale from the pain pills, the expense of the pain pills and the amount of pain pills or whatever and the sickness that opiates cause when you withdrawal off of them is horrible. Absolutely horrible. And so then find heroin. At this point. Honestly, I I didn’t have much life in me. It was like I felt like I really felt like you know, because I was raised with with God. I was raised with a God who loved unconditionally, but had all these conditions and I felt like I must have screwed up some of these conditions because he must have hated me. You know because Um, why why did he do this to me? Why did why did these events happen to me, you know, and you know, I never thought I’d stick a needle in my arm. It’s another never than I thought I’d never do. And I did. And at this point, I really wanted it to take my life away. Because I was so ashamed with myself and ashamed with things. And I did go to treatment, again for the opiates, because that’s one I couldn’t fight off on my own. I, I would try to get cleaned by myself at my house, and I just didn’t have the willpower to say no, it’s very, it’s very different addiction than Coke, still physical, but a different physical dependence. And so now I got a treatment. And you know, people told me I was going to do so good, and so well, and the moment I walked out that door, it’s like, I sabotage myself because I guess I didn’t believe in myself. You know, at that point in my life, I don’t even know it feel uncomfortable to laugh, sober, it felt uncomfortable, to not have substance. Like I didn’t even know what normal felt like anymore. Andstarted making friends and treatment centers, you know, thinking and like I said, it’s a good old trauma bond. I mean, these people had nothing in common except addiction and traumatic past. And so then I get into the criminal justice system. With addiction, it only ends it doesn’t matter how many times you write the story, it ends the same way in jails institutions or death. It really does. Doesn’t matter what class of people you come from doesn’t matter what you look like it’ll it’ll take you down and so I get my first criminal charge in my 30s Get a felony charge go to jail.
Ari: And that was that was for what for possession of
Lindsey: I do have no I did get a possession charge this one was it was a second degree burglary is what it was. What I had to take a plea to and it wasn’t wasn’t even like that. But that’s the charge I had to take. Okay, I got involved with people who are more in the criminal world and I what it all relates to you as you’re waiting for drugs and decided to go mopey around mope around the my apartment complex because some of these places people less stuff that was from evictions and stuff but you know, just went too far and some of this stuff was people’s property you know, but like I said, it all stems around drugs and so yeah, I get my first felony charge and then I get a second charge I think maybe six months later with the possession charge at this point my parents like wanted nothing to do with me I was a complete mess. The only I felt like there were no real friends in the world like I bought friends just in the drug world like it’s just I had never known the street life I couldn’t believe that at one time I was a college you know college graduate and and thought I was better and all these people now I’m like a person on like a bad don’t know like a like a typical like junkie is what I labeled myself as like just this loser addict who had no purpose in their life anymore. And then we’ll come to this next nice traumatic event, which is absolutely horrible, but so getting involved with people in the street life, you come across gang members, you come across all sorts of characters and so one of the guys that I used to buy drugs from was a gang member not that I cared but so I was not just raped by one man I was sexually assaulted. He made all the other gang members come and assault me as well. This was 2020 2014 when this happened, so I was an adult. And you know, it sucks because I justified the relapse when I went to meet up with this guy because I saw my I was watching my uncle died of alcoholism like literally he died he was highlighter yellow. And in my brain that was enough to make me go out and use and you know that assault was like reliving things as a child but as a full grown adult. And so, when that happened, it was absolutely oh my god, you want to talk about dissociative. The next day, my friend was driving me to the hospital. This is where I really I, I had some damage done to me. i We were driving to we were driving to the hospital, and I decided to jump out of a moving vehicle. Well, you can annex the things that transpired before not just the assault, my parents had shut off my phone, they thought that I was just very calm. They didn’t know I went out and relapsed. They shut off my phone, I didn’t have anybody. I was sitting in a hospital parking lot. had nobody had nobody, and was trying to get in this hospital because these people had done. Like I said, it wasn’t one person, it was multiple people. And, you know, I called the VA crisis line and said, I’m not trying to kill myself, but I was sexually assaulted. And I don’t know what to do. And they had a lady from one of these domestic violence, crisis centers come out and complete stranger and walk with me into the hospital. And to find out that we needed to go to another hospital that there was only one hospital that actually did the forensics test. And they were kind of busy at the moment, because there’s only two forensic nurses that work there. And I was like, So what do you tell me, I just got assaulted, went to the wrong hospital, embarrass myself, and now need to wait for, like, so many hours to get the courage to go back to another hospital. Right. And
I will tell you that day I was I was completely, I walked into my therapists office without an appointment. I didn’t know where to go. I don’t know. I was, that was bad. It was really a hard time. My therapist ended up calling my parents and saying, look something you know, your daughter was assaulted, she’s not in good shape. My parents felt awful for turning off the phones, they turn the phone back on. So I get with my best friend who was taking me to the hospital. And as we were driving, she was also an she was in a not so healthy marriage also right. She started turning the car back towards her home because her husband was mad that she didn’t say goodbye to him. And that’s all it took for me. That’s all it took. She’s still my best friend to this day. And she’s out of that marriage. And but that’s all it took for me. In that moment. I said your best friend was not just assaulted by one but multiple people in your I didn’t call her nice name is turning this car around. Because your husband is mad that you didn’t say goodbye, I said f you and everybody else in this place. And I looked behind me to make sure for some reason that there wasn’t a car right behind. Because I knew I was jumping out of the car. And I at least felt kind enough in my heart to not let her watch me get mangled by a car like that. It’s a horrible I’m just telling you is going through my mind. So I opened the door and the car door and just bolted out and bolted out. And it’s really weird. I didn’t remember losing consciousness. All of a sudden, there’s an ambulance and police officers come in. I didn’t even know what what what had happened. I knew I jumped out of a car, right? But I didn’t know I just thought like, Okay, I just jumped out of a car. And the paramedics were putting me in, like the neck brace and stuff. Like why are they being so nice to me? And I said, I’m so sorry, I just had a really bad day. I’m trying to get to the hospital. And they’re like, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’d be really nice to me. And so, get to the hospital and all sudden I’m in this big like, like operating kind of type room, right? I’m like, why am I in here? Like what happened? Like I didn’t, I didn’t feel pain. I didn’t probably shock. Probably what it was, um, I kept saying I need to call my parents I need to call my parents. And this doctor said, Okay, call your parents and I said, Mom, I’m in the hospital. She didn’t she was freaking out. I guess she called every hospital because my friend told her I jumped out of a car but didn’t know what hospital I went to. And I guess I was under Jane Doe. So my mother thought I was dead. She didn’t know if I was dead or alive. So anyways, the doctor gets on the phone and says, Hi ma’am. This is a neurologist and I’m like, neurologist, why am I with a neurologist, you know, and he says your daughter jumped from a moving car, she has busted the back of her skull, there is bleeding in the brain, and we are doing more tests to see if we need to do surgery, or whatever. And I was just stunned. Like, I guess that’s what your body does when it goes to like, tremendous amount of trauma. Like I didn’t feel anything. And then he the doctor, and he was such a nice neurologist or good, nice guy. He goes, give her a shot. I need to give her a shot of fentanyl or something like that. It’s one of those pain medicines. I said, No, you can’t do that. I’m a heroin addict and just did nothing. He goes, I didn’t ask you, if you were an opiate addict. He says I’m giving you a shot of I don’t know, fentanyl, or whatever. And Mr. Robot who knows, yeah, something like that. And I told him, he said, what he knew something that I said I was very badly sexually assaulted. I was trying to get to the hospital. I can’t tell you I jumped out of the car. And so like in this moment, I’m also an officer, a police officer comes in, he’s like, do you want to make a statement for this sexual assault, and I couldn’t even think straight. I was like, no, he’s a gang member, I don’t want to get killed. You know, I’ll tell you the next day. I felt the head injury, I couldn’t even brush my hair.
Um, so I’m assuming that shock that probably went through my body. So it just doesn’t feel it. But oh, my God for a week I was in the hospital. They took the fingernail clippings did all this DNA and stuff like that, which eventually, a few years later, finally matched up with the guy. Because when I found out this guy not had been sexually assaulting women using their drug addiction as a control mechanism for him to do these things, right? They never stepped forward. Because in their minds, they think nobody’s going to believe me, I’m just nothing. I felt like I should say something. And this is kind of part of why I tell my story here now, because I feel like if my story can get somebody out of those bad situations, or help or something like that is my obligation. Like, so yeah. When I found out this man had been raping women for a long time, and it was a known fact, right? You know, I wasn’t gonna let him hurt one more woman. So I did tell the police what happened. I told him I never want to testify. That’s not That’s not what happened. And so, time goes on. It sucks that in that next year, I was still in the midst of my drug addiction, and was robbed by two guys that were supposed friends of mine and jumped from another moving vehicle to save my life because they put a gun to the back of my head. I mean, at this point, trauma becomes so normal to my life. Right? And that I feel like it didn’t even faze me, like I laughed it off. Like it’s sad. You know, but kind of almost done with this story. But
Ari: I was gonna say, let’s, let’s, obviously, you know, it’s just been crazy. You know, you’ve you’ve been in and out of jail, your husband’s had been in and out of jail. You’ve got, you’ve now got three kids. But the good thing is, and people need to know this, that you’ve been sober for a year now. And you’re sharing your story with the world? Let’s see you wrote a book. I did tell us what, what kind of a book what was that? Is that the story of your life?
Lindsey: Yes, that is the story more in depth of my life from I called it the cycle of sevens because it seemed like every seven years, I had some very, very traumatic event and experiences and it goes through kind of my belief systems at the time, why I believe these things and and how I’ve healed, you know, and all the places and information all the support systems that have helped my healing tremendously.
Ari: So you’re doing therapy groups? I do. Yeah. And I understand you’re loving yourself more and more, which is so important to the healing process. Yes, yeah, you vowed never to repeat any of these cycles again, God willing.
Lindsey: Yes. That is one thing I would say as advice for anybody is to look at your patterns, look at your patterns. And if they’re unhealthy, learn why you’re doing, you know, kind of free yourself from those. Wow.
Ari: Lindsay, it’s, it’s quite a story. And again, I have to thank you so much for, you know, stepping up and, you know, as Pat as painful as it was to tell your story, to let people know that, you know, it’s not, you know, even even in the best of families, things like this happen. So don’t think if you’re, if you’re, you know, if you come from a good family that you’re immune, and don’t think that everybody who’s poor winds up like this, because that’s not true, either. So you just have to understand that, you know, you have to understand the signs. And, you know, get help quickly. And let me ask you this, do you have like a website, or anything, if people want to get in touch with you, they want, you know, they just need somebody to talk to or somebody that that might give them some advice or whatever. If you’re up if you’re open to that, if you’re not a true, I totally understand. Okay,
Lindsey: I have I have Instagram, I have Instagram and Facebook. I don’t know if I sent those two, but so they can find it under your name, Lindsey, Joel,
Lindsey as your 09 28. And then I have an email too, which is Lindsey Jules 09 twenty@gmail.com. But angels with two L’s, right it is with two L’s Yes, yes. And my Yes. Yeah. And just if somebody sends me a message or something, just let me know how you heard because sometimes people just strange people.
Ari: Right. So if you’re going to get in touch with Lindsay just mentioned that you heard her on, on the whispers and bricks podcast, and she will be able to respond to you. Lindsay, thanks so much for sharing your story with my audience. Good luck going forward. The best all the best and only the best. You been listening to whispers and bricks and I’m your host Gary Shermer. Remember, if you feel like you’re stuck in the mud, like you’re spinning your wheels, wasting time, your career, your business your life. If you know you’re not enjoying all the success, satisfaction and significance that you desire, then it’s time for you to book a call with me at www dot call with ari.com. Check out my whispers of bricks Coaching Academy until next time, listen to the whispers avoid the bricks and never ever give up on your dreams for now.
